Searching for Paradise
by CaBu
Summary: Formerly Rakuen Wo Sagashite. To save her father, a young girl applies for a job with the Shinsengumi dressed as a man. But when Hijikata discovers her secret will she make it through? OCs, COMPLETE, SusumuxOC.
1. Act One

I own no part of Peacemaker Kurogane just the characters: Katsuke, Tora, and Hitomi.

* * *

"_If I were a boy I think could understand how it feels to love a girl, I swear I'd be a better man."-_ If I Were A Boy, Beyonce

Searching for Paradise

Act One

She stepped through the narrow streets with her head held high. She had to now, seeing as her life had completely been turned upside down. Just a few days ago she was a completely different person and now? Things were different, very different. But she was all right with it, she had to be, this was the life she chose after all. She couldn't go back on her promise now, not after all that had happened.

Before today she was an average woman, performing average tasks but now? Had she made the right choice? What little family she had would be left behind so was it worth it? She couldn't think about going back now, it was far too late. She was going to take things day by day now, just living as simply as possible. She had been given the deal of a lifetime; she wasn't going to let it go to waste.

The events from hours before played over and over in her mind. Perhaps it was something that would never leave her.

XoXoX

"_I am willing to put my life in danger's way to support and fight for the Shinsengumi guard! Please, Hijikata let me join!"_

_He wasn't pleased, that was obvious enough. Toshizo Hijikata of the Shinsengumi sat before her with a look she was sure could kill her if she stared too deeply into his eyes. She dipped her head into a deeper bow, her eyes avoiding his at all costs. She had heard from townsfolk that Hijikata was the harshest of any of the three captains; maybe it was the rumor that was putting her off so much?_

_Her eyes wandered to the right to see the two last captains. They appeared harmless enough, the one named Yamanami sitting a few feet away with a look of confusion and shock on his firm features. Beside the four-eyed male sat the first captain, Kondo held his head tilted to one side with a single brow lifted. _

_Maybe dressing up as a man and requesting membership to the Shinsengumi was too much?_

_But how else was she supposed to get in? One had to be a man, right? There was no other way around it! She had to do this; she had a mission after all. She had people she loved depending on this! If she could complete the impossible by joining maybe then she would have the means to save her father. _

"_Do you really think I buy your performance?" Hijikata's voice rumbled through the young visitor's ears._

_She flinched at the sound of the angry captain's voice. For a brief moment, she turned her chin away from the other men and made a second connection with Hijikata. Brows furrowed and lips turned down in a deep frown, he still did not look pleased._

_If she didn't want to lose her chance, she would have to lie, "I don't know what you're talking about Hijikata." She lowered her head once again._

"_Don't play games with me!" Hijikata was quick to reach up and out toward the 'boy', grabbing at her face and pulling her closer, "You are not who you say you are!" Hijikata's voice lowered to form a deep growl as he continued, "You are a woman."_

_With a quick snap, Hijikata's arm reached upward and outward toward the 'boy'. Hijikata's hand swooped down before her and snatched off the wig from the visitor's head. The she whimpered in fear as the captain's anger grew._

_No! She couldn't be found out, not that easily! The newly discovered female was quick to jump back in shock and let out a pathetic whimper. She threw her hands up in her own defense before coming back at the captain with her explanations. "Please! Forgive me, Hijikata!" She cried out, "I didn't mean to cause any you any harm!"_

_Hijikata threw the female's wig to the ground with great force powered by his anger. "Then you best explain yourself."_

"_Hijikata," The girl jumped to her knees and bowed before the demon captain. "I only want to serve the Shinsengumi! Please give me the chance!"_

"_Absolutely not!" Hijikata shouted as he slammed his fist unto the ground, "Do you play me for a fool? Take your show else where, girl. You are neither wanted or needed here." Hijikata then closed his eyes and turned away from the pleading woman. "Go to Shimabara, perhaps they'll require your services there."_

"_No, please!" The girl threw herself on the floor, "Listen to my plea! I need to work here!"_

_No, this couldn't be the end. Not here, not like this. She had to do something; she had to make this work. Her whole life depended on this; her family's life depended on this. There was no way something as small as gender could get in the way of her father's life! _

"_And what is that brings you here?" The sound of Yamanami's voice forced the young woman to turn and look in his direction. _

_Yamanami looked down at the girl with innocent eyes. Did he want to make her feel better? Why else would he look at her like that? With eyes so soft? Perhaps he just didn't want to see a woman cry, either way at least one person was looking out for her. She looked upon the kinder, smiling captain Yamanami. She lifted her balled fists to her eyes and rubbed the tears from her eyes._

"_I have nowhere to go," She explained after clearing her throat. "My family, my father has been taken…I believe the Choshu had something to do with it." The girl then gripped the ends of her yukata, "I know they kidnapped him, he was a sword-maker."_

_The room entered a silence after the girl spoke. Were they thinking over her plea? Could they, they had to! This was her last chance at having her family back! _

"_Toshi," _

_Hijikata turned at the call of his name. The third and most elderly of the three, Kondo had addressed him. Hijikata grunted and closed his eyes at the sound of his name. _

"_No," Hijikata replied with a grumble, "Absolutely not. No woman is going to join the Shinsengumi." _

"_Well," Kondo smiled, "You are right about that. No women are allowed to join the Shinsengumi," Kondo paused to look down at the girl and her sad expression. "But,"_

"_No," Hijikata protested._

"_We could use another hand around here." Kondo proudly finished his sentence._

"_Like as in a Page?" Yamanami quickly caught on and smiled along with Kondo. "Oh, I'm sure we could use another helping hand around the dojo. I would greatly appreciate having a Page for myself." _

"_No!" Hijikata snapped as he threw his open fists to the ground. _

"_Oh but Toshi," Kondo was quick to reply to Hijikata's expression of anger, "You just got yourself a Page didn't you?"_

"_And I didn't say I was enjoying it by any means." Hijikata snarled as he crossed his muscular arms over his chest. _

"_Oh please!" The girl's squeaky voice caused the three men to turn her way, "Let me be a Page, oh please! I would be the best, I swear it."_

"_Stay out of this!" Hijikata snapped back at the girl. _

"_Please!" Tears flew from the girl's eyes as she once again threw herself in front of Hijikata. "I just need to find out what happened to my family! Then I will leave, I swear."_

"_I don't see why not?" A large smile grew across Kondo's face as he closed his eyes, content with the idea. "What do you say, Sannan?"_

_Yamanami closed his eyes before pushing up his glasses on his face. "I believe it's a fine idea. I wouldn't mind having my own Page."_

_Kondo then looked to Hijikata with a still face, "Toshi?"  
_

_Hijikata bit down on his bottom lip. She could feel a fierce 'NO' beating on his lips. But how could he deny the expectation of more help around the Shinsengumi? They had to have needed the help, right? Besides, she was cute! They had to let her in! How could a group as large as the Shinsengumi not need help? Cute help at that! _

_The look on Hijikata's face settled. He grunted once or twice before shutting his eyes and releasing a long sigh through his nose. Was he giving up? _

"_Then it's settled!" Kondo clapped his hands together in enjoyment._

_Hijikata sneered at Kondo's final decision. He curled his upper lip in disgust before slowly reopening his eyes. His cold stare landed on her, a look that shot a hot spike through her heart. "Do whatever you want with this wench," Hijikata snarled as he turned his back to the two other captains, obviously displeased with the agreement they had come to. _

"_It looks like you will be Sannan's new Page!" Kondo looked toward the girl with a wide smile. "Welcome."_

_Were her ears hearing right? Did they just say that she was in? This couldn't be happening, could it? "Really?" The girl's jaw dropped in amazement, "This is really happening! I'm part of the Shinsengumi!" She cheered as she wrapped her arms around herself in glee. _

"_This ISN'T happening for you," Hijikata was quick to reply as he swirled around to face the girl. "You ARE NOT part of the Shinsengumi, you are a maid. Nothing more. If you want to parade around pretending to be a male, so be it." _

_The girl narrowed her eyes at Hijikata and poked out her lower lip, dissatisfied with Hijikata's bitterness. Before she could let her smart mouth get the best of her, the girl turned away from her commander. She couldn't get herself in to trouble just yet._

"_Now," Yamanami looked at the girl with a kind smile. "It would be nice if you introduced yourself. What is your name?"_

_"My name?" The girl said as she gently pressed her index finger against her own chest. "My name is Katsuke Nakamura."_

XoXoX

"_To think, today is my first day being a…a Page." Katsuke let out a loud sigh as she leaned against Yamanami's thin walls. _

_Could this be true? Her first day of being a Page? It wasn't like being a member of the Shinsengumi but it was a start and everything has a start, right? She had to make the most of what she had, even if what she had wasn't much. She had things she wanted, needed to work for and nothing was going to get in the way of her goals. _

_Her father, he needed her and she needed him. She had to save him from whatever horrors he was facing. He had provided her with everything she had; it was the least she could do, to save his life. If she got hurt or even killed in the process? That was fine. But what were the chances she would get hurt? Hell, she was the best swordswoman she knew! She could do this; she could be all she wanted just because she knew she could. _

_All she had been taught when she was young, it wouldn't go to waste; she could do anything if she believed in it enough. Good things would come. _

_She had it all planned out in her sneaky little mind. She, Katsuke Nakamura, would dress and act as a man just for the sake of one day being a possible Shinsengumi member. Perhaps if she lived the rest of her life out as a male, her dreams of becoming a member would be closer than she originally planned. Crazy plan, but Katsuke had nothing left to lose now. _

"_You'll be fine, just try not to get yourself into bad situations." Yamanami reassured his new young Page as he walked deeper into his room, closing the door tightly behind him._

_Katsuke looked about the room with child-like curiosity. This was the great Yamanami's bedroom? She was honored to step foot inside his sleeping chambers; although, she was not yet sure why he had led her there. Katsuke did not spend much time thinking of the matter, she was too amazed with her current environment. _

_Yamanami let out a small mumble to himself as he stepped toward his closet door. He gently opened the door and bent down toward the floor. It was clear that he was searching for something, but Katsuke could care less. She looked at the small trinkets and do-dads that Yamanami had in his living space. _

"_Ah! Here we go." Yamanami exclaimed after a few moments of searching. "Here you go, Katsuke," Yamanami whirled around to face his new Page with a smile on is face and a yukata in hand. _

"_What is THAT?" Katsuke replied with disgust as she looked down upon the garment her master had presented her with. _

"_It seems you will be needing an outfit, yes?" Yamanami closed his eyes and maintained his smile. "You want to look like a man, don't you?"_

"_Uh," Katsuke paused for a moment before she answered with a dissatisfied, "Yes."_

"_May I ask you something, Katsuke?" Yamanami spoke with a gentle tone as he approached the female and gently dropped the garment in her open arms. "Why do you want to be treated like a man? As my Page, it isn't necessary." _

"_I want to be a member." She said plainly. "I need to be a part of the Shinsengumi." _

"_But-" Yamanami began but was quickly interrupted by the young female._

"_I know that I can be a member someday." She gripped down on her yukata with sweaty palms. "I need to be a part of this. I have someone I need to see, someone I need to save." _

"_Your father?" _

"_Yes," Katsuke answered her master's question with a still face. "I need to find him."_

"_Well, all right then." Yamanami smiled once again and placed one firm hand on Katsuke's delicate shoulders. "If you'd like to be treated like a man, I shall treat you like one. I promise I won't tell anyone about your secret."_

"_Really?" Katsuke's mouth dropped open with amazement. "Thank you so much Yamanami!" She sniffled as she brought her balled fist to her eyes, wiping away any moisture. _

"_But I do suggest that you do a few things to assert yourself as a man, Katsuke." He added. _

"_All right." Katsuke gave her master a firm nod. "But I must tell you something first…" _

"_Yes, Katsuke?" Yamanami tilted his head to one side as he watched the young girl step closer to him. _

_Katsuke stood on her tiptoes to reach her master's ear. "I have a problem…keeping secrets."_

_Yamanami broke out into a loud laughter as she pulled away from his ear. The girl cocked a brow at this reaction and before she could ask her master what was the cause for such laughter he replied. "And you're telling me this now?" He remarked as the final chuckles left his mouth._

"_Well, it is the truth…" She muttered as she interlaced her fingers together._

_Katsuke turned her attention to the yukata her master had handed to her. She felt herself gag inside. The outfit was not flattering to the figure she was so proud of. She curled her lip at the sight and slight smell of the yukata. It had a slight musty scent to it; it was obvious that the garment had been kept inside Yamanami's closet for sometime. The truth be thought, she hated the thought of herself looking unattractive in this outfit. But what choice did she have? With a loud gulp, Katsuke bit her lower lip and thanked her master for the outfit. Katsuke then took her finger and traced it across the surface of the fabric. She twitched again; it had not been worn in a while. It even felt old._

"_It's kinda big don't ya think?" Katsuke's brow shuttered as she spoke softy in an attempt to please her new master._

"_Yes, well, it has to be big." Yamanami sighed as he walked toward the girl, "To cover all of you. All your feminine sides."_

"_Oh…" Katsuke let out a loud long sigh as she looked away. _

_Perhaps this was a bad idea. Katsuke found herself suddenly having doubts, regrets. Was this the right road to travel? She looked back up at her master. She was searching for some sort of answer, any kind of positive outlook._

"_Katsuke," Yamanami's voice calmed Katsuke's bothered spirit. "Is there a reason why you want to be a boy? For reasons other than joining the Shinsengumi?"_

"_I suppose you could say there are," Katsuke answered to her master with a low and depressing tone. "I just…I just never do anything right. As a woman that is." Katsuke then looked down toward her feet and let out another sigh. "Every time I try to be the woman my father wanted me to be, I failed. I can't cook anything without burning it, I can't do laundry, and I can't clean without making a bigger mess." _

_Yamanami looked down at his Page. He lifted his hand and gave her an encouraging pat on her shoulder. He then bent down so his eyes could meet her own. "Katsuke," He began with a soothing voice._

_Katsuke looked up toward her master to see his heartening gaze. She could feel it, she could feel the words of encouragement and inspiration upon her. This would be the moment in which Yamanami, her master, would give her words so supportive and inspirational that it would give her the confidence to go out and make the best of this situation. _

"_You do realize that this job requires that you DO all that, right?"_

_Katsuke's mouth nearly dropped to the floor upon hearing her master's reply. _

"_Yes, Yamanami, I do." _

"_Then I'm sure that you get in some good practice!" Yamanami clapped his hands together in excitement. "Oh Katsuke, I did want you to do one more thing before you reintroduce yourself." Yamanami caught himself just before he sent Katsuke back out into the dojo._

_Katsuke slouched over and let out an exaggerated sigh, "Yes?"_

"_I want you to dye your hair." Yamanami replied as he gently ran his fingers through Katsuke's brown hair. _

"_Dye it?" Katsuke narrowed her eyes in confusion, "What for?"_

"_Well," Yamanami pulled back his arm and closed his eyes as he began to explain himself, "If you want to restart your life here as my male Page, you should take on a new look, don't you think? I don't want anyone to recognize you." _

"_Why would that matter?" Katsuke asked in a suspicious tone, her eyes still narrowed. _

"_Just do as I ask, please." Yamanami was quick to cut Katsuke off with her questioning. "I will get some blackberries to dye your hair a darker shade. I know you won't mind." _

"_Not at all." Katsuke snarled a bit under her breath as she went along with her master's ideas. "I guess…"_

Act End.


	2. Act Two

Searching for Paradise

Act Two

She had to push the vivid flashbacks out of her head for now. It was time to get down to business and embrace her new identity and life. It was about time she introduced herself to the environment in any event. She had to get used to it after all, she was going to be living here from now on right? Besides, how hard could it be? It was just a bunch of men, not monsters! She had lived alone with her father for as long as she could remember, so she had some kind of idea about what males were like! Pretending to be a man had to be the easiest part of this operation…right?

Katsuke stood outside of her master's bedroom, hands placed on her chest and legs locked in place. Ugh, if being a man was going to be so easy why was she hesitating? Gah, they were just guys! So what if they were probably high strung, mean, nasty and angry all the time! If she were going to be staying here for an extended period of time, she would have to get used to it. But did that mean she had to make friends or even talk to anyone? She could keep to herself, sure she could! Even though someone as _lovely_ as herself was hard _not_ to talk to!

In any event she would have to walk into her new world sometime, but this time not as a female but as a man.

She took a single step into the daylight, finally sneaking her way out of the darkness of the corridor of the hall. She lifted her hand to her face, pushing her newly dyed hair out of her eyes. Ugh, why did her master insist on changing her hair color after all? So what if someone recognized her, it wasn't like she had any friends back where she had come from! Ugh, maybe it was the fact that the sugar from the berries had made her hair gritty to the touch that had her so irritated. After all, what's more important to a beautiful woman, such as herself, then her hair? Ah, it couldn't be helped now.

Or could her frustration have to do with the fact that she was nervous, deep down inside? No, she couldn't be nervous! It wasn't in her make-up! Katsuke Nakamura didn't _get_ nervous! She wasn't just any woman, she was part of the Nakamura bloodline and that meant that she had the courage and bravery of any soldier! Her father had instilled it in her so there wasn't any way she could show any kind of weakness. Especially not in front of potential teammates, or dare she think, friends?

She began to take steps forward into the kitchen area. Yamanami had requested tea about fifteen minutes ago and there was no doubt that he was still eagerly waiting. But you can't rush perfection! If he had to wait a half hour or two, so be it! It wasn't like she was going to forget or anything. She had better things to think about anyway, like how she was _not_ nervous! He could understand that, right? Besides, a woman has to take her time when she was doing something right.

Her eyes kept to the floor as she stepped forward. Best not to make eye contact with anyone just yet, all the excitement from the events earlier in the day was still fresh in her system. For all she knew, if someone were to stop and talk to her, she'd fly into a frenzy and assault them with verbal responses. Most people would call that panicking but _she_, a Nakamura, did not panic. Not by any means! She was better than that! She-

"Yeah, that was hilarious, Sanosuke!"

"Really, I didn't plan it at all! HAHAHA!"

"Next time you should put bags on its feet, Shinpachi!"

Three strange voices. Ugh, she could handle this, even if she refused to glance upward. Keeping her eyes glued to the floor, Katsuke inhaled through her nose and held her breath. These voices wouldn't catch her off guard, she couldn't allow three new voices to get her attention and attract attention to herself. She wouldn't talk to anyone; she didn't _want_ to talk to anyone. The fewer people she interacted with meant the less likely her secret would come to the surface.

Three people all ready knew the truth, no one else needed to know anything else. She pressed forward, bypassing the three men, leaving their voices to fade into the distance.

XoXoX

Getting tea for her superior? Could it get any more boring? Gah, where was all the sword fighting and practices? This was the Shinsengumi! Wasn't anyone going to come in, bleeding through his ears or having a gaping wound to the gut? God, getting tea couldn't be the highlight of her day, _something_ had to happen around here worthwhile. But it was her first day on the job; maybe it would take awhile before she saw her first splash of human blood?

Either way her first task of being Yamanami's Page was finished. She sat down before her master; head bent down to showcase her respect; even if she was bored out of her mind. An almost silent slurp entered the air for a short moment, stopping after a good three seconds and their awkward silence continued.

Why wasn't he saying anything? He could ask about her, her history and why she was here! Geez, if he weren't so good looking, she'd be offended! But when she looked into those soft eyes, hidden behind a barrier of glass, she felt her heart melt. And his voice? Oh she couldn't think about his voice without getting goosebumps. Damn him and his gentlemen-like attitude! Sure, it had only been a few hours but she could get used to his ways.

"Katsuke," Ah and there it was again, that sultry voice. "I need you to do something for me."

Anything! Oh, if he asked in _that_ voice, he could ask her for anything. Resisting the urge to swoon in front of him, she brushed off the giddy feeling in her heart and cleared her throat. "Yes?"

"Hijikata asked me to order you to pick up his bread from the bakery." He said, lifting his small teacup back up to his lips. "From the Tarason Bakery, he insists on that bakery, please don't forget."

Insist? What was that about? Did the demon captain Hijikata have a special spot for someone at the bakery or perhaps it just the bread was better there. Eh, it didn't matter anyway; it was just a quick grocery run. If it was just going in, buying bread and getting out, she could do that no problem.

"Fine." She lifted herself off the floor and made her way toward the door.

"Good luck." He smiled at her.

Luck? She wouldn't need it.

XoXoX

This had to be some kind of joke, getting bread from a bakery? Could it get any simpler? This couldn't be what the Shinsengumi went through on a day-to-day basis! There had to be some kind of danger involved with everything they do, didn't there? If _this_ was what they were going to make her do, then how was she supposed to get anything done? She had a mission to complete after all! Going grocery shopping was _not_ on her agenda. Then again, if that's what being a Page consisted of, then she'd be a full-fledged member in no time. No time flat.

Katsuke handed over her change to the baker with a sigh and roll of her eyes. The woman at the shop took her order with little effort and turned about and walked to the back of the shop to grab her desired bread. God, things had to get better then this. If things didn't change, she wasn't sure how long she could-

A small sneeze broke her out of her mental rant. She lifted her chin and looked over her left shoulder. In the back corner of the bakery a tall, rugged-looking man sat with one leg crossed over. His bleached blonde hair looked as if someone had cut it while blindfolded. Strings of hair stuck out here and there, his sideburns over grown to the point of obvious notice. His face was covered in old knife wounds, scars that caused bald patches on his eyebrows and hairline. Most noticeable of all was the former wound to his left eye. A vertical scar reached from eyelid to upper cheek had obviously caused enough damage to blind him in said eye, seeing as the color had been drained from his eye.

What the heck? He looked like a thug, what was he doing here? Her eyes moved from the man with the eye scar and to the two men he was sitting across from. The two men differed in appearance, being a lot less eye-catching then the bleached blonde.

"We can't afford to screw this up. We only have one chance." The 'leader' of the three grunted, his balled fist meeting the table surface with a solid bang. "You got that?"

Well, the fact that they were whispering _and_ hidden in the back of the shop didn't give them away at _all_. Psh, they were discussing things like _that_ in public? It was kind of sloppy wasn't it? They couldn't possibly be with the Choshu, could they? Nah, that was impossible!

"Ma'am?"

Katsuke flinched _hard_. She jerked forward to see the shop owner with a small bag in hand. Ah, geez she wasn't obviously staring was she? She shook her head before reaching forward and taking her purchase from the baker's hands. With a quick thanks, she turned on her heel and began to march out of the small bakery.

She walked by the strange men, her steps slowed. "We'll be undercover at the Nanami Shop tomorrow night. Surely those Nibu scumbags will never find out."

Wait, _what_? Did that weird guy just say what she _thought_ he said? So he was one of the bad guys! But he couldn't be _that_ stupid, could he? Just admitting his plans out in public like that? No one could be that dumb! Then again…if she was a new face with the Shinsengumi then maybe he thought it was safe to speak out loud? Either way this was info that would get her into the Shinsengumi, no problem! If she could get back to headquarters with valuable information then maybe they'd give her a promotion? They had to! It was only right!

She picked up her pace, making her way out of the bakery in one piece. She lifted the bag that contained the warm bread in her arms and held it to her chest. She was good, there was no way Hijikata and Yamanami could _not_ give her a promotion after receiving bread and some Choshu info! She could see it now; she'd be a part of the best unit. And further in the future? She'd be a unit captain, no doubt! Just wait until they saw her sword skills!

"What do you think he's doing?"

"I don't know, maybe he's nuts."

"Sanosuke, go poke him!"

Her ear twitched. What the? Who the heck was following her? The fact that the voices sounded familiar only caused the female to tense further. She was sure she wasn't hallucinating, those voices _had_ to belong to those guys she had come across earlier in the day!

"_Yeah, that was hilarious, Sanosuke!"_

Yeah, that name! Sanosuke, she had defiantly heard that before. So _they_ were following her? What for? Geez, it wasn't like she was doing anything interesting! It was just a grocery trip; if it was something appealing she might understand that stalking but this? Ugh, it had to be because she was 'new meat'. Either way she had to face the three eventually, might as well make her alpha male status known now rather than later.

She turned her chin over her shoulder and moved her field of vision from the floor upward until her eyes met with three men. The first and furthest to the right was very tall, dwarfing the other two by a few good feet. The man in the middle stood with a sly smirk on his face and the last redhead linked his arms to his hips, displaying his clear attitude.

"Oh my god, he sees us!" The shorter of the men was quick to gasp in shock before bursting out into laughter for no apparent reason.

"Can I help you?" She asked, her brow twitching along the way.

"Come on, Shinpachi." The tallest of the men gave Shinpachi a good nudge with his elbow before continuing, "No, we're just on patrol, what is the newbie hanging around our parts of the woods for?"

Her cheek mimicked her brow and twitched.

"Hey, he isn't answering you, Sanosuke," The man in the middle was quick to reply.

"Forget about it, Heisuke, he's just a newbie." Sanosuke answered to Heisuke's reply with his own feisty comeback.

Newbie? _She_ was considered the newbie? Pah! She was not going to fall into the category of fresh meat. She was so much better than that, hell she considered herself a veteran in her own mind by now! She wasn't just anyone, she was a Nakamura!

"I'm not a newbie," She sent a fierce glare toward the three jokers. "I'm thee great and powerful Katsuke Nakamura and I was just returning from my mission given to me by the superior Hijikata!"

"Oh?" Heisuke bent forward to come to eye-level with the cross dresser, "And what kind of mission is that?"

She fell silent. Ah God, did he have to ask that? Why couldn't he just take her answer and be happy with it? It wasn't like she had ever done anything wrong or mean to him! Ugh, if she told them that her 'mission' was actually a grocery shopping trip, she was sure to get a few good laughs. Damn. Her eyes darted down to the bag she held so dearly in her arms. With one swift jerk she moved the paper bag out of view.

"Well newbie? Gonna tell us?" Shinpachi began to tap his foot.

Was there any point in hiding it now? Why did having to be honest have to be so hard? Biting down on her lower lip she grunted. But it was now or never, she had to make an impression and assert herself as 'top dog'. With one great inhale she lifted her chin and held her breath. She pressed her chest outward and like a quail stood her ground. "I'm getting the great Hijikata a loaf of bread from his favorite store so he may snack on it!"

"Oh." The three said at once, "Is that all?"

Katsuke exhaled and nodded a single time.

"Anyway," Shinpachi moved his hand aside, "We'll walk you back to the dojo, patrol is kind of boring today."

"Yeah!" Sanosuke replied, a huge grin spreading across his face, "Come on, kid!" He shouted as he ran toward Katsuke, and wrapped his arm around the newcomer.

"Now, let's talk." Heisuke smiled as he took Katsuke's other arm, "What are you about?"

"What am I about?" She repeated, tugging both arms out of reach.

"Yeah? What brings you to the dojo?" Shinpachi answered, lifting a single brow.

"I have my reasons, nothing _you_ should know about." She was sure to add vigor with her reply.

"Geez, this guy _is_ rude." Shinpachi whispered to Sanosuke, walking around Katsuke and meeting the taller man on his right side.

"Oh come on, newbie." Heisuke began in a more pleasant tone, "What do you want us to call you?"

"Nakamura, Katsuke, it does matter really."

"All right," The middle man nodded. "Now are names are-"

"No, that's okay I don't care to know that _your_ names are." Katsuke snuffed.

"Man, you think he was a _woman_ or something." Sanosuke taunted, earning a chuckle or two from his partners in crime.

She froze. Did they just compare her to a _woman_? Did that mean that they thought she was a woman? No! This couldn't be happening, not so soon! She had to deflect any suspicion and fast. She had to nip this situation in the bud, there was no way everyone was going to find out her secret so fast! This would end here, now.

"_What_," She paused dead in her tracks. "Did you say?"

Their obnoxious laughter came to a halt. They all took a few steps ahead of her, probably unaware that she had stopped until they turned back to look at her. They remained quiet and even without looking them in the face, she could see that their brows were cocked and frowns had set in.

"You okay?" The smallest man's voice entered her ears.

"Don't _ever_ compare me to a woman." She hissed, finally turning her head up to meet their stares with her own. "I _hate_ women."

Her narrowed stare and deep pitch must have caught them off guard. The three men lifted their arms into the air, hands up in defense. For a brief moment, the three men broke their eye contact with her and turned to one another in question. With a quick shrug the three men released their defensive stance and moved their arms back down to their sides.

"Eh, whatever." Shinpachi said with a small smile.

"Yeah," Katsuke poked out her bottom lip. "Remember to keep that in mind."

Act End.


	3. Act Three

Searching for Paradise

Act Three

"It's true, Hijikata, sir!"

Her bows and formal speech pattern did not impress him. She had only come to this house forty-eight hours ago and she's making such great claims? No way, there was no way an idiot like this woman could make these accusations. So she over heard some man at the bakery talking trash about the Shinsengumi, it gave her no right to come to the three captains, demanding they send out a scout to verify her allegation.

Hijikata looked down at Katsuke with little pity. No matter how much she batted her eyes or poked out her lips, she wouldn't persuade him. She was just one _girl_, how the hell could she come storming into their captain's meeting, throwing around her accusation like _she_ was in charge? She was far from a Shinsengumi member; she was a nobody, below a maid and far below a Page. She was a bottomfeeder.

Undercover Choshu at a small time shop in town? It was too obvious and stupid to be true.

"We have to send out a Watcher or something!" Katsuke lifted her head from the floor, making eye contact with him.

"Toshi," Kondo looked up at his old friend, "What do you want to do?"

"Ignore the wench." He growled, "She could very well be lying to us. For all we know she's a spy trying to help the Choshu."

"No!" She shouted shaking her head back and forth, "Please listen to me! Let me PROVE myself!" She threw herself on the ground as she bowed once again.

"Hijikata, it's worth checking out." Yamanami looked at his friend with concerned eyes, "I don't think she has a reason to lie."

"Toshi, we cannot risk it." Kondo added, "Besides, I don't believe that Susumu is really doing anything lately. He needs work of his own to do."

Hijikata looked away from the three. It was laughable, the thought of a woman telling him what to do. Katsuke was no Watcher; she had no business listing in on another man's conversation. The situation was unavoidable; it was not Hijikata's call on the matter.

"Fine, but if this turns out to be more of your crap, then I _will_ have you out of here, and in a grave." Hijikata growled as he glared down at the girl; whose eyes light up with excitement.

"Oh, thank you Hijikata!" She bowed down at his feet once again.

"No," Yamanami shook his head and smiled at Katsuke, "Thank you for informing us right away."

Katsuke nodded. Hm, so the slightest praise had lifted her spirit, had it? Typical woman. Hijikata felt his eyes roll and a sigh fall from his lips. She had _better _be right or else she was going to be in for a world of hurt.

"Now, there is some laundry that needs hanging." Yamanami moved his hand, "Would you?"

"Yes sir!" Katsuke lifted her hand to her forehead and saluted to her master. She wasted no time in trying to impress her superior and raced out the door she had come in from, disappearing from sight.

"This better not be one of her games." Hijikata spoke in a low tone, his eyes landing on Yamanami.

"I don't think she'd lie to us." The four-eyed male hummed, his eyes moving to the floor.

The demon vice-commander narrowed his stare at the man to his right. "She better not."

XoXoX

She could do this; she could do this for sure! There wasn't anything to it, was there? Sure she couldn't do laundry for her father when he was around, but things were different now, right? In the two months she had spent on her own she had fended for herself, fixing her own meals and cleaning the small home she once called hers. Was it perfect by her standards? Absolutely! But did that mean the Shinsengumi would feel the same way about her work? They better.

She approached the clothesline with her chest swelling with pride. She had this in the bag, it was gonna be easy! She glanced down to the ground to see a small basket full of clothes, wet clothes by the look of it. So someone had set up the basket for her? Ha! They must have known she was coming around!

I'm going to make this perfect.

"Dammit, I always get the crappy choirs."

Katsuke's ears perked up to the sound of another voice coming from behind another line of wet clothing and blankets. She tilted her head to one side, what the heck? Someone else was working the same lame job she was? Great! That meant her job would be done twice as fast! She might as well see the face of the guy she was going to work with, so with one swoop she pulled the wet garments to one side.

Her eyes widened when she saw no one standing before her. Oh God, did she just hear a ghost or something? Before she could have her panic attack, she happened to glance downward, only to see a small redheaded boy staring back up at her.

"Hey…" The boy was quick to verbally confront Katsuke, "You're that new Page! I've heard about you from Hijikata!"

"Yeah…who are you?" Katsuke responded in a dull voice.

"My name is Tetsunosuke Ichimura, Hijikata's Page." The small boy then pointed to himself with great pride.

"Really? You?" Katsuke threw her head back and laughed at the smaller male. "You can't be more than what? Ten?"

"Hey!" He barked like a small pup, "I'm fifteen!" He shouted and shook his fist in anger.

Really? There wasn't much of a difference in age between them. "I'm sixteen," She said, feeling somewhat superior.

"They have you doing laundry work too, huh?"

"Yeah, but I'm used to it." She nodded, going back about her work.

"_So_," Tetsunosuke placed his hands on his hips, "What are you here for?"

"I have my reasons."

"Me too." Tetsunosuke replied in a depressed tone that surprised Katsuke.

"Well," The cross dresser turned to the boy, "I guess this means we'll be working together from now on."

So this was it, huh? She could deal with this. At least this kid wasn't as obnoxious as those three jokers she came into contact with a day ago. She'd much rather deal with a mature younger person than a group of immature older men. Either way it wasn't like she was doing this to make friends, she had something she needed to accomplish!

"Hey," The boy's voice caused her to flinch and look his way, "There's more wet clothes in the dojo could you get them for me?"

Ugh, more work? "Sure."

XoXoX

Things were quiet, quieter than usual anyway. Was that something to worry about or show he be pleased with the fact that nothing bad was happening? Then again in this place, things had a habit of shifting rapidly. Things would be serene and calm then hectic and out of order. Did he enjoy the change in pace? Of course but it became quite tiring after awhile. Maybe he needed a vacation.

Saitou turned a corner, entering the dojo area of the large structured home. He lifted his arm into the air and proceeded to run his fingers through his hair. It had been awhile since that 'pup' had come to the headquarters and things _seemed_ normal since his adjusting period ended. But there was something different in the air now. For the past forty-eight hours a new aura in the house had changed his mood. It had to be that new Page that belonged to Yamanami.

As he entered the dojo he saw a strange figure standing just outside. He was bent over and plucking the dirty laundry from the floor, no doubt getting ready to wash them. He had never seen this young man before; perhaps it was Yamanami's new Page? It had to be, he knew every other man in the Shinsengumi but this face was fresh.

Hm, perhaps it was time to make an impression.

Saitou stepped silently toward the occupied male. With the Page's back turned toward him, he approached and stood just behind the new young male. He bent forward just slightly until they were at equal heights. The Page flinched for a moment and turned his chin over his slender shoulder. The two came face to face, eyes connecting to one another.

"And who are you?" He asked, even if he all ready knew the answer. Hearing the reply from this young man would leave the very important first impression.

The brown-haired young man stiffened at the sound of his voice. The color drained from his young features and he took a single step backward. Was he shocked, surprised? His thick brown brows arched to the top of his forehead while his jaw dropped open. Ah, so he _was_ caught off guard.

"Ahh…" The boy gasped for air, refusing to respond.

"Are you not going to introduce yourself to a superior?"

The boy choked on his words while his eyes darted all around the room. Was he searching for some kind of answer? Or just delaying time? Either way it was still amusing, seeing the small child scan the room in hopes of finding something to say.

"You're…" He cleared his throat, "…You're old!" The boy exclaimed, shutting his eyes tight.

The new Page spun as quick as he could and made a mad dash out of the area, his hands full of wet laundry. The boy stepped out of sight within seconds, leaving Saitou standing alone in the dojo. What was that about? It certainly seemed as if this young man had some spunk, not to mention a disrespectful mouth. There was the option of informing the captains of his smart remark. Eh, but why get the boy in trouble? He hadn't made any horrid mistakes…yet.

"Hey, Haijime!"

The sound of Sanosuke's voice caused the older male to stand up straight. The pale man turned about to see the usual trio standing together in the dojo entrance. Well, he might as well ask about the newcomer, see what the three pranksters had to say about him.

"Who is that boy doing laundry work with Tetsunosuke?" Saitou was quick to cut to his question.

"Oh, Katsuke?" Heisuke asked with a smirk.

"Yes."

"He's Yamanami's new Page." Shinpachi finished for his friend. "I'm sure you heard about him."

The older man nodded once. "Tell me more about him."

XoXoX

"Finally! We're done!"

Two tiny set of arms few into the air as Tetsunosuke's chubby face lit up with relief. He had finally finished his day's load of laundry. Ah, there wasn't anything sweeter than a whole day's worth of laundry done! In record time too, perhaps he beat his personal best today?

"Yeah, I know, it felt like forever, huh?" Katsuke turned to him with a wide smile.

Forever? _This_? Psh, this was nothing! Katsuke just started, it was just a matter of time until the newcomer felt a _real_ day of work! When it came time for an important meeting or battle, he would see how much work had to be done. Tetsunosuke looked up to his older companion with a single brow lifted. Eh, the newbie would get used to it, eventually. Tetsu would never admit it aloud, but it took him awhile to fall into the work pattern.

"Whatever, it's done." He shrugged his small shoulders.

"Maybe if you had folded faster the job would have been done sooner." Katsuke said in a calm and subdued tone.

Wait, what? Did he just say what he thought he said? No way! They had just worked together for a good forty-five minutes without one bump and _now_ he had shit to say? He thought they had worked well together! Not to mention Katsuke said his backhanded comment in the most smooth and composed voice. What was up with that?

"HEY!" Tetsunosuke twitched and looked up to his fellow Page. It was time for a comeback, "Maybe it was because you CAN'T throw! And every time you missed, I had to FOLD them again!"

"Oh really?" Katsuke bent down to Tetsunosuke's level and continued his glare.

"Yeah!" Tetsunosuke barked, "You throw like…like a _girl_."

The backyard fell into a deep, awkward silence. The older male stood above him with his eyes shut and his thick brown brows hovering just above his eyelids. Was he mad? Tetsunosuke cocked one of his red brows and poked out his bottom lip, what the hell? It wasn't like he said something _that_ offensive, right?

"W-what?" The younger boy asked after a moment or two of silence.

Just then he watched as Katsuke's arm lifted into the air. His eyes followed the brown-haired boy's arm until it stopped just above his head. With a sudden and unexpected swing, his arm shot downward. Tetsunosuke's eyes snapped open, the image of an open palm coming his way faster than predicted, leaving him open to any on-coming action.

_BAM!_

"Ow, what the hell?" Tetsu's hand flung upward and rubbed the spot where he had been struck.

With a quick whirl on his heel, Katsuke turned about and faced the backdoor. "If it's revenge you want, come get it!" With that the newbie fled on foot inside the large structure.

A game of chase, huh? It had been sometime since had a real playmate to roughhouse with. With the HQ being full of older men, none of which cared much, Tetsunosuke found himself with an excess energy. But things were different now! Finally someone his own age to play pranks on and mess with! He clapped both small hands together and allowed his smirk to form into a full-blown grin.

"Get back here!"

The redhead gave chase without a second hesitation. Katsuke had disappeared out of sight but it wouldn't take long to catch him. He knew this place like the back of his hand! He knew every nook and cranny of the Shinsengumi headquarters, so it couldn't be hard to find him! Ha! Then he'd show Katsuke who was boss around here! Maybe when he caught Yamanami's new Page, he would force him to do his extra chores as punishment.

As his tiny legs stepped fast and faster, breaking into a sprint, the image of Katsuke came into view. The brown-headed Page zipped around the corner, leaving Tetsunosuke to smile to himself. This wouldn't take long! Just around this last corner and he would have that cocky boy! His legs barely touched the floor as he moved around the angled wall. Just as his eyes adjusted to the new light from the different room, he felt a soft surface press against his cheek. A white flash caught his eyes and caused him to jerk backward. His arms extended out, touching the soft texture of fabric. Had he run into someone?

He backed away just enough to see a large group of Shinsengumi warriors that had gathered in the hallway. Gah, damn! He lost him! Tetsu let out a loud groan before pushing his arm out, shoving the older men to one side. Grunts and complains filled the air but fell on the redhead's deaf ears. There was no way he was going to let some old men stand in his way of catching that newbie! After bulldogging his way through the dense crowd of men, the iron Page found himself standing alone.

"Where did he go?" He whispered to himself, his eyes still scanning the area.

"Don't you have some duties to be carrying out?"

Tetsunosuke flinched as dark, familiar voice had crept into his ears. Oh great, he knew exactly who was standing behind him. With a grunt and sigh he reopened his large eyes and turned slowly. Hijikata stood straight with his arms crossed over his broad chest, all the while his dark eyes narrowing.

"Oh, no."

"Well?" The demon captain growled.

"Yes…but I was just-" Tetsunosuke began.

"You weren't playing around with the new Page, were you?" His demeanor darkened as Tetsunosuke nodded as a reply, "Keep away from _Katsuke_, do you hear me?" Hijikata turned from the boy. "_It's _nothing but trouble."

Tetsunosuke nodded once more. Seemingly pleased with his response, Hijikata stepped away from his Page, leaving him to himself. Tetsunosuke looked to the ground for a moment, the feeling of confusion washing over his being. He reached back and scratched the back of his head.

"Katsuke is trouble?"

XoXoX

"Haha! It'll take him hours to find me now!"

She placed her hand on chest as she snorted a giggled. What a kid! It only took one second for that stupid redhead to give chase after she challenged him, typical! How could anyone think they could out race her? She was the best after all, no doubt better than that half-sized squirt!

Her laughter softened after a moment and she stopped to glance about her surroundings. Eh, it was the back of the headquarters, where the pigsty was located. Nothing much but pigs, plants and dirt, the most clever hiding spot! Thee most perfect spot to jump out and scare Ichimura when he came blasting around the corner. Ha! Sounded perfect!

God, how many minutes had it been? It was starting to feel like hours! Where was that strange kid? She knew she was good, but she wasn't _that_ good, right? Ugh! He must have ditched her! That was it; he got tired of looking and left her to fend for herself! Geez, what the hell? It wasn't like she didn't help him with the laundry, no one could ask for better help! What was there to do now?

She leaned her back against the wall and rolled her brown eyes. Katsuke then felt her weight drop down to her knees and her back slide downward. Her bottom hit the dirt floor within seconds and her knees touched her flattened chest. She then crossed her arms over her knees and placed her chin atop of her arms. Gah, what now, what now? Doing chores wasn't exactly a great substitute for fun. There _had_ to be more to do around this place!

Her eyes wandered forward until they landed on a small herd of pigs. The small mammals hopped about in the mud, free as a bird. Together they gathered and it looked for a moment as if they were communicating. So pigs were social animals? Eh, she wouldn't have guessed. Even pigs had to have friends, then? So where did that leave her? She didn't have many people to call her own. Hm.

Living at home with her dad didn't give her much time to 'make friends'. He always left her to do the housework when he went out and worked two or three jobs. Damn, why did gambling have to revolve his world so much? If he had just been a normal father and worked a regular job to make decent money, they wouldn't have the debt they had. But no, he had to spend whatever money they had gambling! And when he came home? All he did was eat and sleep; then again he _was_ working his ass off. But why did he have to leave her alone all the time? There was more for a girl then just housework!

Gr, she was thinking too much.

A small pink smudge at the corner of the pen caused her eyes to flicker. She lifted her brows and focused her attention in that small area. A small piglet sat, separated from its herd, near a small batch of hay that it had no doubly moved for itself. As her eyes stayed glued to the pig, it moved into a standing position and began to kick its back legs, one at a time, in the air. Ha! How cute! She couldn't help but letting a small giggle escape her lips.

The sound of her chuckle must have caught the small pink animal off guard. It spun around, making instant eye contact with her. She felt her back slam against the wall in shock, what the hell? The pig's stare narrowed and it lowered it's head and ears. Oh no, it wasn't going to _charge_ at her, was it? It's left back lifted and kicked backward, forcing dirt and dust to explode in the air. Oh shit, it _was_ going to charge.

"No piggy!" Katsuke's arms shot upward.

She felt her eyes shut tight. Oh, here it comes. All of her muscles tensed and waited for impact. A slight thump to her knee caused her to flinch and stiffen. Was he going to bite? Geez, that's all she needed, her tolerance for pain was all ready low enough! A nice scar from a pig bite would be _so_ attractive…

She waited for a second thump or bite but nothing came. Her left eye fluttered open and glanced downward. The small piglet and driven its snot into her ankle and was rubbings nose against her bare skin. Her right eye followed soon after and she felt her limps relax. Her arms dropped from her chest and she bent forward, getting a better view of the small farm animal. It continued to snort and making strange noises as it rubbed its wet face against her leg. It wasn't a bite but it was just as gross, there was no need for her to be anyone's handkerchief.

"Excuse me?"

Her body froze all over again. She lifted and straightened out her back, slowly moving her chin over her right shoulder. Before her stood a very tall, slender man. His long purple locks danced in the warm wind while the hairs around his face framed his round cheeks perfectly. His large, wondrous, curious eyes stared at her in question. He was beautiful…no, he was gorgeous! Where the hell was _this_ guy when she first joined? He was too stunning to forget!

"Y-yes?"

"I don't believe I've ever seen you around here before, are you a new recruit?" The man asked as he sat down close to Katsuke. "Oh wait!" He snapped his fingers, "I know who you are! You're that new trouble-maker Hijikata-sama keeps complaining about!"

"Ah, so you've heard of me." Her brow twitched.

"Yeah, and if you didn't all ready know, my name is Souji Okita!" He replied in a rather cheerful tone.

She couldn't hold it back any longer. She had to reach out and touch his hair, it was just too soft looking to resist! "You're so beautiful…" She moved her fingers outward his long strands and stroked his purple locks.

Ah, it was softer than it looked, if it were possible! Since when did hair come this soft? It should be against the law to have hair as beautiful and wonderful as this! She was a girl, why didn't _she_ have hair like this? It was only right, as a woman, to be jealous. And if she said it was just his purple strands that were perfect, she'd be lying. No, everything about this man was perfect, he had to be some kind of god!

"Uh…thank you?"

The sound of his smooth voice broke her concentration and forced her to retract her arm. She shook her head, trying to get a grip on her sanity and looked back to him with a smile. He returned the soft features, god he looked good when he smiled just ever so softly. That was thinking a lot, since she'd just met him! It wasn't everyday she was taken back by such a pretty face! He _had_ to be popular.

She watched as his large eyes moved down to her legs. She felt her back stiffen and her face begin to grow warm. Oh no, he was _looking_ at her _legs_? What the hell? Sure he was a beautiful guy but did that make him any less piggish? Did she just run into a lady's man? Ah no, he was too sweet looking to be a perv!

"There you are Saizo!"

Saizo? With the blush fading from her cheeks and her thick brow lifted, she followed his eyes and glanced downward to see that he was addressing the small piglet that continued to nudge against her ankles. Ah…so _that's_ what he was looking at? An instant frown appeared on her lips.

"Oh, so he's yours?" She asked in a saddened tone.

"Yeah. He's a loner so he likes his space from time to time." Souji reached out and plucked the small mammal from the ground. He then lifted the piglet to his face and began to nuzzle his face against Saizo's. "You know he's the runt of his litter so the other pigs don't like him much. Hijikata wanted him for breakfast one day after he was born, but then I saved him!"

"Is that right?" She tilted her head to one side; she wouldn't put it past the demon vice commander.

"As you can tell," Souji continued to speak, despite Katsuke's awkward stares, "He has social problems." He looked at Katsuke, surely catching on to the fact that she was gawking at him like an idiot. "I didn't get your name."

A second round of heated blush appeared on her face, "Oh! Katsuke Nakamura." She cleared her throat and glanced away from him, breaking their eye contact.

"Ah, nice to meet you then!" Souji moved his head downward. "Hey, I'm hungry, what to get something to eat with me?"

"Sure." Katsuke cocked an eyebrow at Souji's unusual statement but nodded and stood nonetheless.

Souji stood up beside Katsuke and gave 'him' a quick wink, "So what shall we have for brunch?"

"Dunno…" Katsuke drew a blank, "What do you normally have?"

"Well, Hijikata usually doesn't want anyone eating before they're told but I like to break that rule." Souji lifted his index finger, "Ayu, our chef, doesn't let Hijikata know though. So she's a good partner in crime."

"What if he finds out and has us commit Seppuku…?" She gulped.

"He wouldn't do that!" Souji chuckled, "We would just get beatings and a day without dinner."

"That's worse than Seppuku…"

"Oh come on Katsuke!" The taller male wasted no time in grabbing her hand and dragging her along to the kitchen. The as the couple entered the kitchen a single, Katsuke's eyes landed on a lone woman standing beside the counter, "This is my bestest girl friend, Ayumu!"

"Souji?"

She whirled at the call of her name, turning to face the two 'boys' with a smile. Her silky hair wafted in the wind and her smooth, deep eyes landed on her. Just when she thought Souji was the most beautiful person she'd ever seen, here came Ayumu. Stunning in everyway, she took time to place the small towel she was holding down and come to greet her.

"Hello boys." A soft smile curved the end of her full lips.

A small elbow to the side made Katsuke flinch. She glanced toward Souji to see the young man had poked at her, possibly to get her to stop staring like a mad man. With a quick shake of her head Katsuke was brought back to reality and bowed before the older woman. "It's nice to meet you Ayumu. I'm Katsuke Nakamura."

"Likewise." She smiled as she too took a bow. "Now," She stood up, "Souji, what is it you want now? Not another brunch!" Souji just replied nodding his head cutely, causing Ayumu to let out a loud sigh. "Okay just for your new friend, I'll make you one more brunch! After this, I'll have to refuse. If Hijikata finds out, he'll have my head."

XoXoX

When was the last time she had food _this_ amazing? It wasn't like in all the time she was alone she had food this good! She couldn't cook without burning anything! But this? She had forgotten how good food could taste when it was chard. It like an explosion of flavors on her tongue! Was she going to eat like this every night? Shit, she'd join the Shinsengumi just to get a taste of the food!

"Wow!" Katsuke gasped for air between bites, "This is amazing."

"I know isn't it?" Souji smiled as he placed a small piece of food in his mouth.

"I've never had food this good," She turned to the slender male with a wide smile on her face.

"Never?" He tilted his head to one side.

"No!" She shook her head. "When I was living with my dad, he relied on me to cook but I could never make anything this incredible."

"Good for you then." The ends of his lips curled into a small smirk. "We'll just have to make this brunch a reg-"

The irrupt pause caught her by surprise. She watched as Souji's eyes opened wide and his head turned to the left. Was he looking for someone or did he hear something? Catching on to his alerted state, she moved forward in her seated position, on the dojo floor, and looked around Souji for any sign of life.

Without any warning, the purple-haired male's arm shot upward and he shouted out, "Sanosuke, Shinpachi, Heisuke! Come over here, sit with us!"

Katsuke flinched. _Those_ guys? Oh no, not them! Her features instantly dropped into a frown while whatever taste on her tongue soured. Wonderful, just what she needed, three jokers around begging for food! This was her hard earned food and she wasn't about to give it up without a fight!

"Hey there Okita!" Sanosuke smiled as he patted Souji on the back, all the while staring into his box of food.

"Hiya!" Souji squeaked, "What are you all doing here, off patrol so soon?"

"There was nothing to patrol so we came back early." Shinpachi explained.

"Yeah and since we did such a good job…" Heisuke began speaking in an evil tone, "We should get a reward, like some of Ayu's home-cookin'."

She threw them her best glare in an attempt to scare the three away from her meal. They continued to stand above her, eyes wide and smirks spreading. Ugh, they thought they could get to her food _that _easily? Psh, no way! Who the hell did they think they were, coming around demanding food like some kind of pack of alpha dogs! Not to mention they were cutting into her bonding time with Souji. After all, he had to be the closest thing to a future friend in this place!

It was time to assert her dominance! "Back off!"

"Hey!" Heisuke was quick to pout. "What's up with that?"

"Yeah," Sanosuke nodded to agree. "We came down here to pay you a visit and _that's_ how we're treated?"

"No need to be rude." Shinpachi linked his hands to his hips.

Souji extended his slender, pale arm toward her. His gentle hand landed on her head and he proceeded to pat her. "Relax, they aren't going to take your food."

Katsuke turned away from Souji and returned glaring at the trio but this time with her secret pride swelling inside. Ha! So he was going to stand up for her, was he? Showed those three idiots! Maybe she wouldn't have to be a loner forever, she had Souji now! The urge to stick her tongue out at the boys came and left her mind, no need to look _too_ attached to the legendary swordsmen.

"Even though you _should_ give us at least a bite." Sanosuke moved his muscular arms over his chest.

Huh? Why? She lifted a brow.

"Being a _girl_ after all," A smirk spread over Heisuke's cheeks.

Shinpachi was quick to finish for the brown-haired middle man. "Men should always eat first."

_What_ did they just say? Did they just say she was a girl? No, they couldn't know, they didn't know! There was no way anyone figured out her secret, especially not three jokers like them! This was wrong, terrible! Not to mention the fact that even if she was to admit she was really a woman, that they would treat her in such a way. She wasn't going to stand for this, she wouldn't stand for this. If she was going to be the man her father wanted her to be then she was going to fight back! She was going to show this stupid trio who was a real man! A Nakamura wouldn't go down without a fight!

She was only going to take so much for so long. Without any words or obvious signs, she stood on her two feet with her bento box in hand. The men watched as she stood up straight and lifted her head. She was going to give them the worst stare she could produce. There was no way she was going to let them get away with calling her a girl. She was so much more than that, she wasn't a girl, and she was a Nakamura! Being called a girl was more than an insult, it was disrespectful; no woman, no _girl_ could measure up to the wonders she could do. So she lifted her arm upward, the box following along. With one swift and instant movement, she flung what was left of her meal at the three men.

The sound of a loud bang rumbled through the dojo and shook her to her core. Did she do the right thing, the mature thing? Of course not, but they deserved it! …Right? How dare they disrespect her in her own 'home'! They would learn not to mess with her! She was a man, and they were going to treat her as one! Even if she forced it on them!

She looked to see the three taller, stronger men covered in rice and small bits of fish, Ayumu's home cooked meal dripping from their clothes and hair. Good, now they would look foolish. It served them right. They would learn that next time they wouldn't mess around with her!

"Hey! What was that for?" Shinpachi barked as he wiped the rice off his face.

"That was uncalled for!" Heisuke added.

"You just wasted all that food!" Sanosuke replied as he licked the food off his hand.

She forced her body passed the three men. "Don't _ever_ call me a girl, got that?" She then shot her second best glare over her shoulder. "Next time I won't be my food!" Next time it would be her fist, for sure.

Act End.


	4. Act Four

Searching for Paradise

Act Four

_Even though it was a month ago, I still feel kinda bad._

Ah, why did she have to care? It was just three idiots, they deserved it after all! But if she were feeling guilty about _anything_ it would have to be that she wasted good food on those jokesters. Geez, what would Ayumu think of her now? She had to hate her! The older woman had slaved away in countless hours, she assumed, only to have it all wasted on the faces of those three thugs! How was she supposed to redeem herself after _that_? For the past twenty or so days, she'd been avoiding the young cook at all costs. But they'd have to communicate someday, right?

It was time for her to have a lay down anyway. Maybe if she fell asleep she would escape her world of problems. She drug her feet along as she stepped toward her tiny room. Sure it was a closet but so what? She had to sleep beside the cleaning equipment and tools but it was a room! Thank _God_ Yamanami let her have it after she requested it. It wasn't like he could deny her, she being _so_ cute and all.

Appearing before the closet door, she slid the thin wood to one side and stepped into the darkened area. Ah, home sweet home. She pressed forward until her feet hit to small futon on the floor. Sure it wasn't exactly luxurious but it was a bed…right? Even though she deserved _way_ better.

_It's just for a little while, just until I find dad._

Pushing any negative thought out of her mind, she shifted her weight to her legs and knelt down, her knees touching the cold floor. Ah, just a little nap then she'd feel better! Maybe then she'd have the courage to apologize to Ayumu? Gah, it was too much to think of at the moment! She moved forward, extending her palms against the pillow only to find her fingertips of her right hand tap against a cold surface.

What the hell? She squinted her eyes in the dark in effort to adjust to the shadows of the room. Pushing a bit further until her hand could wrap around the object that rested in her bed, she plucked the heavy piece of metal and lifted it to her nose. Her stare still narrowing, she allowed the small item to shift front to back as she examined it. Wait, this was a dart, a kunai.

Who the _hell_ would leave something so sharp and dangerous in her room, let alone her bed? This had to be a joke, a sick joke! What if she had laid down and cut herself? There was no way she could go out to Ayumu now with an injury, not after what happened with the food. It wasn't like _she_ knew how to treat wounds; she'd never been hurt seriously before! Not to mention her terrible tolerance for pain would have her crying in a second. Wait, maybe this wasn't a joke, maybe it was a threat? But who…? Had she made fast enemies with those three idiots all ready? It wasn't like any three of them were smart enough to plan something like this!

A small soft sensation tickled her knee. She glanced down to see that her pillow had been torn to bits, no doubt with the kunai she was holding. Someone had snuck into her room and torn her bed apart? Why? So it _was_ a threat, she was going to have to look into this further.

XoXoX

"It seems that she was right Toshi."

Hijikata felt his body twitch. He sat before Kondo and Yamanami, his body frozen with anger. The thought of Katsuke staying in the dojo, let alone thinking she was right about something? Agh, it was more than irritating. To add salt to his open wound, Yamanami sat with a smile on his face. No doubt he was proud of his precious Page. Even _his _Page, Tetsunosuke had some kind of sense, this girl, she had nothing to offer anyone. Either way he had to defend himself now that he was seated beside his comrades.

"It was just a coincidence," Hijikata snapped, "That woman had no right to listen to conversation that has nothing to do with her!"

"What are you saying, Toshi?" Kondo raised an eyebrow, "She saved us a lot of time and effort." He explained his voice calm.

"Kondo's right," Yamanami added, "I suppose it was fate that brought her here." His proud smile spread throughout his features. "A hidden talent, maybe?"

Ha! That was laughable, "And what could that possibly be?"

The four-eyed male inhaled before speaking, "I think with a little practice, that she would be a wonderful spy." Hijikata jerked back in disbelief as Yamanami continued, "I bet she'd work nicely along side Susumu."

"Yeah I bet." Hijikata replied shaking his head from side to side, "Susumu hates everyone, how could he possibly work well with _her_?"

_What_? No, he had to be joking, he couldn't be serious! This wasn't a damn game; many people's lives were at stake, how dare he suggest such a thing!

"I like the idea of Katsuke becoming a Watcher."

"What!" Hijikata turned to Kondo with his jaw dropped and brows lifted.

"Yes, what a wonderful idea." Yamanami shut his eyes and nodded in agreement.

"You think so?" Hijikata's eyebrow twitched, "And what makes you think she won't get caught spying?"

"Well," Kondo lifted a finger, "She hasn't been discovered yet. It's been a little over a month since she's been here."

Yamanami let out a loud sigh, "Has it really been that long?" He then put his finger to his mouth, "It felt like only yesterday she just arrived here."

"No, its felt more like a year…" Hijikata covered his eyes with his right hand, "I've been getting complaints about her as it is."

"Like what Toshi?" Kondo asked, intrigued by his old friend's words.

"The men are saying that she is moody and rude, which is one hundred percent true." The voice commander explained, his hands still concealing his eyes and face, "And that she threw food at Sanosuke, Heisuke, and Shinpachi."

"That's all?" Yamanami laughed as he fanned himself off with a small paper fan. "But I really feel like you should give her a chance, Hijikata."

"Give her a chance?" He bit his lip, holding back whatever curse words that tickled the back of his throat. "Give her a chance to ruin the Shinsengumi? I won't let that happen."

"Toshi," Kondo cut in between the men, "Think about it. If Katsuke is suitable for this spying profession then she'll be excused from being a Shinsengumi _member_." He then crossed his arms over his chest, "And, if she's caught spying or gets in serious trouble…then she knows the price." His shoulders shrugged a single time.

Hijikata looked toward the ground. Kondo held a valid point. If Katsuke became a fitting spy then should no longer hold the title of a Shinsengumi associate. But he couldn't help but snarl, would agreeing be some kind of form of weakness? Something telling the other two men that he was ready to back down from a fight? Ugh, he was too tired to fight with _anyone, _if that's what they wanted to do with the stupid woman, so be it.

"Fine," Hijikata waved his hands in the air, "Do what you want."

"_So_," Yamanami cleared his throat before continuing, "It's settled, she will get her first Watching job then?"

"Yes," Kondo nodded, "Just give me awhile to figure out what part of the village I want her to watch over, after that I'll tell you what that job is and she'll be off!" He replied obviously feeling optimistic about his plans.

"Kondo," Yamanami's narrowed his eyes, throwing a smirk in the older man's direction. "Was this your plan from the start?"

Kondo let out a loud laugh, "No, no!" He then lifted his hands in the air, "I wanted Katsuke here so she could become a Page to Ayumu and learn to house the Shinsengumi." His voice then darkened, "Ayumu won't always be here, Sannan, and we are in desperate need of another housekeeper."

That much was true, Hijikata had to agree with the head commander one that subject. If they had a second hand helping with the housework, it would leave Ayumu with more time to take care of her Watcher business. That meant that _real_ Watcher of the home would be working more often, leaving the annoying sixteen year old at home, doing the cooking and cleaning. Not a bad idea in all.

"But," Yamanami broke his silence, "What about Susumu? How will he take this news of a new spy?"

"I'll talk to him." Kondo nodded, "Just give me sometime; but don't worry I would let him know about Katsuke's situation, I'll just inform him that there will be a new Watcher out; I'm sure he'll be fine with it."

He snorted, his laughter almost getting the better of him this time around. There was no way that Susumu would be all right with this choice. If he knew the young man, he knew that he would kick and fight with the idea of a new recruit all the way. Hell, he didn't even like his sister stepping on his toes, so how would he take the news about Katsuke?

A small creak broke Hijikata out of his thoughts. The three men threw their heads up and looked to the ceiling. He stared at the ceiling in the small hopes that the sound would again come. Seconds passed without another sound.

Kondo cocked a brow, "What was that?"

"You see?" Hijikata lifted his hand and pointed his index finger toward the sky. "The gods are disagreeing with you."

Ignoring his comment entirely, the man with glasses shrugged off the sound. "Oh, I bet it was nothing."

Kondo then shook his head, "Anyway, you should go and inform our Katsuke of her new job opportunity."

Yamanami nodded as he rose to his feet and walked out the door. Oh this was going to be interesting no doubt. Even if Katsuke failed them and came back with her tail tucked between her legs, at least he his word would mean more around the HQ. Whatever she ruined, he would pick up the pieces, it wouldn't be hard with an idiot female like her. But if by any means, she exceeded his expectations then they wouldn't have lost anything. For her sake, she'd better be good at spying.

XoXoX

"_Oh Katsuke! I need to talk to you."_

Ah, it was music to her ears. He, the great Yamanami, wanted to speak to her? Her and her alone? She _knew_ he had a thing for her! Oh and he had to be so coy about the whole thing, it was downright adorable. The sound of his voice, the way he touched on the shoulder when they spoke, it had to be love right? Of course this would be her _first love_ but what was there to know? Love was love! Ack, there was no sense in moving very fast anyway, they had their whole lives to think about their blossoming romance!

But she had to business to attend to. If he wanted to act shy and take his time, she'd let him dangle on her hook for a while. She pressed through the halls with her chest pushed out like a quail; she had a lot to be thankful for! She had him after all! What else could go wrong?

_"Being a _girl_ after all."_

And then there was that. Gah, why did those three have to live here? Things would be perfect, just perfect, without them around! Yamanami, Souji, Ayumu, Tetsunosuke and hell, even Hijikata was tolerable! But them? She could have gone her entire life without knowing they existed and been fine. She was going to have to ignore them; no one said she had to interact with them ever. That sounded like a good plan, she would just have to ignore them!

Katsuke turned a sharp corner only to find her master waiting for her outside his bedroom. Her heart slammed in her chest while a light glow of pink lifted to her cheeks. So now he was going to make her heart race? Geez, she didn't need that!

"Come on in, Katsuke." He said as his eyes landed on her.

She nodded and without a word stepped in his room. She watched as he took a seat in the center of the nearly bare room, God did he have to look good just doing the simplest of tasks? Only if he would request that she sit beside him, then he would wrap his manly arms around her and pull her into his broad chest. She would be able to smell his scent and feel his warmth and they-

"How have you been?"

She flinched. "F-fine!"

"Good." He nodded. "I've noticed that you've been keeping up with that little secret of yours." A pleasant smile spread over his lips.

"Yeah…" Besides the whole 'three jokers' incident, that would be true.

"And we've also noticed that the piece for information that you gave us a while back did come in quite handy." He mentioned with what seemed like pride.

"Did it? Listening in on other conversation that isn't mine is a girl's best quality!" She joked as she moved her arm around in the air.

"_And_," Yamanami then gave a great smile, "It's been decided that you will be given some Watcher work! Congratulations!" He then opened his arms wide.

"Watcher work?" Katsuke blinked in confusion, "You mean being a spy?" She asked as he nodded, "Really? Wow, I'd be great at that!"

"Wonderful." Yamanami replied by reaching forward and placing a single hand on her shoulder, "Kondo is trying to find the best job for you now."

She paused for a moment, "Do I have to work with anyone?"

"Uh…" Yamanami also pulled the brakes on his cheering and tightened his grip on her shoulder. "Not yet."

"O…kay…"

"Now," He retracted his arm and cleared his throat. "I have three young men standing outside that want to speak with you."

_What_? Three. Young. Men? No, he couldn't be referring to _them, _could he? No! Her master couldn't betray her like this! Not after mentally announcing to herself that he was her first love! She had to get out of this by any means possible! Maybe if she presented her best pout, her superior would release her of this terrible news.

"Do I have to speak to them?" Her lip stuck out like the sorest of thumbs.

"It is expected of you, Katsuke." Yamanami replied in a serious tone, "They want to apologize and invite you to go somewhere with us."

"All right." Damn, her world famous, according to her father, pout was denied! Ah well, they were going to have to speak eventually, right? Best to get it out of the way now.

After watching her master lift himself from his seat, she repeated his action. He led the way, as the prefect gentlemen, and opened the sliding door for her. She stepped outside only to see the three young men as described, waiting for them. As she approached they bowed in respect. She stood in silence when an elbow to her side forced her to flinch. She glanced to the right to see her senior giving her a narrowed stare. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes she preceded to bow in return.

"Katsuke," Sanosuke lifted his hand to his head and began to scratch at his scalp.

"We need to tell you," Heisuke sighed as he lowered his head, waiting for Shinpachi to finish his sentence.

"That we apologize." Shinpachi nodded cutely, trying to win over Katsuke's affections.

"That was the crappiest apology I've ever gotten." Katsuke narrowed her eyes at the boys, unimpressed with their display.

"_Katsuke_." Yamanami hissed down at his Page. Great, she was going to be forced to accept their failure of an apology?

"Yeah well, when Yamanami told us to say 'we're sorry', he really didn't give us a written speech ready." Sanosuke removed his hand from his head and grunted.

"_SHH_!" Shinpachi and Heisuke both shot glares at the larger male.

"Okay…" Shinpachi rose an eyebrow, "Well, anyway we wanted to invite you to Shimabara."

"Yeah," Heisuke added, "Since Yamanami was all ready going, and asked us to join him, he…I mean _we_ wanted to know if you could come with us."

"Because you've all ready had your _experience_ in that field, it should be a piece of cake to just come with us." Sanosuke gave Katsuke a devilish grin before wrapping his arm around her.

Katsuke was quick to pull away from Sanosuke, "I don't want to go down there." She then threw her nose into the air.

"Why? Is there an _ex-girlfriend_ down there or something?" Shinpachi grinned along side of Sanosuke, who was now giggling like crazy.

"No!" Katsuke exclaimed as a light blush ran across her face.

"So then you'll come?" Heisuke smile widely as he too raised his brow.

"No! I won't come!" Katsuke growled, looking over her shoulder at the three.

"But this is the perfect time to prove your manliness." Sanosuke dropped his voice into a whisper and lowered himself toward Katsuke's ear.

Ugh, why did someone so stupid have to have such a good idea? It wasn't like they were leaving her much choice! If she were to back out now, it would only make her look even more suspicious. Might as well go and get it done and over with.

"Fine."

"Then it's all set!" Shinpachi gripped his fists.

"Is everyone set then?" Yamanami asked with a rather pleased smile on his face.

"Sure." Her lip pouted.

"Then let's get going." Yamanami replied in a rather unusually excited tone, "Can't keep her waiting."

Wait a minute; did he just say _'her'_? What was that all about, and why was he smiling? Nah, no way could he have a mistress, right? Not someone as dignified as Yamanami! Besides she had all ready called him for her own! He was _her_ first love, he belonged to her and she belonged to him. No way would any other woman come in the way of that!

But why else would he say something like that? Surely he was trying to make her jealous or something. No, she wouldn't accept it, not when their romance had just begun. They had just started a wonderful relationship that would last until they had grown old! There hadn't been a woman behind him all along, it was just wrong!

It was enough to make her…cry.

"What's the matter Katsuke?"

She stiffened. He was speaking to her. She turned up to see her master staring down at her with a look of concern. Why did he have to look at her like that, like he really cared? Why did he have to show _any_ kind of affection for her? It would only make things harder if he _did_ have another woman. No one cared for her the way he did, not since her father and she couldn't, wouldn't let it go. If there was only a single woman standing in the way of her becoming Yamanami's number one, then so be it. She could try, right?

Act End.


	5. Act Five

Searching for Paradise

Act Five

"Is he a newcomer?"

What kind of sick joke was this? Ugh, why did she agree to this, then again it wasn't like she had much choice. She had to prove her manliness! If anyone in this entire world was going to be manly, it was going to be her. She had to do this if she wanted to accomplish her goals, and that was something she was not going to fail at. She might be terrible at cooking, cleaning and doing anything feminine but _this_, she wasn't going to mess this up. And if that meant going to Shimabara to prove her manhood, so be it. She'd so those three idiots, how dare they challenge her like that! Nothing would distract her now!

_"Then let's get going. Can't keep her waiting."_

Oh why did her mind have to wander _that_ far? What was that supposed to mean anyway? Ugh, she couldn't think about it now, not with a gaggle of female workers sitting across from her. She glanced to her left to see Yamanami beside her with a rather pleased look on her face. To her right sat the three jokers, no doubt making some kind of internal joke between the three of them about her. Eh, it didn't matter, she was just going to sit and be silent, making sure to wear her famous frown/pout. Just because she was forced in to coming along didn't mean she was going to be happy about it. No one said she had to be in a good mood.

Taking obvious notice of her scowl and glare, one of the older Shimabara employees leaned in toward her with a smile, "What's the matter, hun? Is this your first time?"

Her stomach twisted. Did she have to ask in _that _tone? It wasn't like what they did in the building was a big secret. Katsuke took a moment to curl her lip and back away from the older woman who smelled of alcohol.

"Aw," She cooed, "Are you missing an old girlfriend?"

A giggle and snort from her right caused her to stiffen. Oh so they thought this was funny, did they? Figures, they were bullies after all. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and remained silent. Maybe if she refused to answer, the woman would take the hint and leave her alone.

"Don't worry about anything, hun." She spoke again, this time in a higher pitch. "I have the perfect girl for you."

Oh no, that didn't mean what it sounded like, right? Without any warning the older worker jumped out of her seated position and reached out to her. With a quick yank, she pulled Katsuke off the floor and began to drag her along. No, it couldn't be happening like this! Not only did she _refuse_ to be intimate with a stranger, she physically could _not_ perform! She fought back, pulling and digging her heels into the ground only to be pulled by the more eager woman.

"Hun," The sound of the woman's voice caused Katsuke to look forward. "This is her first time, so be nice all right?"

_First time? Be nice?_ Those words did _not_ need to go together in the same sentence. The tight pressure on her wrist lifted and the image of a teenage girl appeared before her. Her eyes widened to see a girl, not much older than herself, standing in the hall of Shimabara. What the hell, she couldn't be more than a year older, what was she doing here? Katsuke felt her body grow limp for a quick second, would she look this way if she hadn't gotten a job with the Shinsengumi?

The girl before her wore her bright red hair high in a bun, allowing two strands of hair to lay on the sides of her face. Her face was caked in make up and her stunning pale blue eyes threatened to paralyze anyone who stared into them for too long. But even with all the layers of white make up, the look of fear came to the surface. For a moment, it made her seem less like a doll and more human.

"I'll leave you two to yourselves."

The older woman left the room, leaving the two girls to themselves. The door shut closed, sealing them away from the rest of the world. So what were they supposed to do now? It wasn't like she was going to make due on the propositions the others wanted.

"I'm Hitomi."

Katsuke felt her heartbeat slow. That voice, it was soft and high in tone. Her fear had even begun to leak through her pitch, so this was her first time? Was she really _that_ scared?

"Katsuke Nakamura."

Hitomi lifted her chin and tilted her head to the right. Her brows then flipped upside down while her bottom lip trembled. "This is my first time. Please be gentle."

Oh God. She had to get out of this _now._

XoXoX

"I just don't know what to do with him, Akesato."

"Just let him be, Yamanami. I'm sure if he follows what he believes in he'll be just fine."

Only if she knew the truth. Ah, things would be so much easier if his Page was in fact a male. But what was he going to do about it now? He had accepted this young woman as his understudy; he couldn't go back on her now. Maybe it was the stress of everything else that was causing his frustrations. Things were going to change for the Shinsengumi, sooner than later.

And then there was her. He laid his head in her soft lap, eyes drawn to hers. They locked in a simple contact but it held so much more than just a look. She offered so much but how could he give it to her? How could he support and love her the way she deserved to be loved? Sure he had given her his body and affection but was that enough? Was being with her worth her risking her life? Perhaps things would be better if they weren't together, maybe she'd be safer if he stayed as far away as possible.

"Is this going to work?" He asked, low and calm.

"Work?" A single brow lifted in confusion.

"Us." Yamanami sighed as he closed his eyes, "I'm sure you know what I'm saying. You understand that it isn't going to work." His voice grew low as reality hit him. "Our destines won't allow it."

"Yes that is true…but," Akesato voice seemed to form a gentle melody, "We have the power to change our own destinies, don't we? Yamanami, I'll never give up."

He had to smile at the beauty. "Neither will I." He then pushed himself into Akesato's chest and let out a small exhale of air.

"Let's make our own destiny." Akesato hummed as she let her eyes shut.

He lifted his head and stared at the gentle female with soft eyes once again. She was all he needed. With her, his life was complete, he didn't need anyone else but they had obligations. She had her work and he had the Shinsengumi. Would it be better if they ran away? Ran far enough to where no one knew who they were or where they had come from, would that be easier? Maybe running away wasn't such a bad id-

_BAM!_

Before he could even get a grip on what was happening, the front door to the room slammed open and a small body flopped out onto the floor. He stopped for a moment and stared at the fallen 'man' on the ground. Katsuke? What happened? He watched as her head tilted upward, his eyes meeting hers. And silence entered the room. Katsuke's eyes jumped from him and over to Akesato, then back to him. Taking charge of the situation, he moved out of woman's lap and stood.

"Yamanami?" His lover called out with concern.

"Ahh… Yamanami…I had to escape." Katsuke muttered. "I couldn't do it…"

"Katsuke?" Yamanami coughed as he looked up to see the 'man' laying on him. "What happened?"

"I had to get away…"

"Hey! You just can't barge in people's rooms! This is a private moment!" Akesato was next to jump to her feet.

He watched as Katsuke lifted herself from the floor. She was quick to dust off her clothes and stand up straight. She balled up both fists at her sides and directed her glare at his woman. Was she mad? He proceeded to look into his Page's eyes only to be met with a glossy stare. Her brows quivered as if she was in pain and she sucked on her bottom lip. She wasn't going to cry, was she?

"Never mind." Katsuke whirled around and dashed out of the room.

"Katsuke, wait!" Yamanami picked himself off the ground and called out to the 'boy'.

"Yamanami?" Akesato whispered to herself as she watched her lover begin to leave the small room.

Yamanami turned about to the sweet sound of Akesato's voice, "I'll be back, Akesato, I promise." Yamanami spoke in a gentle tone and presented his companion with a warm smile.

Akesato complimented the older man's smile with a small smirk of her own. The two stared at one another for a short second. Lost in each other's eyes, Akesato nodded her head in a slow motion. He turned back away from her and left the room in search of his Page.

As he exited Shimabara he found the small 'male' standing outside in the cold wind. He had to release a small sigh of relief at the sight. At least she was in one piece. But why was she upset? Had someone said something to her again or perhaps taking her to this location was a bad idea from the start. The commander released a small sigh as he approached his underlying. As he came closer, she ducked her head between her shoulders as if she were sinking away. He extended his right hand out to her, placing his hand on her tense shoulder.

"What happened?" He asked in his softest tone.

"Why do you have to look at _her_ like _that_?" Katsuke's reply came as a surprise to the older man.

"What?" Yamanami blinked in confusion and pulled his arm away from Katsuke's shoulder.

"Why did you even come back for me?" She shouted, her voice straining ever so much. "Does she belong to you? Is she your woman?"

He flinched. She could tell, just by looking at their reactions? For a moment he felt his cheeks grow warm. Since when did his Page care about what his private matters were? It wasn't like she had known him for an extended period of time; they had only known one another for a month. Was she jealous? No, there was no way she could become _that_ possessive of him in such a short period of time. But why else would she act out in such a way? Perhaps it was because he was her superior, or maybe because he was a strong male influence in her life. But she had a father, didn't she?

"_My family, my father has been taken…"_

Oh, was that it?

"Even in that second when I saw you two together, I could tell."

She loved him? So soon?

"Why can't you treat me that way?"

He felt his limps relax. So this was what all of this possessiveness was about. Hm, how was he going to deal with this? It wasn't every day a woman showed him her affections. He appreciated his new Page, there was no doubt about that but there was no way he could ever _love_ her. He had someone to love. He needed to soften the fall for her; he had to be gentle with her.

"I treat her in that way because she is a woman." His words came across plain, bland.

"Treat me that way, Yamanami." She whispered in a tone just high enough for him to hear.

He shook his head from side to side, "You are a man now. You became a man once you took up the role as my Page. I cannot risk you or the Shinsengumi and reveal your secret." Yamanami's eyes narrowed, "Do you understand?"

She refused to make a movement other than to shake her head back and forth. "Please!" Katsuke shouted, "Respect me as a woman and…" She lifted her chin, her red and glossy eyes linking with his.

A small smile formed on his face. He then lifted his arm again, this time placing his hand on Katsuke's head, "Perhaps when we are alone, I can treat you as a woman."

She gave him a look of dissatisfaction. So that wasn't enough for her? He couldn't do any more for her; he made a promise to her one-month ago. He wasn't about to go back on it; he had bonded with her on just that. They were more than just people who worked together, with that promise they became master and understudy. Different from friendship, far from lovers, they were something in between. And that was something he didn't want to lose, even if her love went on one-sided. His smile would have to do for now.

"Can we go home now then?"

Yamanami let his arm drop to his side, "Sure. Let's go."

"Hey…" Katsuke paused before the two could continue with their walk home, "Should we really just leave the three jokers back there?"

"Why not?" Yamanami shrugged a small smile making its way across his face, "I think we deserve a break."

Act End.


	6. Act Six

Searching for Paradise

Act Six

"You're awfully distracted today."

Ugh, distracted wasn't the right word. After a night like last night? After all those strange feelings had passed, she never wanted to experience them again. It was a complete mixture of anger, upset and raw rejection. So what Yamanami had a woman! It wasn't like she _loved_ him or anything… But if that was the case, then why was she still hurting? Why did her chest still feel like it was on the verge of collapse? Gah! She didn't need this!

At least folding laundry was a lot more tame then a trip to Shimabara. Katsuke paid Tetsunosuke no mind as she folded each new blanket he handed to her. What was she supposed to say, that her first love had crashed and burned within a month's time? Psh, no he didn't need to know, no one did.

"You wouldn't understand, kid." She grunted, placing her finished folded work in a wicker basket.

"I'm not a kid!" Tetsunosuke snarled while he forced the next blanket into her arms.

"Well it's not like you know anything about true love," She said lifting a single brow. "Of are you hiding a secret crush from me?"

The redhead was quick to arch his back and freeze in motion. A small burst of red hit his chubby cheeks while his eyebrows arched to the top of his forehead. "What are you talking about?" He was quick to counter with anger. "You're being weird."

Ah, so that's how he was going to play it, eh? He couldn't be more obvious! Sheesh, kids! She linked her fists to her hips, blanket hitting the floor, and sneered. "Who is it?"

"I have no idea what you mean!" He protested. "You're letting the clean laundry hit the floor, cut it out!"

"You're no fun." She rolled her eyes and lifted the blanket from the ground. "But what should I expect when I'm talking to a dog-face like you." She turned her nose away from the boy and proceeded about her work.

"_What_ did you call me?"

Hm, so she had gotten under his skin? She could tell just by the sound of his voice! Ha! "I know you've heard the nickname before," She turned back to the smaller Page with a wicked grin. "It's pretty fitting, seeing how puppy-like you are."

"You…" He lifted his balled fist to chest level and hissed through his teeth.

"Hey, Katsuke!"

She flinched and looked over her shoulder only to see Souji standing in the dojo entry with his arm extended and waving. A smile broke out on her features and she was quick to wave back in reply. Ah, the one person who understood her above everyone else not to mention how _easy_ on the eyes he was.

"Yamanami wants to see you," He called out, his arm dropping. "He says to come in a hurry!"

Could it get any better? Without wasting one second, she balled up the blanket in her hands and shoved the fabric into her fellow Page's chest. He released a small 'oomph' which she ignored and took off in the direction of the house.

"Hey! You can't just leave this work for me!" Tetsunosuke's voice echoed through the dojo but fell on her deaf ears.

Ha, as if she was going to give up the chance to miss out on chores! If her master was calling her, she was going to run to him as fast as possible. He might have rejected her but that didn't mean she had to give up on him! He was still free game, right? He wasn't _married_ or anything! She'd just have to use her usual swagger and she'd bag the beautiful four-eyed man in an instant! It would be easy; no girl at Shimabara would stand her up. After all, she was younger! Ah, she could see it now…

The sudden sensation of a warm body against her own forced her to cease her daydreams. She flinched, opening her eyes and readjusting her focus only to see a muscular chest before her. What the hell? Had she bumped into someone? Surely it was Yamanami coming to look for her or one of the three jokesters but when she took a step or two backward she was met with a cold unfamiliar stare. Black hair, black eyes and a pronounced frown that was further than just intimidating. Her heart stopped all the blood that flowed through her veins froze over. What the…who?

"What kind of person walks around with his eyes closed?" The man uttered his voice low and smooth. "You'd really have to be a fool to do somethin' like that."

Her dumbfounded demeanor changed in an instant. Her brows furrowed, her lip pouted and her fists clenched. Who the _hell_ did he think he was? How dare he come at her with such rudeness and disrespect? Was he trying to force his alpha male tricks on her? Seeing that he wasn't anyone she had seen before, she wouldn't put it passed him to try to show off to the newbie! She had to assert her dominance; she had to prove that she wouldn't let a pretty face come in her way!

She pushed out her flattened chest as far as possible and in her manliest voice bellowed, "Hey, what kind of person walks _into_ a person with their eyes closed?"

His upper lip twitched. So he wasn't expecting such a reply from a lower ranking member, was he? Ha! Served him right! It'd show him that even the underdog had some bite; she wasn't something to be reckoned with. Maybe next time he'd think twice about coming at her with anger!

"You talk to your superior like that?"

So he wanted to continue? Psh, typical man. "I just did, didn't I?" She lifted a single brow and cracked a smirk.

"You've got some nerve, talkin' to me in that tone. You need to straighten out before that mouth of yours get ya in more trouble than it's worth." He snapped back in defense, before walking around her and disappeared from sight.

Gah! If he weren't so good looking she'd be sure to stick her tongue out at him as he walked off. Where did this guy come from? She hadn't seen him around in the month she'd stayed in the Shinsengumi. He couldn't be a newbie like her, not after saying that he was her superior. Hm, maybe he was on a mission or perhaps she just hadn't noticed him before? Either way there was no way she could forget him now!

"Jerk." She pushed air into her cheeks and hummed.

"Are you talking about Susumu?"

Katsuke felt her whole body freeze. She spun on her heel and watched as Souji approached her, all the while smiling in his usual fashion. "Yeah," She nodded a single time. "He seems like a jackass."

"Hm," Souji stood beside her and placed his index finger beneath his lip. "He's always been like that. Oh but I have to tell you," He removed his hand from his face and focused his sight on her. "He works as our resident Watcher so please don't refer to him as Susumu in public."

"Ah, got it."

"Anyway," The taller male was quick to change the subject. "Yamanami is waiting for you, you should catch up with him."

Ah, right! She took a moment to clear her mind before looking to Souji with a smile. "Thanks." He gave her a quick wink before carrying about his business.

Not even a jerk like Susumu could get her upset just when she was about to see the man of her dreams! So there was one jerk in the group of two hundred men, she still had Yamanami! Hey, as long as she didn't _need_ to talk to him, they should be good, right?

XoXoX

"Ah, there you are."

His gorgeous smile welcomed her first. What else could a girl ask for, a handsome man waiting for her with a grin that stretched ear from ear? It was like he was happy to see her! Gah, to think that _he_, Yamanami was waiting for her with some sense of eagerness! It was enough to cause her heart to fly out of her chest cavity. She was sure he could hear the thumping of her nervous and shy heart because that was all that echoed in her ears.

"I was about to look for you myself," He released a quick chuckle as she came closer and took a seat across from him.

"Oh no need to do that." She broke out into a nervous laughter. "I'll _always_ come when you call."

"Good to know." He adjusted himself and cleared his throat before apparently 'getting down to business'. "I wanted you here because there is a small cemetery a few minutes from here that needs a guard. It seems that some Choshu have been spotted down there, digging up graves and such."

Ah so that's what this was this meeting was about? Hm, her girlish hopes had thought that maybe he wanted to spend some alone tome with her! Her bottom lip threatened to protrude in disappointment but she resisted the urge. So this was strictly business, was it? Pah, it was just her luck to get all the dull work!

"I want you to go down there and stand guard with one of our older unit captains."

So she'd be sitting in a _graveyard_ with some old man? Could it get any worse? Geez, what the hell, what did she do to deserve this? She was doing well on her chores! Better than that puppy-Page anyway! "Is that all?"

"That's the plan." He maintained his heartwarming smile and soft, sweet voice that brought Katsuke to her knees.

"All right…" She muttered as she felt a small amount of heat growing on her cheeks.

"If you can complete this mission without a problem, I'm sure that Hijikata will see that you are worthy of becoming one of our Watchers." He continued, extending his arm out until he was touching her leg.

He was touching her! The urge to squeal and attach herself to him came and quickly left her mind. Oh why did he have to be so nice to her? He just rejected her the other night, didn't he? So what was up with _touching_ her? No! She had to resist his dark temptations! Even if she _wanted_ to engage in them, it was just too soon and after last night? She still needed time to recover!

She jerked backward, breaking the contact between them. "Okay! I'll do it!"

"Good." He retracted his arm and nodded. "You should go rest, you and your partner will go out after dark."

After dark? Ugh, it just got worse.

"Fine," She stood up and bowed to her superior. "I'll make sure to get as much rest as possible."

Why did this feel _all_ wrong?

XoXoX

"Hey, Katsuke, where ya goin'?"

"Yeah! Out on a secret mission for Yamanami, Katsuke? Sano, get a load of this guy!"

"Hey guys don't pick on Katsuke, just because Yamanami has a wee crush on the guy! He must be good at something!"

Katsuke remained silent, as the trio followed her. The sun was setting and she was making his way, slowly, to the cemetery. Where they _still_ following her? She was sure that they'd give up by now, after the five minutes of ignoring them. They were picking on her of course; it seemed like it had become a new habit for the trio. Perhaps the scent of fresh meat was just too hard to resist? But she had to keep ignoring them! She wouldn't let them get to her! If they could play this game, then she would accompany them and make sure to win.

"Katsuke, TALK TO US!" Sanosuke whined as he grabbed the back of her shoulders and shook them hard.

Katsuke inhaled and closed her eyes. Staying silent was proving to be harder than she originally planned. Sanosuke continued to shake her back and forth in a desperate attempt to win over her attention.

"Katsuke," Shinpachi mewed moving his face close to Katsuke, "Are you sick, you LOVE to talk, almost like a _woman_."

Her eyes snapped open. So, the shortest redhead had discovered exactly how to push her buttons? Smart, but that wouldn't win her attention. These boys could be clever but they wouldn't better her! She would bet her life that it would take more than a little taunting to get her to talk. After all, they should be honored to speak with her; she was Katsuke Nakamura after all.

"Say something, Heisuke." Shinpachi whispered as he pushed the younger man.

"Uhh…" He pondered for a moment; after a few seconds, he lifted his finger in the air and grinned at his two partners in crime, "Hey Katsuke, which one of us three is the best looking?"

"That's easy," She began without even thinking, "Heisuke of course…" She froze.

The three men then broke out into a loud laughter. Katsuke threw her pale hands over her lips in horror. They had managed to trick her and forced her to say something stupid. How could she let them get away with something so simple? She took the liberty of running from the trio while they were laughing. It was a quick, shameful escape but she couldn't take their jokes any longer!

"Those bastards!" she huffed as she ran, "I hate them, I hate them, I _hate_ them!"

The sun set behind her as she sprinted down the roadway, it would only be a matter of seconds before she was at her desired destination. The light from the sky had all ready dimmed to the point of her being uncomfortable. Was she scared of the dark? No way! At least, she'd never say it out loud. But what did it matter, no one else needed to know! Ugh, not to mention the cold wind caused her lungs to squeeze closed. Running in cold conditions was not her forte, her legs soon halted until he was walking once again.

So she would be spending the whole night with a unit captain? She had to admit to herself spending the night with a hunky man couldn't be all _that_ bad. She could always cuddle up beside her unit captain for warmth, right? Ah, the unit captain would be handsome, not as handsome as Yamanami, but he would be good looking there was no doubt about that! She was going to make this night worthwhile.

With a single glance upward, Katsuke saw the graveyard right ahead. An old tree sat in the middle of the cemetery and beneath the withering tree stood an older male. He was tall and dark; all there was left was handsome. Oh she could feel it in her blood; Katsuke's feet stepping on the dead leaves produced a loud crunching sound. This sound alerted the unit captain who stood beneath the tree. He turned around to face the new recruit.

That was when she felt her heart sink.

"_Are you not going to introduce yourself to a superior?"_

Oh crap. The face was unmistakable, that black hair and those wrinkles? Ugh, what sin had she committed to receive such bad luck?

"You," He said in his low, slow voice as she approached, "You're that new recruit everyone's talking about."

"Yeah that's me!" Katsuke spoke while her voice cracked ever so slightly.

"Nothing much, there hasn't been any movement yet," He replied as he looked back out at the small yard, "But I'm quite sure they're will be soon." He then looked back at Katsuke, "I hope you got some sleep before you came, we're going to be up all night."

"Wha?" Her mouth dropped open, "All night?"

"You guessed it."

"Great!" Katsuke snuffed and stomped her foot into the dirt, "I would have rested more if I knew!"

"You remind me of someone…" Saitou replied as he looked down at the 'boy' and patted her on the head, "That puppy, I can see him in your eyes. You have the same ambition, the same spirit to do what's right." He continued in his calm, soothing voice, "But he has some issues with behavior, although his brother keeps him in check. Do you have any siblings?"

Katsuke was quiet for a moment and looked to the ground. "Nah, it was just my dad and I until he left." she answered in a small voice.

"Ah, I see." Saitou nodded as he pulled back his hand and as he did, she released a whimper. "What is it?" He asked looking back down at her.

Ah the warmth of some else's touch, she'd missed it. Sure the occasional tap to the shoulder or hand on the leg, such as with Yamanami earlier, was all right but the yarning for a real hug lingered in her mind. When was the last time someone wrapped her up in their arms and embraced her not as a woman and not as a man but as Katsuke Nakamura? Eh, it wasn't like it mattered now, she was a man and men didn't require affection like that.

But then there was this.

"You liked to be touched?" He asked, moving his hand back onto her head, fingers interlacing with her soft locks.

"Not really, but you have a certain something about you." She said with a smile.

"I get that a lot." Saitou sighed, "You see people are drawn to me, because of my talents."

"_Talents_?"

"Yes, I can talk to people who are no longer of this world. Sense their powers, and listen to their stories. I can do this with the living too, I can speak with the soul."

"Okaaaay…" Katsuke cleared her throat, backing away from the older man and severing their contact.

"And you're soul tells me your story over and over." He said as he moved his hand away from her head. "Your soul is very pushy; it's telling me that it wants someone to talk to."

"Ha!" She forced her laughter, "I don't believe in that stuff! There's no such things as ghosts!"

"I'd change my statement if I were you." Saitou replied in a sly tone, "They don't like it when you talk like that."

Ugh, did he have to talk like that when they were standing in the middle of a cemetery? Didn't that kind of stuff freak him out? It wasn't _natural_ to mess with the dead, she knew that much! She didn't have much choice about it anyway; she was going to spend the rest of the evening with him. Hm, there had to be a better way to deal with this for the next ten hours.

"You see that grave over there?" Saitou muttered as he pointed toward a lone headstone, "He was a cross dresser, and was killed by another man who thought he was a woman."

What was _that_ supposed to mean?

"He's telling me he wants you to turn back while you have the chance." He managed to crack a sly smirk.

This was going to be a very, _very_ long night.

Act End.


	7. Act Seven

Searching for Paradise

Act Seven

The sound of the crickets entered her ears and reminded her that she was still outside. Her eyes fluttered open in what felt like slow motion. The images before her were blurry but soon came into focus. Katsuke lifted her hands to her eyes and began to rub them gently. Afterward, she pushed her arms into the air and began a lazy stretch. The scenery of a cemetery became very clear to her, and it was at that very moment she realized that she was alone. What the hell? Where was Saitou? She began to jerk her head back and forth, in search of the older unit captain.

_Oh my god! He's left me for dead!_

Katsuke began to hyperventilate and looked every which way. He had to be around, somewhere! He wouldn't just leave her, could he? No one was that heartless. She turned her attention to the cemetery's exit. If she was quick enough, Katsuke knew she could make a safe getaway. She then jumped to her feet and was preparing herself for a desperate sprint when a pair of cold, clammy hands reached out and touched her shoulder. The hands yanked the cross dresser backward, causing her to fall back onto her attacker's chest.

"It's a ghost!" Katsuke shouted in a girly voice and began to kick her legs back and forth.

"I would be more afraid of the living then the dead, if I were you."

Her kicking came to a complete stop. Her eyes managed to open and she to peered over her shoulder. Ah, Saitou's wrinkled face had to be the biggest relief she'd felt in a long time.

"Saitou?" Katsuke said, nearly out of breath. "What happened with the Choshu?" She asked just as Saitou released his hands from her shoulders.

"They came, and left." He answered, closing his eyes.

"And you _didn't_ wake me up?"

"They came to talk." Saitou answered in a simple manner. "There was no need to wake you."

Katsuke was quick to puff up her cheeks. She shot a glare toward her elder before crossing her arms over her chest and turning away. It was insulting, rude, inconsiderate! How could he _not_ wake him up? This was his mission after all! Now how would she face her superiors? She would look like a fool! How shameful!

"Yeah? Well, why did you let me sleep? What are you up to? If it's my body you want, you can't have it!" She exclaimed.

"You were tired…" He answered with one brow cocked, "So when you sat down to rest, I let you sleep. Besides, I'm more of a ladies man, not a man's man."

"Ah," Katsuke was quick to nod. "_Anyway_," She gasped, "How am I supposed to get my Watcher job if I can't even do this?" She released a lengthy sigh before letting her backside hit the ground.

"I can just tell Hijikata, that you were up with me." Saitou looked down Katsuke, "Other than falling asleep, you did a good job."

"But that was the whole point!" She sighed, letting her chin hit her knee, "And if I can't even stay awake…I'll never do it."

"You have a point." Saitou nodded, looking away from the small 'boy'.

"Hey!" Katsuke snapped, glaring up at Saitou, "You're not supposed to say that! You're supposed to encourage me!"

"Am I?" He asked, obviously feeling at odds.

"Yeah!" Katsuke pumped her fist into the air. "You're supposed to say: _'Katsuke, you can do this, don't worry I believe in you! Whatever you put your mind to, you can do it!'_ Like that!"

He managed to crack a small smile as Katsuke continued to go on about herself. What was with that look? He was smiling yet one brow remained arched; it was like he was looking at her like she was some kind of kid! Fine, whatever, if he weren't going to encourage her, she'd have to encourage herself. She didn't _need_ his approval! As long as Yamanami thought she did a good job, that's all that mattered!

"Come on! I wanna go back home, and get some more sleep!" Katsuke said with a loud yawn and proceeded to walk in front of her partner.

So she messed up her first official job? It wasn't like anything bad happened! But there was still the problem of telling her commanders the truth. Ugh, why did being honest have to be so hard? She didn't need this!

XoXoX

"I did not complete my work as a Watcher. I wasn't able to stay awake the whole night."

Katsuke's head flew forward, her hair draping over her shoulders and eyes. "I apologize for my failure. I will take any punishment coming my way."

The only way she could feel comfortable was when she was presenting herself in front of her superiors. She was able to let her brown hair out of its tight ponytail and hang off her shoulders. She was able to speak normally and let all of her feminine sides out. When she was with her three captains she was finally able to be herself. Or who she _thought_ she could be.

But her three superiors were not impressed. They looked to one another during the awkward silence, just waiting for someone else to speak up first. What were they supposed to say? It was obvious that the first thing on Hijikata's mind was punishment; but she was being honest, right?

"You failed." Hijikata's voice was first to rumble through the walls. "How can we trust you as a Watcher if you can't stay awake during a single mission?"

"I'm not sure sir." Katsuke answered in a small tone.

"You made a fool of Saitou, you made a fool of Yamanami but most of all you made a fool out of _me_!" Hijikata's open palm slammed down on the ground, causing the smaller female to flinch. "You're nothing but a pain in our backsides."

She tucked her chin into her chest and whimpered once again. "I'm sorry sir."

"Toshi…" Kondo whispered to his fellow captain.

"I will grant you this," He said in a subdued tone. "You didn't lie to us. I'll give you that."

She refused to move, refused to think. How could she be trusted now? She had made a fool of everyone who had once believed in her. It was a pathetic sight in deed. What was she doing here? She was only proving herself to be a further burden then ever before. She could feel nothing but sadness grow in her heart. She couldn't do _anything_ right.

"Katsuke," Yamanami spoke out of the silence. "You were honest. I think that's enough to give you a second chance."

She felt her back stiffen and her eyes grow wide. "Really?"

"I don't see a problem with it," Yamanami gave a soft chuckle and shut his eyes before smiling.

"You have _one more_ chance." Hijikata cut in, shooting a glare directly at her. "Screw this up and you're through, understand?"

"YES SIR!" She jolted out of her sitting position.

"No w go out and enjoy the rest of the day, Katsuke." Kondo said with delight.

"What? Really?"

"Sure," Yamanami said with a nod of his head. "Every Watcher gets a day off or two."

Katsuke moved her hands behind her head and ran her fingers through her brown hair. She gathered all her hair and lifted the bundle a few inches over her head. She maneuvered her hair tie off her wrist and began to wrap the tie around her hair. After she was finished she lifted both first to chest-level and prepared herself for the rest of the day. She made sure to bow to her superiors before excusing herself from the room.

As she walked out, she released a long sigh. Allowing to rest her back against the door she groaned. _That_ was a close one. Falling asleep almost got her butt kicked out of this new Watcher gig. But she had to admit; her 'honesty trick' had worked to her advantage.

I'm good. I've got this thing down-

"_We shouldn't have given her a second chance."_ Hijikata's voice entered her ears through the door she had leaned her back against.

"_But I couldn't say no…"_ Yamanami was second to speak.

"_You have to be harder on the girl."_ Kondo intervened. _"We can't let her get away with such things. She could…"_

"_Get the Shinsengumi in trouble."_ Hijikata spoke once again.

"_You can't say that!"_ Yamanami was quick to jump to Katsuke's defense. _"She's helped us in the past, don't deny that."_

"_You're right, I can't."_ Hijikata's voice seemed softer. _"But we can't risk _anything_. If she screws up one more time, she's out. She's useless enough as it is."_

Katsuke held the air in her chest. It was as if her heart had come to a complete halt. What was she hearing? Useless? Sure, on a few occasions she had felt _that way_ but she had never heard anyone confirm it. Was it true? Could she really be useless to the Shinsengumi? She bit down on her lower lip and refused to give in to the burning sensation behind her eyes. Tears were gathering but she refused to let them come. She had to get moving; she had to get her mind off the subject. Whatever she had just heard, it had to be erased as soon as possible.

Is there anyone here worth talking to?

It couldn't be helped. If Hijikata was going to call her useless, then Katsuke was going to have to prove him wrong! Anything Hijikata said, she was driven to do the opposite. If he said to go right, Katsuke would go left. She wouldn't let something _Hijikata_ said get her down. She could do this, and she would prove it to Hijikata.

Katsuke pushed through the raging emotions in her chest and walked down the hall. She equipped a smile on her face and took each step with pride. Nothing would get her down; she would march on without letting the issue burn in her mind.

"Hey Katsuke!"

Said woman jerked upright and looked downward to see Tetsunosuke standing below her. Katsuke was quick to curl her upper lip at the smaller boy and crossed her arms over her chest. What could the puppy want now? "Hey." Katsuke replied in a less then satisfied voice.

"What's the matter?" Tetsunosuke asked, cocking his head to one side.

"Nothing_ you_ should worry about, it's grown-up stuff." She said and shook her head from side to side.

"Quit treating me like a kid!" Tetsunosuke dug his heels into the ground and shouted up at his fellow Page.

She unraveled her arms from her chest and sighed. "Okay! Geez."

"Anyway," He lowered his voice and took in a deep breath of air before continuing. "I wanted you to meet my older brother."

"Oh?"

Katsuke looked beyond Tetsunosuke's shoulders to see an older man standing behind him. She was taken back for a moment, she hadn't noticed the older male standing there before, this was a sign that she needed to pay more attention to her surroundings. The man standing behind Tetsunosuke, the man Katsuke assumed to be his brother, was tall and slender. He had short brown hair and carried the same features as Tetsunosuke. He seemed shy and reserved, the polar opposite of his younger half. He seemed to be the picture of a mature adult. But she hadn't seen him around before, perhaps he was a bookkeeper?

"Hello," He stepped forward and bowed before Katsuke. "My name is Tatsunosuke, it's nice to meet you."

Katsuke was put off by the smooth sound of Tatsunosuke's voice. How soft and soothing. He was so warm and gentle in his tone, something she was _not_ used to. The elder Page gave herself a good shake of the head to bring her back to reality before bowing before her new acquaintance.

"Its nice to meet you." She said in a bland tone.

"I'm sorry if Tetsunosuke has ever been trouble for you." Tatsunosuke took the moment to glare down at his younger sibling. "He can be a pain sometimes."

"Oh yeah!" The exaggerations were quick to begin. She waved her hand back and forth in the air before continuing, "He's a terrible pain! He's the worst partner I've ever had to deal with! You should really keep that puppy on a chain."

"Hey!" Tetsunosuke snapped back at his laundry partner.

"TETSU!" Tatsunosuke leapt toward his smaller brother and grabbed at his ponytail. "Apologize!" He shouted in the pup's ear.

"But he's a liar!" Tetsunosuke shouted in his own defense. "Don't believe him! He's just trying to get me into trouble!"

The older brother ignored the younger brother's pleas pulled him to the floor. The older Ichimura male ducked to the ground along with his brother and the two bowed in front of Katsuke. Tatsunosuke kept Tetsunosuke's head on the floor as he continued to apologize for the redhead's behavior.

"I'm so sorry Katsuke. Please forgive him." The oldest male pulled his head up to face her. "I try to teach him manners but it doesn't seem to sink in."

Tetsunosuke managed to lift his chin. "But Tatsunosuke, he isn't even a superior…"

Tatsu paused for a moment and released his brother from his grasp. "Really? But Yamanami speaks so highly of him."

"Yeah, yeah." She hissed and puffed both of her cheeks. "But forget what I said," Time for a quick subject change, "He's a good kid, I was just messing with you."

"Thank goodness." Tatsu lifted himself from the floor and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"Told you." Tetsu whispered to himself.

"But his washing could use some work." Katsuke pointed out.

"_Hey_!" Tetsunosuke lifted his fist to Katsuke and began to shake it. "If you weren't so terrible at tossing me the clothes, then I wouldn't drop them!"

"Yeah?" She was quick to argue. "Well, if you had a better arm, you'd be able to catch!"

The two 'boy's were thrown into a match within seconds. The two shot forward and slammed their noses against one another and gritted their teeth. It was a show of wills now. Tetsunosuke proceeded to grind his nose into Katsuke's while releasing a loud growl.

"I don't need to prove myself to you!" She snarled, breaking away from the younger boy and turning on her heel. "I have important stuff to do!"

She heard the redhead say _something_ but she wasn't about to acknowledge it. There were other things on her mind besides doing laundry in record time. Life was terrible enough as it was, she didn't need that kid butting in and telling her what to do! She was just called useless after all! She needed time to heal.

XoXoX

"I wonder where…where I'm going to end up…"

This was the only place she could go where she could think to herself. The pigpen never rejected her, never told her she was worthless. She met Souji here after all! Only if she could talk to her future best friend now, but what would she say? It wasn't like she could bare her soul to the one person who didn't pick on her. Souji thought she was a man and she wanted to keep it that way.

As she sat with her back against the back wall of the Shinsengumi headquarters, she looked outward to see the smallest piglet, Saizo, digging about in the dirt. Ah, this place _was_ perfect, now only if she could find the perfect person to talk to. Someone who knew all of her flaws and reasons why she was here. This place was far from the people who rejected her and bothered her, far from any jokers, or evil vice commanders. This was _her_ secret hideout.

"You're lucky, Saizo, you don't have to deal with any of these issues."

She called out to the small mammal, extending her open palm to the piglet in hopes that it wouldn't refuse her. Saizo trotted over to her with his usual scowl, taking a seat about a foot away from her legs. She reached down to the pink animal and lifted him into her lap. She bent her head down until her forehead met with his. He was soft, softer than she would have imagined. If she could stay this way forever, it would be nice.

"Reduced to talkin' to pigs? You're really losin' it."

Katsuke felt her heart skip a beat. That voice, it had to be him! She jerked away from Saizo and looked over her shoulder. Standing behind her was the tall, dark, Susumu. What was HE doing here? A fire ignited in her heart and she sprung from her seat on the dirty ground to meet with the cold male. Just as she lifted herself, her foot ensnarled with her yukata. She was flung forward and landed right into his chest.

His voice instantly became angry, "Hey! What do you think you're doin'?"

Katsuke felt her entire body flare with heat. Hr nose was in _Susumu's_ well-built chest and she could feel him and even _smell_ him. Why was he so warm? How could just one person be so warm? Her eyes slowly traveled up from Susumu's chest to his face. He had a look in his eye that could kill; at any moment she was sure she would fall lifeless to the floor. It was time for a subject change!

Pushing away from him she adjusted herself. "What do you want?"

His face tightened and his frown set in deeper. "You insist on speakin' to your superior that way?"

In an instant, he reached out to her, taking her by her slender shoulders. The taller male lifted her from the floor and spun around until her back met the wall of the HQ. She felt the pressure of his push explode on her back and she squealed in pain and fear. She could feel herself begin to tremble under his touch so she shut her eyes tight and waited for his next move. He then removed his good hand from her shoulder and moved it to her neck. Wasting no time in squeezing, he held to her neck like a vice.

"How dare you disrespect me!"

His fingernails dug into the sensitive skin of her neck as she began to squirm about, desperate to break free from his tightened grip. She could feel her throat closing with each passing second while she gasped and coughed for air. Her hands shot upward and clung to his pale fingers.

"I'll make you regret the day you were born," His hot breath hit her face. "To think they want _you_ as a Watcher, it's a sick joke."

"W-wh-what?" Katsuke managed to open a single eye beyond the pain.

He gave her one solid shake. "I've been tryin' to get rid of you for some time now. I underestimated how fearful you'd become." With a final jerk, Susumu released Katsuke and let her body hit the dirt. "I don't wanna hear another peep outta you."

He whirled around, giving his back to her and proceeded to walk out of the area. Katsuke sat by herself and wrapped her arms around her shivering body. She lowered her head and looked to the ground.

"I have to get out of here."

Act End.


	8. Act Eight

Searching for Paradise

Act Eight

_Dumb boy…_

What gave that jerk the right to grab at her like that? It wasn't like she had ever hurt him before, hell; she'd just met him! How dare he! Her neck was _still_ sore, how the heck could he be so strong just by using _one hand_? Ugh, wasn't there anyone here worth speaking to, besides Souji? It wasn't like she could go crying to Yamanami, what was he going to do for her?

It was too much to think about at the moment anyway. Katsuke released a groan before stepping through the kitchen. A good splash of water to her face should make her feel better. She stepped through the empty room and made a beeline for a bucket of water that sat on the floor. She bent down to the small bucket and dipped her hands into the cool water that it held. With one jerking movement, she splashed a handful of water onto her clammy skin.

What was it about her that no one appreciated? She was cute, right? She was nice enough too; it wasn't like she was mean like Susumu or Hijikata! She was worthwhile, always doing her chores, even if she half-asssed it, and always doing as she was told. What was there to hate? Was it because she was surrounded by men? Were men always this mean to one another? It wasn't like she was enough of a social butterfly to know any different. Even so at least she had Souji, even if he was busy most of the time.

"You shouldn't daydream so much, Katsuke. It'll get you into trouble!"

Katsuke jerked, that voice, it was Ayumu. She looked up from her crouched position to see the older, prettier woman standing above her. How long had she been standing there? Ugh, she didn't look like a big idiot, sitting there, did she? The thought of Susumu couldn't have distracted her _that_ much. It was time to stop thinking about him in any event! The young female Page pushed herself up until she was standing and looked to the older woman with a forced smile.

Katsuke sighed, "Sorry, I guess."

Ayumu, why did she have to be so pretty? Not to mention she was good at everything Katsuke sucked at. Ah, just for one day could they switch places? Maybe then she'd be able to make decent friends and even be respected! Oh and if she looked half as good as Ayumu, just for a day, she would use her looks for all the wrong reasons, like women are supposed to! She was kind too; it was unusual to come across such a combination! So mature and motherly…why couldn't she be more like the sweet cook?

"Hm? Katsuke?" Ayumu paused, "What's the matter? You sound upset."

So she could read minds now too? Damn her and her perfect ways! "All I said was, '_sorry, I guess'_ how can you tell what I'm feeling by only hearing me say a three-word sentence?" Ugh, where did the anger come from? Ayumu hadn't just tried to kill her in the pigpen, Susumu had!

"I can feel it on you, Katsuke." Ayumu answered before sighing. "You're usually very chipper, what's the matter?" She reached out with her right hand and placed it on Katsuke's shoulder.

A bright red flash appeared on her cheeks. Her mouth grew dry while she stared at the lone hand placed on her shoulder. Why was she touching her, especially after being snapped at? How could she be so calm and kind at the same time? Didn't she ever get angry?

Did that mean she didn't get angry after finding about that she threw the brunch at the three idiots?

"It's nothing," She coughed and pulled away from Ayumu once more. "Nothing you could understand."

"Now don't give me that mouth!" The older woman said with her lower lip pouted. "You can tell me anythin' Katsuke."

She could? Since when? "I…I don't think I belong here."

The cook paused for a short moment before speaking. "What makes you feel that way?"

"I'm different." Katsuke gave a simple answer and refused to look the older female in the eye. "I'm more different then you'll ever know. I'm anything but manly."

"What?" The blue-haired woman tilted her head to one side.

"I'm not a man."

She froze. Did she just say what she thought she just said? Did she just reveal her deepest, darkest secret for the world to know? Katsuke could feel her heart sink into her stomach. It was the worst feeling she had ever felt. It was if the whole world around her began to crumble. Everything she had worked so hard for had disappeared in one second, in four words. Things were going to end.

A warm pair of hands landed on her shoulders. She jolted upright and looked directly into Ayumu's beautiful eyes. She was bent down to face her with a look on her face that could kill. Her lips shined in the dim light in the room and her hair fell in front of her face creating just enough shadows to enhance her features.

"Yes you are." Ayumu's voice entered the air in the form of a whisper. "You have everything it takes, just go out there and show 'em."

"Ayu…mu…"

She removed her right hand from Katsuke's shoulder and made a fist. A second passed before she released her index finger. She pressed her index finger into the Page's chest. She jumped upon contact and another red flash appeared on her face. She was touching her! And on her chest of all places, if Ayumu only knew the truth.

"You've got heart." Ayumu smiled. "That's all it takes."

"Heart?"

"Yes." She said as she pulled her body away from Katsuke. "I'd rather have a man who would open doors for me then a man who would fight a war for me." She shut her eyes and inhaled a deep breath through her nose. "I can fight my own battles."

The younger woman felt her eyes grow glossy and wide. The cook _was_ perfect. Everything she was saying and the way she was handling it, she was the perfect mother. Was this the reason why she was so loved? Was it that shining confidence or the kind heart that kept everyone coming back? Katsuke couldn't be sure.

"Katsuke," She spoke again in the melody that was her voice. "You have your emotions, that's where your heart lies. You have dreams." Ayumu reopened her eyes and lifted her fist into the air. "So, go out there and prove it to everyone, okay? Be the best man you can be."

Katsuke felt her heart begin to beat faster. She was sure the red complexion was still bright on her cheeks. But it didn't matter, Ayu was right, she had to go back out there and prove herself to the world. If they didn't like it, then so be it. As long as she kept her dream fresh then that's all that mattered. Nothing could get in her way.

"Yes ma'am."

"Haha, you're easily motivated." The housemaid allowed her smile to spread.

"Thank you again Ayumu."

XoXoX

"Letting her go out on this mission could prove dangerous."

Yamanami sighed. This was the part he hated; it was time to talk about Katsuke's future with the Shinsengumi. If his Page carried on pretending to be a man it held a chance in a fatal outcome. What was he supposed to do as her superior? He wanted her to thrive and become a woman, not a cross dresser. She was in the prime of her life and this was not the time to act foolish. Thank God Hijikata had somewhere else to be, this meeting, which was centered on the young Page, was something the demon commander would _not_ like to talk about. But things needed to settled and now was the best time.

"Is there any news on Tora?" Yamanami forced himself to ask his superior.

"No." Kondo shook his head from side to side.

"Good." Yamanami shut his eyes and nodded. "Then we'll send her on a mission to spy on him. If our sources are right, then he has that candy shop near by."

"Sounds good to me."

The sound of the door sliding open caused both older men to turn right. The image of Katsuke gathered in their eyes and forced a smile on their faces. Yamanami felt his heart beat a bit slower at the sight of her. His Page, even if she was less then perfect, she was still his Page.

"Souji told me you two needed me." Katsuke said as she shut the door behind herself. "So here I am." She lifted her hands to her ponytail and released her hair from the band that held it together.

"Hello Katsuke." He said with a warm smile in her direction.

A burst of heat hit her face and caused her to jerk her chin to the left. So she was still feeling _that _kind of affection for him? Hm, what was he supposed to do about it? It wasn't like this was the meeting to address it. Best leave the subject be for the time being.

"H-hello." Katsuke cleared her throat and twirled her fingers around her now shoulder-length hair.

"We have good news for you." Kondo managed to break through the tension with his comment. "We're sending you on another Watcher job."

"Really?" All of Katsuke's hesitations dropped off her shoulders within an instant.

"Yes," Yamanami agreed and reached out to Katsuke and ran his fingers through her hair. "And you're going to spy as a woman."

"W-what?" Katsuke's mouth dropped open wide. "R-really?"

"Shh!" He removed his hand from her hair and placed it over her mouth.

"You'll need a new set of clothes and a new hair color." Kondo lifted his index finger to the air.

"New hair color?" The girl asked with a look of wonder on her face "How?"

"You're going to wear a wig. A red wig."

"We'll get a form fitting kimono and you should be set to go." Kondo laughed to himself.

"But," Yamanami paused his old friend for a moment and continued. "Katsuke, you're not only going to have to look like a woman, you're going to have to _act_ like one."

Kondo nodded, an obvious sign that he agreed. "That means no burping, laughing loudly and absolutely no talking out of turn."

Katsuke paused for a moment before replying. "You two act like I don't know these things all ready. I _am_ a wo-"

"_SHH_!" Both men hissed at once.

"Its more than that." The four-eyed man intervened once again. "You can't let anyone know who you are or where you have come from. You have to be a completely different person." Yamanami's voice became subdued for a moment, "You have to loose Katsuke and become someone else."

"Any new trait is more than welcomed." Kondo added.

"Like having an Osaka accent?" Katsuke asked. "Let me try: '_I do declare._'" She said with a fancy flick of her wrist.

Yamanami sighed to himself before pressing his index and middle fingers to his glasses. "That will do."

"Who am I going to spy on?" Katsuke asked. Was she that eager?

"A man by the name of Tora." Kondo inhaled through his nose and continued. "We have no trace on his physical appearance and we need you to get us a description."

"He's a weapons specialist working for the Choshu." Yamanami concluded for Kondo. "He's very dangerous."

"Wait," Katsuke lifted her hand to pause both men from continuing on. "If you guys don't know what he looks like, then how am I gonna know?"

Kondo shut his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. "He's known to have a small candy stand in the plaza. He usually has his grunts do the front work for him but we have a good notion that he'll be there tomorrow."

"Why can't any other Watcher do this job?" She asked.

"New faces are always safer." Yamanami answered. "Its safer for us if you go."

"Okay." She said with confidence. "Just get a description. I can do that."

Yamanami lifted his body from his seat on the floor and walked away from Kondo and Katsuke. He walked toward a small closet in the back of the room and gently pushed the door open. He bent down and began to rummage through the pile of folded clothes. After a moment of silence, he straightened out his back and lifted a folded garment into the air. He walked back to Katsuke and handed her the clothes.

"Here is your kimono."

Katsuke pushed herself off the floor to meet with Yamanami. She let her fingers trace along the sides of the kimono. Had she ever touched anything this fancy? She didn't seem to come from a home that held a lot of money, he could only assume by the look on her face that she was new to the fancier things in life.

"Its…beautiful." She awed before taking the kimono into her own hands.

"I'm glad you approve," The eldest said with a chuckle. "Meet us here tomorrow wearing this kimono. We'll give you a last check before we send you out."

Katsuke nodded. She didn't think this was going to be easy, did she? Being a spy was anything but easy; it was a career that required all the acting skill someone could possess. She couldn't mess this up, this was far too important to ruin. But why did he trust her? He could only hope he wasn't wrong.

XoXoX

Why did the sun have to rise so quickly? The day before she was so sure of herself and now? She was a nervous wreck. The butterflies gathering in her belly was just too much. She was sure she would bail on her mission at any moment. Not only was this her only chance to redeem herself after her last failure, she was also walking around the dojo as a real female. She was sure she looked anything but pretty.

She walked down the hall, her hair wafting in the warm breeze. She had attempted to put together her own make up on this mission, it was the first time she had ever tired to apply make up, without her Mother's help of course. There were so many times when she was younger when her Mother would tell her how beautiful she was, oh how she needed to hear that now.

She walked in short, small steps. There was no need to take big, prideful steps with her chest pushed out like a quail. It was time to be womanly and dainty. She shuttered at the thought that she was basically scuttling across the floor. The men around her looked at her in confusion, no doubt wondering when this female start working at the dojo.

"WOW."

Katsuke felt her ear wiggle. She was sure it was another man staring at her assets and making a rude comment. She would have to ignore it, for now. If she were her male-counterpart she wouldn't waste a second and whirl around to throw out an insult or two but she couldn't. She had to be a woman now. She could see Yamanami's room in sight now, she couldn't afford to stop.

Wait, that voice, it sounded familiar. She paused mid-step and looked slowly over her shoulder. Behind her stood the three jokers that she loathed. Shinpachi had made the comment but was quickly backed by Sanosuke and Heisuke.

"Sano, Heisuke, have you two ever seen _her_ before?" Shinpachi asked while giving Sanosuke a good elbowing to the gut.

"Nope," Sanosuke shook his head from right to left. "I'd remember a face like THAT."

"But Sano," A wicked smile spread on Shinpachi's face. "You're not looking at her FACE."

Sanosuke paused for a moment. "You're right, I am NOT!"

Katsuke's eyes moved from Shinpachi and Sanosuke down to Heisuke. He stood beside Sanosuke with no sign of humor on his face. He even refused to smile. Katsuke twitched before jerking her chin back over her shoulder. She sunk her head between her shoulders and shuttered. He couldn't know, could he?

"Hey," Heisuke's voice caused Katsuke to jerk. "That scent, its familiar. I think I know that girl."

"I bet you do." Shinpachi joked at his friend's expense.

Katsuke shut her eyes tight and began to scuttle once again away. She had to leave, there was no way she was going to stay around and let her true identity out. Yamanami's room wasn't more then a few feet away, she could do this.

Act End.


	9. Act Nine

Searching for Paradise

Act Nine

"I'm here."

Katsuke slid into the room, hoping to have gone in unnoticed. She walked over toward her superiors and kneeled down before them.

"Good, come closer." Yamanami ordered.

Without letting a second pass, Katsuke followed her master's orders and sat closer to him. It was then the Page noted a small make up box sitting beside her master. She looked down to the box with one brow lifted. She watched as Yamanami pulled a small brush from the box. He leaned in close to Katsuke and ran the brush over her lips. A red tint was painted over her pale lips within seconds and allowed her to appear womanlier.

"This will make your lips stand out." Yamanami whispered as he added the final touches to her make up.

Katsuke couldn't contain her face from growing red. He was touching her face, her lips of all things! Only if she could inch just a bit closer to him, she could touch _his_ lips. Oh wouldn't that be a sight? Katsuke shut her eyes and inhaled through her nostrils. What would his lips feel like? Taste like? It had to be a wonderful feeling.

"Katsuke!"

"What?" Her eyes snapped open. "What happened?"

"I said," Kondo repeated himself. "We need to think up a new name for you're new look."

"Oh yeah, I heard that." She lied and began to laugh nervously.

"So do you have a name?" Yamanami asked as he returned his attention to the make up box beside him.

She watched as Yamanami lifted a blonde mass of hair from the box. It was the wig, she assumed. She watched as Yamanami lifted the wig into the air and began to run his fingers through it, ridding it of any knots. A red wig? Why did the color choice stick out in her mind so much? A girl with crimson-colored locks…where had she seen that before?

_"I'm Hitomi."_

"I'll think of something…" She muttered.

"Just be sure to have one before you meet up with Tora." Yamanami lifted his hands into the air and placed the wig on top of Katsuke's head. "Adjust it to your liking." He said before pulling away from the young woman.

Katsuke moved her hands to her scalp and reached her fingers beneath the wig. She began to push her real hair underneath her wig. She tucked and tucked until all her hair was hidden beneath an ocean of red hair. She looked back to Yamanami to see that he was offering her a small brown hairbrush. Taking the brush from his kind hand, she began to stroke her 'hair'. She applied a gentle pressure to the brush and began to straighten out her wig. She looked to see a small mirror laying on the ground. She picked it up and began to style her hair to her liking, like her master hand told her.

"Here's the finishing touch."

Katsuke felt Yamanami's warm hands land on her face. She could feel him placing something in her hair. After a moment of waiting, she watched as he pulled away. She once again lifted the mirror to her face to see the work Yamanami had just put into her make over. A small butterfly hairclip was nestled in her blonde hair, placed perfectly by her master.

"Be careful, and don't get caught." Yamanami warned as he helped Katsuke to her feet.

"I can do this…" She could, right?

XoXoX

Slowly, Katsuke made her way down to the village square. She had to find the nearest candy stand. What kind of mission was this? Looking for a man that _no one _had an accurate description of? It was impossible! She wanted so much to pout and cross her arms over her chest but she had to resist. She had to be more of a woman now than she had ever been in her life. She had to be like Ayumu. Gentle, kind and delicate. She had to 'float' along with the grace of a bird.

Looking right then left, she looked everywhere is seemed. Finally to the far left side of the village a small stand stood. Behind the stand a strange man sat on a small seat. He hand both of his legs propped up on the stand, one crossed over the other. He had a small stick hanging out of his mouth and it appeared he was chewing on it. Katsuke took a closer look and saw that he had many battle scars on his face. Bleach blonde hair that grew every which way and a very notable scar over his left eye. Wait, she had seen this guy before, at the bakery a month ago!

"_Surely those Nibu scumbags will never find out."_

She was sure of it; it was the same man that had gotten her the Watcher job in the first place! Huh, what a coincidence that he'd be the guy she was looking for! There was only one way to find out anyway. This was her moment to shine. She cleared her throat and stood up straight. She then walked toward the stand and lifted her delicate hands to her face. With her best Osaka accent waiting in the wings, she spoke.

"Is this the store that carries the best candy in Japan?"

The man twitched, _hard._ Both eyes opened wide and he looked straight at her. The small stick in his mouth dropped and he removed his legs from the stand. He stood on his feet and greeted Katsuke.

"It is." His voice was horse and rough, just as she remembered it.

She looked right into his face. She had to remember everything about him. The eye with the scar covering it, it was white. Katsuke was only left to assume he had been blinded in his eye. He was a middle-aged man with the wrinkles and facial hair to prove it.

"I've heard a lot about this place." She released a girlish giggle and ducked her head between her shoulders.

"You've heard right." He shot a smile back at her. "What can I get ya?"

"Oh!" Katsuke bent downward and looked at the large selection of hard candies. "So many!" She moaned and sent a flirty wink in the man's direction. "I'll take the lest expensive."

"Did your husband put you on a allowance?" The man threw his head back in laughter.

"Oh, I'm not married." She moved her hand over her mouth and smirked.

"Hm," The man paused for a moment before giving Katsuke a devilish grin. "What a shame." The older male reached down to his box of sweets and lifted a small round caramel-colored candy. "Try it, it's on the house."

Katsuke couldn't resist. Almost losing her cool, she reached down and swiped the candy from the store owner's hand. She opened her mouth wide and popped the small candy between her lips. She shut her mouth and allowed the candy to sit on her tongue. It was creamy and oh so sweet. She tried her best to keep her character straight. But the taste, it was almost impossible not to roll her eyes back and groan.

"Wow…I have to say…" She whispered, "That is the best candy I've ever had."

"Then I'll start wrapping that up for ya." The man replied grabbing a hand full of the candy and twisting it together in a small bag. "What's your name, anyway?"

Oh crap. A name? Geez, wasn't she warned to think about this _before_ she came down? She had to think and think quick! Anything would do, anything besides her real name of course.

_"I'm Hitomi."_

"It's Hitomi…"

"Isn't that a pretty name?"

"Excuse me…" Katsuke blushed looking away, "If you don't mind…could I have your name? I want to remember the nice man that gave me a free sample."

"Just call me Tora."

"Take this for your trouble." Katsuke moved her arm out to Tora and handed him a very small amount of change.

"Thank you." He said with a small bow of his head.

"No, thank _you_."

XoXoX

"So what did he look like?"

They wasted no time when it came to asking questions. Katsuke grunted to herself as she entered the room and plopped down on the floor. She moved her legs out in front of her body and proceeded to kick off her shoes. She didn't think her feet could hurt that much after one day! She then lifted her hands to her head and removed the crimson wig. Who would have known a wig would itch so much! She would need a shower after today for sure.

"Don't forget a single detail." Hijikata asked.

Why did they have to invite the demon vice commander to this meeting? Katsuke rolled her eyes, the last thing she needed was to be scolded by the demon commander. She moved her balled fists to her face and began to smudge her make up in an effort to remove it.

"He looked…like a person…" She began, only to be interrupted by the grumpy male.

"More detail!"

"I was _going_ to say, he looked like a person who wouldn't sell candy. He was old and he had a scar over his eye." She pouted.

"That's all you got?" Hijikata snarled glaring at her.

"Hijikata, just wait a second." Yamanami was quick to defend his Page.

"Psh." He turned away.

"AND, his left eye…it was white…he's blind in his left eye." She continued pointing to her own left eye. "Other than that, he was really skinny and really tall."

"That eye…" Hijikata scratched his chin, "That stands out, it'll make it easier to find him…" He then looked back at Katsuke, still in her woman outfit, "Keep up the work."

"_See_?" Katsuke laughed, "I'm a good Watcher!"

"Hey!" Hijikata snapped, "You're still not off your probation! You're still in the doghouse."

"What? Why" She twitched.

"Did you forget that you fell asleep during your first watch?"

Agh, that old can of worms? Couldn't he just forget about that? "Whatever." She turned away; she then reached into her kimono and pulled out the candy sample that she had gotten earlier, "At least I got this to munch on."

"As for your punishment," Hijikata reached out and pulled the candy away from Katsuke, shoving it in his mouth, "No brat food for you."

"_Hey_!" She shrieked, "That was mine! I flirted for it!"

"Too bad, and its good brat food too."

"Toshi!" Kondo twitched, "You really are heartless."

"And for shouting at me," The vice commander grinned devilishly at her, "You'll go without supper."

"…_fine_." Katsuke lifted her nose into the air and grunted.

"Then you can to _two_ nights." Hijikata looked away, "Keep talking back and we'll make it three nights."

Katsuke's cheek twitched as she poked out her lower lip. "Good bye." She bowed, before she stepped out the door.

"Katsuke wait." Yamanami jumped to his feet and grabbed Katsuke, "Here, to last you tonight, ration it." He then placed a few pieces of candy in her hand.

"Gee, thanks."

XoXoX

She was still hungry by the time her bedtime rolled around. The few pieces of candy her master gave her did little to satisfy her hunger. The last thing she needed was sugar before sleep. She would have to wait for a shower, wait until all the other members of the Shinsengumi had fallen asleep. No dinner and a cold shower to look forward to? This just wasn't her night. Katsuke sat up in her bed and began to go through her clothes; she needed to find something fresh to wear before taking her shower. The moment came when Katsuke lifted both her female clothes and male's clothes into the air. She looked at both and began to wonder.

"Wow, such a difference." She said to herself. "But which one is more like me? Which one am I?"

She grunted to herself before falling backward onto the floor. She stretched out her limbs and released a long, loud sigh. She turned her head to the side and allowed her eyes to flutter open. The first thing she saw was the small kunai that had been chucked at her more than a month ago. Why was she still keeping it?

"_I've been trying to get rid of you for some time now."_

Could it have been him? Why would Susumu do…could he be that cruel?

Act End.


	10. Act Ten

Searching for Paradise

Act Ten

Katsuke knew that she wasn't a real male. But did she believe it? Was she trapped in a body that wasn't how she felt on the inside? Things from now on were going to be different, Katsuke was sure of it. She woke up and told herself that things were going to have to change. No more girlish emotions, just raw male dominance. That's how things were in the Shinsengumi. She was going to prove to herself that she could be the man she always knew she could be.

And what better day than this day? It was warm, clear out, and she had finished all of her chores early! What better day than today?

"Hahaha!" Katsuke laughed loudly in front of Sanosuke, Shinpachi and Heisuke, "Did you enjoy MY story?"

"Ah, Katsuke," Heisuke began, as he moved his hand back and forth, "Let's do somethin' else. Listening to you talk all day is…"

"Boring!" Shinpachi ended Heisuke's sentence.

Katsuke puffed up her cheeks. Boring? What the hell? Her stories weren't _boring!_ Now was the time that Katsuke proved her worth!

"HEY!"

Katsuke flinched. She looked over his shoulder and let her eyes wander through the dojo they all four sat in. Standing in the doorway of the dojo stood Tetsunosuke. He had both hands hooked to his hips and a scowl on his face that would only make her laugh. His bottom lip poked out and his cheeks filled with air. It was just too cute.

"What the hell?" Tetsunosuke stomped into the dojo and closer to Katsuke and the others.

"What is it now, puppy-face?" She was quick to joke, causing the three older men behind her to laugh.

"Shouldn't you be doing your duties?" The redhead snorted.

"Sure I do!" Katsuke stuck her nose into the air. "I DO work around here, you know." She then leaned into the smaller boy and gave him a firm poke in the nose. "Unlike you."

"Hey!" Tetsunosuke slapped his hands over his nose. "That's not true!" He then looked to the three men behind her. "What are you doing anyway?"

"_Duh_!" Katsuke threw her arms into the air. "I'm telling a story, can't you tell?" She continued with an evil smirk. "Since I finished my chores."

"That's easy for you to say."

The lone female flinched again. She looked over her shoulder to see Sanosuke talking to her. Katsuke narrowed her field of vision and leaned back in toward the trio. What was this now? Was Sanosuke really going to talk bad about her in front of Tetsunosuke?

"Yeah," Shinpachi was quick to agree. "There's a big difference between YOUR duties and Tetsunosuke's."

"Whadd'ya mean?" She huffed.

"Well," Heisuke lifted his index finger to clarify. "Your master is Yamanami, for one."

"_So_?"

"So," Shinpachi continued where the female Page had left off. "Sannan is a very caring guy."

"And he lets a lot of things go," Sanosuke added. "Plus…"

"Plus?" Katsuke cocked her head to one side.

"Pluuuuuuus," The smaller of the trio leaned in while a sneaky smirk crossed over his face.

"Plus," Heisuke joined in. "He _favors_ you."

Katsuke felt blood rush to her face. She was going to turn red and she knew it. No, no, no! Now was NOT the time to blush! Not like a girl! She began to shake her head right and left. After she was finished shaking her head, She turned to Heisuke and lifted her hand into the air.

_WHAM_!

"Ouch!" Heisuke lifted his hand to his head and began to stroke the bump that the girl had left him with. "I was just telling the truth!"

"Anyway," Katsuke cleared her throat. "That doesn't excuse the fact that YOU haven't finished YOUR chores, Tetsunosuke." Katsuke then placed her open palm on her chest. "Unlike me!"

"Whatever," Tetsunosuke shrugged his little shoulders. "At least I can handle a sword."

She stiffened. _What_? What did this little rat just say? She narrowed her eyes at the iron Page and resisted the urge to curl her lip. No, there was no way this kid just insulted the great Katsuke Nakamura and planned on getting away with it.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me!" Tetsunosuke puffed out his chest. "You couldn't use a sword if you're life depended on it!"

The sound of oohing caused Katsuke's shoulder to twitch. They were actually enjoying this? They enjoyed watching the younger boy tease her? This was far from just insulting! This was down right rude! Disrespectful!

"You sure about that?" She lifted a brow.

Katsuke didn't wait for Tetsunosuke to answer. She turned on her heel and made a beeline toward the wall. She lifted her arms into the air and reached out for the bamboo swords on the wall. After wrapping her fingers around the handle, Katsuke lifted the sword from its hook and took it off the wall.

"Show me how _you_ use them, pup." She smirked. "My dad used to make the damn things. Of course I know how to use them."

"Sure," The redhead began to approach her; only to have the sword swiped out from his reach.

"I _would_ challenge you, but…" Katsuke lifted her hand to her mouth and chuckled. "I don't fight squirts."

Sanosuke leaned in to Shinpachi and whispered, "He's just scared he'll get his ass kicked by a puppy."

He nodded. "Surely."

Katsuke felt her heart race. She _heard _that! Damn, only if the puppy were going to give up, things would be so much easier. It would be perfect; she would have to suppress her laughter as she came out the winner! Ugh, but things couldn't be that easy, could they? But it was just the small iron Page, it wasn't like it was anyone _skilled_ like-

"I'll fight you."

Her heart froze. That voice, no, it couldn't be. Katsuke stopped breathing, stopped thinking. That was Souji's voice! She looked forward to see the older male standing in front of her. Okay, this was the time when she would play it cool. Shut her eyes and inhale through her nose. To avoid showcasing her obvious fear, she then lifted her hand to her ear and stuck her pink inside. Play it cool, that's all she had to do…

"What?" She replied in a lazy tone and turned about to face the beautiful man. Pulling her pinky out of her ear and flicking away any mess left lingered on her finger she continued, "Are you serious?"

"Oh, it will be fun!" Souji clapped his hands together.

"Come on Katsuke," Sanosuke loomed over her shoulder. "Are you scared?"

"Yeah!" Shinpachi added. "If you're not scared, then it won't be a problem."

Heisuke began to laugh. He waved his hand back and forth midair and spoke in a joking manner, "Aw, come on guys! You know he won't do it."

"Pssh!" Katsuke dropped the bamboo sword and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not scared!" she then eyed Souji. "If it's a fight you want…"

"A battle it is." Souji shut his eyes and smiled.

Her jaw nearly fell off. A battle? With Souji? No, this couldn't be right! Sure, the female Page believed she was better than the average Shinsengumi member when it came to swords but against Souji? Talk about a one-sided fight. Katsuke watched as Souji walked over toward the wall and pulled the second sword from its hook. This would be interesting…

Souji placed the sword on the floor for a moment and reached his hand to the back of his head. He then propped his hair up in a ponytail. He used a small tie to make the hair do final. He then reached down to the floor and picked the sword back up. He was ready, obviously.

She gulped. This was _not_ what she wanted. A sword fight with thee one and only Souji, talking smack to Tetsunosuke was one thing but this? It was time to change tactics and fast. She had to make a plan, _now._

"So, are we ready?" Souji asked with a straight face.

Katsuke reached down to the ground. She plucked the bamboo sword off the hardwood floor and stood into her best stance. A plan… she had to think of a plan. She knew she had a zero chance of winning.

She managed to look passed Souji for a single second. She looked to see Tetsunosuke standing in the doorway with a smile on his face. That cheeky bastard, so HE was behind this? Katsuke felt a burning anger beginning to build in her gut. Wait; was that a figure standing beside Tetsunosuke? Her eyes bounced to the right to see a very tall, slender man standing beside him. No, that wasn't… Susumu! When did he come around?

So Susumu wanted to get a kick out of this too? That was just perfect. She rolled her eyes. Geez, could it get any worse? That's all she needed, to get her ass kicked in front of someone…cute.

"Katsuke?"

Someone was calling her name? Katsuke looked back to Souji to see that the older man was speaking to her. "What?" She asked. "Did you say something?"

"Yes." Souji nodded. "I said, we should get started."

"Oh…OH!" She jerked her head up and down. "Y-yeah! Let's go!"

It was then, Souji moved at an electric rate, springing into action. He moved at her, with his first attack. She quickly blocked his first move, squealing, as she held up tight against his first blow. It was then the older man broke away from his attack and tried to get at Katsuke's side. She let out a second squeal and made a mad dashed to the left. At least she had dodged _one_ attack from the great Souji Okita.

The female 'warrior' dodged as fast as she could. Right, left, left, right. It was becoming confusing! The world around her began to blur as she became dizzy. The floor was up and the ceiling was on the ground. Katsuke was sure shed' become sick at any moment. Souji continued to make jabbing motions at her sides. It was nearly impossible to keep up with him!

It wasn't hard to tell that Souji was going easy on her and was growing increasingly bored. Her thoughts were verified when the purple-haired boy kicked up the notch and began to pull more advance moves on her. She could hear the men around her, oohing and awing at all of Souji's advanced moves. But it was Susumu that stood out the most. He was so silent.

What was he thinking?

When she could, Katsuke looked over to Susumu. He stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest and a badass look on his face. He was obviously unimpressed. No, Katsuke HAD to impress him, somehow.

That was it! It was time for Katsuke to pull her best clown trick. If she didn't dazzle the group with her advance techniques, then she would give them a good laugh. After dodging a few more strikes from Souji, she added a twirl to her evade. Dashing from side to side and she began to make faces at her opponent. If she couldn't impress them with her lacking sword skills, the least she could do was make them laugh.

"Oh, Katsuke, come on." Souji dropped his sword and pouted. "Stop playing around."

Ah, so plan B wasn't going to work. Ugh she quickly rolled her eyes. The fact that no one was laughing didn't help much either. Katsuke then brought herself back into her fighting pose. It was time to just give it all she had.

Souji made the first strike again. He lunged at her and caused the inexperienced 'boy' to squeal in fear. She leapt to the right, but just as her feet hit the ground, she saw that Souji had left himself open, if only for a split second. This was her time to move, this was her time to make his award-winning blow.

Katsuke gripped as hard as she could to his sword and swung it. She was sure of it; she was going to hit the one and only Souji Okita! Just before her sword could hit hiss open side, his bamboo sword came down. His sword clashed against her sword. Her sword then slammed to the ground, leaving Katsuke open. She shut her eyes tight, she knew it was over; she was ready for Souji to slam the sword into his side. But…then there was nothing.

A small poke to her belly caused Katsuke's eyes to snap back open.

"Got 'cha." He winked.

"Ah!" She lifted her hand to her head and groaned. "I was so close!"

"That'll show you to showoff." Shinpachi managed to crack a smile at the girl's expense.

"Come on," Souji stood up straight. "It was a good try."

"I _guess_." Her all too famous pout appeared.

Her thoughts came to a screeching halt when the thought of the coldhearted Watcher came into her thoughts. She flinched and turned to the door, only to see Susumu turning his back to the dojo. So he had seen the whole thing? What was with the sudden heartache? So what, he was leaving? It wasn't like she _needed _his approval. Then again, why did she even care? It was Susumu, not Yamanami! Ugh, this loss was going to take some time to get over.

XoXoX

The nighttime wind was harsh. The doors, windows shuttered under the great force of the wind. While all the other members slept soundly, Hijikata, Kondo and himself sat awake in the commander's room. They were looking over things, planning for the future and enjoying the leftovers from dinner.

"Its windy…" Yamanami pulled away from his food and looked to Kondo.

"You know," Kondo begun between chews, "Katsuke has been doing pretty well as a spy."

Hijikata jumped up from his meal and shot a glare at Kondo. "She's finished one or two missions, it isn't that great."

"I suppose you're right." Yamanami said with a nod. "She needs a lot more experience to be on Susumu's level.

There was a pause. Kondo and Hijikata looked at one another for a moment. Even he had to admit, it wasn't like himself to _agree_ with such a statement. Defending his Page was usually high on his priority list. Hm, it didn't matter much, things were going to take time. He couldn't rush anything. But what was he going to do with that strange Page of his? It wasn't like she was experienced enough to take on any important mission. Ah, perhaps she could help Ayumu around the HQ more? Everyone knew the young maid/cook needed it. Having Katsuke only help with the laundry wasn't enough. She needed to know that someday she might have to take over for their greatest female spy.

But this was no time to stay in _that _mind frame. He needed to at least nourish himself first. So he and the other two men continued to eat their meals. But as Yamanami lifted his chopsticks to his mouth, something inside him startled him, causing him to drop his chopsticks on the ground. He looked down at stared at the sticks.

"You know what that means." Kondo laughed happily as he looked down at the fallen utensils.

"Yes," Yamanami replied, almost breathless, "We're going to have a visitor."

XoXoX

Early morning.

This day was going to be long, Yamanami knew it for sure. Was it the way the sun hung in the sky or the way the clouds slowly passed him by? Either way this day was going to be long. The sun's rays were strong and the heat was beginning to take a toll on the members of the Shinsengumi. But work had to commence in any event. Yamanami looked to his left to see his fellow commanders sitting by his side. No doubt today they were going to speak on matters that had given them all great concern.

He opened his mouth to speak, only to have the sound of the sliding door open. His back arch and his senses peeked. He let his head swerve over his shoulder to see who had opened the door. Starting from the ground and up, he saw as Souji's familiar figure come into view. Yamanami tilted his head to one side in curiosity, what could be the problem now?

"What is it, Souji?" Hijikata was first of the trio to ask.

"We have a visitor!" Souji replied a smile beamed on his cheeks. "She's outside and she says she'd like to speak to a commander." He then allowed his body to slide to one side, out of the way of who ever wanted to come forth.

"You take this one." Hijikata's eyes darted over to him.

Typical. Yamanami resisted the urge to sigh. Work was work. He pushed his tired body from his seat on the ground and stood up straight. He dusted off his clothes before taking a few steps to the doorway. "I'll be right back."

Souji led the way without a word, just the way Yamanami liked it. More visitors? That was strange, it wasn't everyday that the Shinsengumi got visitors, this had to be fate. Either way, he had to prepare himself, for all he knew this could be a potential spy. With all of his doubts lingering in his mind, he followed behind Souji.

He stepped outside without hesitation and looked forward. After all, it was a female who was promised to be waiting. Yamanami squinted as the sunlight hit his eyes and glasses and waited for his eyes to adjust to the brightness.

Finally the imagery of a young girl came into view. She was young, not more than fifteen or fourteen. She was slender and wore clothes that seemed to linger on the expensive side. But what stood out the most were the crimson locks that shined in the daylight. Had he met this girl before? Eh, he couldn't be sure but she did seem familiar. Yamanami approached the female with a smile; there was no need to frown in front of a woman. He watched as the young girl dipped her head down in a delicate bow. She then stood up straight and shot him a pleasant smile.

"So," Yamanami inhaled through his nose. "Your name?"

"My name is Hitomi." She answered in a sweet, high-pitched tone.

"Hitomi?" A smile broke out across his features, "That's a sweet name, how can I help you?"

"I wanted to know," Hitomi explained as she looked directly into his eyes. "If you needed a housekeeper here? This is such a big building, you must need the extra help."

"Well…"

Did they need more help around the headquarters? Ayumu did a very good job keeping the place as clean as she could, but did she need help? It wasn't enough that Ayumu was a housekeeper, she was also their best female spy so did that mean they could use an extra pair of hands? If Katsuke wasn't going to be able to fill in for Ayumu, then who would? Ugh, he didn't want to think about that situation. Yamanami looked to Hitomi to see that the young woman now had her hands pressed against her chest with a large set of worried-looking eyes.

"I don't think we do." He lifted his index finger to his bottom lip.

"But I _need_ this job!"

He twitched. Was this stranger now shouting back at him? He blinked numerous times in confusion before repeating her last words in his head for a second time. He looked down to see the younger female with eyes full of potential tears. She needed a job? But she appeared well fed and well dressed…

"Where are you staying now?" Souji's voice caused the commander to jerk.

"Shimabara." She replied in a blunt tone.

Ah so that was it. Shimabara. That was where he had first seen her. But this only further confused him, why would a Shimabara worker _want_ to do housework? Wasn't she being paid enough back at her establishment?

"You want to quit?" Souji spoke out once again.

"Yes." Hitomi answered in a little voice.

"Why?" Yamanami asked with a brow arched. "Don't they take care of you there?"

"I'm not from around here and I refuse to work at Shimabara any longer." Hitomi continued. "I want to eventually get back home."

Hm, it didn't make a lot of sense, but how was he going to say no? Refusing such a cute, young female was hard to do. Then again, that's how he got in trouble with Katsuke in the first place…

And yet.

"I'll discuss it with the other commanders."

"_Really_?" Her jaw dropped. "Oh! Thank you so much!"

He was quick to lift his hands in effort to pause Hitomi from speaking any further, "I said I would discuss it, I can't promise you anything."

"Yes sir!" Hiromi threw her torso forward in a second bow.

"Well," Souji threw his slender arms to his sides and smiled widely. "Until then, why don't you come in and take a tour? I'll be your guide."

She shut her eyes and beamed before replying, "Yes, thank you."

"Just be sure to watch her," Yamanami was quick to warn the duo.

"Yes sir." Souji said with a nod.

Act End.


	11. Act Eleven

Searching for Paradise

Act Eleven

Getting away from Soujiro was easy. She waited until he was explaining something to her to take the liberty of leaving. He shouldn't mind, it wasn't like she was actually interested in anything he had to share with her! She wasn't here to learn a lesson in history; she was here to win over her one true love. The person that meant more to her than anyone ever had.

Hitomi, through the directions of fellow Shinsengumi members, learned his room was once a closet. It was easy to find, task one complete. Hiromi entered the darkened room with ease and quietly shut the door behind herself. She peered into the room while her eyes adjusted to the darkness.

The closet was small, too small for any man to be sleeping in. How did he do it? He was more perfect than she originally thought! She could just squeal with girlish delight if she allowed her mind to wander any further.

As her eyes adjusted, Hitomi saw a strange square object on the ground. It was a tiny wooden box. This aroused her child-like curiosity and she approached it without second thought. Once close enough, she bent down to her knees and wrapped her hands around the box.

"What is it?" She asked herself.

Without any hesitation, she pulled open the lid on the small box. A small pop sound let her know she was successful and with that done, she placed the lid on the floor. A musty sent filled her nostrils seconds after opening the box, it seemed that this box was older than it appeared. Hitomi continued in any event, she peered down into the box to see a single object at the bottom.

It was a beautiful white hair comb. A small painting of a cherry blossom added to the elegance of the comb and made Hitomi gush. She stuck out her fingers and reached down into the box to get the comb. Her fingers touched the cool surface of the comb and she shivered.

"What a stunning comb." Hitomi whispered to herself as she pulled the object from the box. "It must belong to a beautiful woman."

She didn't think twice about lifting the comb to her head. She gently pushed the teeth of the comb into her red hair. With a single stroke, she pulled the comb through her strands of crimson hair. Ah, it was enough to make her blush! What a treasure!

Just after placing the comb in her hair, the sound of a slamming door made her jump. She flinched and let out a small squeal before turning her chin over her shoulder. She looked up to see the figure of a man standing before her. She gasped as the figure came closer to her.

"What are you doing in my room?" The voice shouted out, causing her to flinch once again. "And _what_ are you doing with _my_ comb?"

Hitomi felt the sensation of fear spread throughout her body. She was frozen with fear. But then as the light from the hall entered the closet, Hitomi felt her fear beginning to fade away. This man, it was not just a man, he was thee man she had been longing for. The reason she had come to the Shinsengumi in the first place.

"Katsuke!" She burst into tears as she flew into Katsuke's arms.

"Who the_ hell_ are you!" Katsuke shouted in reply.

"Katsuke! You're here, right before my eyes!" She felt more tears fly from her eyes as she nuzzled her face deeper into his chest.

"You're crazy!" Katsuke barked as he placed his hands on her shoulders and proceeded to push her away.

Hitomi felt her grip on her love give way. Her fingers released the fabric of Katsuke's clothes and she felt her body depart from his. She next felt the sensation of weight on her backside. She had fallen backward onto the floor but she refused to let her feelings stray. After all, she was in the presence of her true love.

"Give me back my comb, you hag!"

The male then lunged at Hitomi. He wrapped his fingers around the delicate, white comb that laid in her red hair. With one swift tug, he ripped the comb from her scalp and pressed the comb into his own chest.

"Don't EVER touch my stuff again!" He snapped. "Keep your ugly crimson hair away from my comb!"

"Katsuke," She pleaded, "Forgive me."

"And how did you know which room was mine?" Katsuke curled his nose in disgust.

"Three young men directed me here," Hitomi answered in the sweetest voice she could produce. "A tall one, a scrawny one and a short one."

"I should have guessed." He let out a loud groan. "Figures." He spoke again, now his voice more subdued and calm. "What do you want?"

"Katsuke it's me!" More tears flew from Hitomi's eyes. "The woman from Shimabara!"

"I think I remember you." Katsuke lifted his index finger to his lip.

"Oh, Katsuke!" Hitomi jumped to her feet and launched herself into the boy's chest. "I love you!"

"_What_?" He let out a loud scream.

"Katsuke," She said as she drove her nose deeper into her beloved's chest. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

XoXoX

"She's gone?"

Yamanami flinched to the sound of Hijikata's shouting voice. Ah, it wasn't everyday something made the demon commander _this _flustered. Then again, losing the female housemaid applicant wasn't something that happened everyday. It still made him scared for Souji, nonetheless.

"She was here one minute, then _POOF_!" Souji waved his arms in the air. "She was gone!"

"Great." Hijikata grunted before slapping his right cheek with his open palm.

"What's to worry about, Toshi?" Kondo asked with a wide smile. "Its just a young girl, what harm could she cause?"

"She could cause a lot of problems, if she's a spy." The vice commander removed his hand from his face before shooting a glare at his older friend.

"She doesn't seem suspicious," Yamanami was quick to jump into the conversation with his thoughts on the matter. "She says she wants to quit her job at Shimabara."

"That makes her even more odd," Hijikata turned his glare over to him. "Why would a good-looking female quit her high-paying job at Shimabara to work here as a maid?"

Yamanami felt his heart stop. _That _was true. He hadn't put much thought into why Hitomi had wanted to quit her job at Shimabara, he only was lead on her word that she wanted to quit. It did sound a bit off, now that Hijikata had explained himself.

"She must have another reason." He said in a low voice.

"Well, I'm willing to hear it," Hijikata cleared his throat mid sentence, "I want to evaluate her for myself."

"Sounds like a good plan." Kondo nodded. "After all, if she comes out clean, we could really use the help around here."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Kondo." The demon snipped.

"Toshi," Kondo's eyebrows lowered over his eyes and he pouted his lower lip. "You know we're going to need more help around here, now that Ayumu is going out on more missions. What if something were to happen to her? We need someone to cover for her."

It seemed as if _someone _was reading his mind, "Can't argue with that." Yamanami added.

"Ugh." Hijikata shook his head from side to side. "Souji," He then let his eyes dart upward toward the youngest male. "Go find her and bring her back."

"Yes sir." The legendary swordsman said with a quick bow.

Why did this feel all wrong?

XoXoX

Oh why did her true love have to throw her out of his room like that? Wasn't she worthy of his love and attention? She had tried her best to look good for him on this day and made his job easier by appearing in his room for him, so why did he reject her? Ah, it only added to the mystery of her true love! It was just too romantic!

Hitomi let her feet drag on the wooden floor of the dojo. She lifted her chin into the air and stared at the ceiling above her. Ah, she wondered how many fights her beloved had fought in this very room. Oh how she adored him, he was her perfect dream husband. If only they could spend more time together! She _had_ to get this job! It was the only way they could be together forever…

"Are you all right?"

Hitomi jumped. That voice, where was it coming from? Hitomi jerked her head over her shoulder and looked left, then right. After seeing no one by her side, she allowed her eyes to dart downward. There stood a small redheaded boy. His puffy cheeks and wide eyes were just too cute, what was a young lad like this doing here?

"Oh, hello." She shut her eyes and let a warm smile spread across her cheeks. "What's your name, little boy?" She asked as turned around to fully face him. "My name is Hitomi."

"Little?" The redhead twitched.

"Go on," Hitomi released a girlish giggle. "What's your name? Can't you talk?"

"Of course I can!" The boy shouted at Hitomi. "My name is Tetsunosuke!"

"Ah," She allowed her eyes to flutter open. "What a cute little guy."

"Quit callin' me that!" Tetsunosuke snarled as he lifted his balled fist into the air.

"How adorable." She gushed. "Where's your Mama and Papa?"

"Ugh!" The boy threw his arms into the air before groaning. "What are you doing here anyway? Don't you work at Shimabara?"

Hitomi froze. Wait, how did _he_ know that? She batted her lashes and cocked a single brow in confusion. There was no way this youngster was a costumer of Shimabara, he was hardly old enough to be staying in the Shinsengumi!

"How did you…"

"I've seen you there before." Tetsunosuke took the liberty of answering her question before she had finished asking.

"Ah." She wasn't going to argue with him. "Hey kid," It was time for a quick subject change. "Do you know anyone by the name of Nakamura?"

"Nakamura?" He repeated. "You mean Katsuke?"

Hitomi felt her heart jump. Ah! This was exactly what she needed to hear! This kid, this boy, must know the great Katsuke Nakamura and soon, he would lead her to her beloved! Then they could begin their romance. Perhaps they would run away together? Start a family of their very own? Ah! It gave her goosebumps just thinking about it!

"Katsuke? Of course we know him!"

That voice, it didn't belong to Tetsunosuke. Hitomi felt her back arch as her ears followed the sound of an older man's voice. As she turned three familiar faces came into view. Ah, these were the three men that had helped her before when finding Katsuke's room. Hitomi watched as the tallest and largest man approached Tetsunosuke and began to pat him on the head.

"Hey there, pup."

"Sanosuke, don't call me that!" Tetsunosuke was quick to bark back.

"Its hard no to, when you're so cute! Just like a puppy-dog!" The scrawny man approached next and jumped in quickly to tease the redhead.

"He even growls like one!" The shortest male added.

"Heisuke, Shinpachi!" Tetsunosuke began to grind his teeth in an effort to contain his anger. "What do you three want?"

"Well," Sanosuke released his hand from Tetsunosuke's head. "We were just passin' by and we happened to hear Katsuke's name."

"Yeah," Shinpachi chimed in. "We wanted to see if he was in more trouble than usual!"

Hitomi felt her own anger beginning to build. Were they just going to completely ignore her? How rude! After all, she was the only lady in the room! She wrapped her arms over her bust and pouted her bottom lip; there was no way she was going to let these _men_ get away with being rude. She was here for a reason, for her mission, and she was not going home empty handed.

"_Excuse_ me!"

She spoke loud enough to grab the men's attention. They all turned to face her with odd looks on their faces. Ah, it was just the reaction she wanted.

"I was asking the kid a question, if you don't mind." Hitomi continued. "Now, who here knows Katsuke Nakamura?"

"Of course we do." Heisuke managed to crack a smile in the midst of the awkward moment.

"Good," Hitomi gave a quick head nod. "Now, is he single?"

She felt the room go into an eerie silence. She had asked a simple question, right? So what was with the sudden silence? Hitomi looked into the men's four blank faces and arched her right brow. She parted her lips to speak only to have the sound of the four men breaking out into a loud laugh cut her off. She felt her frustration level rise to a new level as the three older men began to slap their knees and tear up from their laughing fit.

"What's so funny about that?" A deep blush rose to her cheeks.

"It's just…" Shinpachi managed to speak between snorts. "_HIM_! He's such a loser!"

"Yeah!" Sanosuke brought his index finger to his eye and wiped away any moisture budding in the corner of his eye. "You could have almost anyone you want! Why him?"

"He's a bit odd, isn't he?" Heisuke panted after his laughs calmed down.

"_This_ is why I hate most men!" Hitomi's ears felt lighter as the sound of laughing in the dojo faded. Had her new comment struck a new nerve? She released her folded arms from her chest and opened her eyes to see the men had stopped all laughter at the sight of Soujiro.

"Not all men are like them." He said with a delicate smile.

"Soujiro!" Her jaw dropped with surprise.

"You gave me quite the scare today," He explained as he came close to the group. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Hitomi felt second round of blush appear on her cheeks. She sunk her chin into her neck before replying in a small voice, "I'm sorry about that."

"The three commanders want to speak with you." Soujiro said in a smooth voice.

"Oh!" She slapped both of her cheeks with her hands. "I'll come right away! I was just…looking for someone…"

"Katsuke?" The man with purple hair tilted his head to the left.

"So you heard!" Shinpachi was quick to give Soujiro a quick elbow to the side.

"What's so funny about that?" She puffed both of her cheeks up and poked out her red bottom lip. "He's the man of my dreams!"

Heisuke leaned into Sanosuke and whispered, "That's putting 'man' lightly."

Her ear twitched to the sound of Heisuke's voice. Before she could respond, the group of three men broke out into a roar of laughter, leaving her to groaned to herself. Ugh, men, why did they have to be like this?

"Oh, so _you're_ still here!"

Hitomi felt her eyes snap open. The voice she was hearing, it wasn't just _anyone's_ voice, it was the voice of her soulmate. The butterflies in her belly began to soar while her heart's beat picked up in speed. Ah, hearing his voice was better than any melody, it was hypnotizing. She whirled around to see Katsuke Nakamura standing behind her. Her eyes softened and her lips parted. "Katsuke!"

Before he could say or make his next move, Hitomi jumped at him with full force. She was sure to wrap her delicate arms around his waist as she nuzzled her face into his flat chest. She cooed as she inhaled a deeply and took in his scent.

"Katsuke!" She released a girlish giggle as she tightened her grip. "I've been waiting for you!"

She felt the warm sensation of Katsuke's hands on her shoulders. Before she could respond, the pressure that was applied by his hands disappeared, leaving her to feel her body detach from her love. The force from the older boy was so strong it caused Hitomi to topple backward, onto the floor.

"Get off me!"

After her bottom had hit the floor, Hitomi opened her eyes to see her beloved standing over her with a scowl on his face. She could hear sounds of the other men behind her making comments at him but she ignored them. She only wanted to hear Katsuke; he was the only person that mattered.

"Katsuke!" Tetsunosuke shouted from the back. "You can't push around girls!"

"She insists on _hanging_ on me!" He crossed his arms over his chest. "It's annoying!"

"That's no way to treat a woman." Sanosuke huffed.

Hitomi watched as Soujiro approached her side. He bent down to her level and extended his pale hand to her. "I'll help you, come on."

She placed her hand into his and waited for him to help her upward. Once on her feet Hitomi placed her hands in front of her chest and sent Katsuke her best 'puppy-dog eyes'. She poked out her lips and forced a blush to make herself appear more pleasing. He couldn't deny her, not after this trick!

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" Katsuke moaned as he lifted his hand to his head and ran his fingers through his brown hair. "Why do you love me, anyway?"

"You want to know why?" She shut her eyes and whispered in a soft voice. "You want to know the love story between the two of us?"

"Please go on." Shinpachi grinned.

"I believe that's what I asked." Katsuke snuffed, his eyes darting off in a different direction.

"Well," She was sure to clear her throat before starting her story, "We met at Shimabara. On that exact day, I was going to begin my career, we were scheduled to _date_ that night."

"Ooh, this gonna be good, I can tell." Sanosuke leaned in to Heisuke and whispered.

"But," Her eyes fluttered open. "He refused me."

"Hey!" Heisuke's arm shot into the air, grabbing everyone's attention. "I remember that night! You ran off, like a scared DOG!"

"I recall that too!" Shinpachi broke out into a loud fit of laughter.

"Hey," Sanosuke took a moment between giggles to make his comment, "Yamanami was there too, I bet he remembers!"

"_Shut up_!" Katsuke balled his fist and began to wave it back and forth at the three laughing men.

The woman with the red hair felt her eyebrow twitch. What was this, a social event? No! This was _her_ story and they were _going _to listen, whether they liked it or not! "Hey!" She snapped at the men to gather their attention. "Are you going to listen or not?"

Hitomi watched as the men settled down and turned to her. She could safely assume they were all ears, by the looks on their faces. She cleared her throat for a second time before continuing. This was her story and she had to tell it just right.

"He refused me. That's the one thing no man has ever done to me, refuse me." She explained in a small, smooth tone as her eyes shut. "Every man I have to date takes me without hesitation and I find it disgusting but…Katsuke…" Her hands rested flat over her small bust and took in a short breath of air. "The fact that he doesn't want me makes me want him. Am I strange?"

"Very."

Hitomi's eyes cracked open with shock. Her jaw hung open and she directed her vision to her love. He stood there with his arms crossed over his chest and both cheeks puffed out. His eyebrows hung heavy over his eyes and he presented the worst frown she had ever seen.

"Katsuke!" Tetsunosuke jumped to Hitomi's defense. "Don't-"

"Oh, Katsuke!" She lunged at Katsuke for a second time. "Marry me!"

"Is it just me," Sanosuke leaned into his two partners in crime. "Or is this very, _very_ wrong?"

Soujiro lifted both hands in front of his face and clapped them together in a delightful manner. "This is going to be fun!"

Act End.


	12. Act Twelve

Searching for Paradise

Act Twelve

"How can you expect me to hire you when you've all ready screwed up!"

Hitomi flinched. Oh boy, she was in for it now. Not only did she escape from Soujiro during the tour but she all ready had a bad word in with the demon vice commander, Hijikata. Ugh, what did a girl have to do just to be with her soulmate?

"I'm so sorry Hijikata." She dipped her head down before the three commanders in a desperate plea. "But I promise you, I'll work hard here."

"And just what brings you here?" The demon asked with his left brow raised in interest. "Shimabara must feed and dress you well enough. It makes you look suspicious quitting that job for one here."

"I'm no spy, Hijikata." She lifted her head and looked the harsh commander in the eye. "I've come here for the job and I'm not leaving until I get it."

"Is that so?"

"But Hitomi," Yamanami spoke out from his seat to the right of Hijikata, "Why have you come here, you continue to evade answering the question."

Hitomi felt a sudden rush of heat hit her cheeks. She ducked her head between her shoulders and hummed to herself. It was her undying love for Katsuke that kept her coming back, but how could she explain that to someone like Hijikata? Would he even understand?

"I want to be closer to my soulmate."

She could _feel_ the air in the room change. She knew that her explanation would stun the three older men. Another woman in her situation could only understand her reasoning. It didn't matter if she sounded stupid, it only mattered that she stayed close to her beloved.

"Ah!" Kondo's voice caused Hitomi to look upward. "Its an old fashioned love story!"

"If I may ask," Yamanami lifted his finger into the air. "Who is your soulmate?"

"His name is," She felt the heat on her cheeks grow deeper and hotter. "Katsuke Nakamura. He's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Ah!" Kondo laughed, as he fanned himself gently, "How sweet!"

"It's a great story!" She awed. "It started out when…"

"That's enough." Hijikata was quick to cut in and interrupt the female. "I don't want to hear your story, I want you to know this. I don't trust you. I don't like you and I don't want you working here, got it?"

She gasped. What was happening, wasn't she promised the job earlier by Yamanami? A sudden burning sensation behind her eyes caused her to bit her lower lip. She couldn't cry, not here. She shut her eyes tight and suppressed the urge to hiccup. This couldn't be happening.

"But," Hijikata spoke again, now in a calmer voice. "We need more housekeepers."

"What?" Hitomi said without thinking. "Does that mean I have the job?"

"Not yet." Yamanami answered with a single finger lifted. "But we're giving you a chance."

"You can come a few hours a day and work here to prove your worth." Kondo continued for Yamanami. "Until we can trust you."

"But…"

"If you don't like it, you don't have to work here." Hijikata growled. "You've been blessed with the opportunity to work here, don't screw it up."

"So," Yamanami broke into a warm smile. "Are you going to take it?"

"Yes." Hitomi didn't have to think about it. The answer was clear. "Yes I will."

XoXoX

Katsuke hated sweeping. Not only was it time consuming, but it was exhausting. Ugh, why could Tetsunosuke take up this job for her? Was it so hard to get some help around this place? As far as Katsuke was concerned, Tetsunosuke had the easy job of washing the dirty laundry. Repeatedly ducking dirty clothes into cool, refreshing water, it just screamed 'easy'.

"Almost done here, Katsuke." Tetsunosuke said aloud. "I'm on the last piece of clothing."

"Yeah, yeah." Katsuke adjusted her weight and leaned against the broom. "Just keep those clothes comin'."

Tetsunosuke perked up from his work and glared at Katsuke. "What are _you_ complaining about? You're not washing them and _then_ hanging them! You're just sweeping!"

"Hey!" Katsuke was quick to shove her broom to the side and stand up for herself. "Sweeping is hard! Much harder than washing clothes!"

"Huh?" Tetsunosuke broke out into a goofy grin while he cocked his brow. "You always say you have the hardest job, no matter what it is. If you were washing the clothes and I was sweeping, you'd still say the same thing!"

"No I wouldn't!"

"Not to mention washing these clothes is a lot harder than just _sweeping_." The redhead managed to cough out a few giggles.

"You're such a brat!" Katsuke balled her fist and shook it at the younger Page.

"Look who's talking!" Tetsunosuke barked back.

Katsuke poked out her lower lip and turned away from the kid. Ugh! How much longer was she going to have to put up with such _brats_? First it was Susumu then _this_? Enough was enough!

Susumu…there was a problem that was only going to get worse with time.

_WHAM_!

The sensation of a hard, wet object slam into her side. She couldn't help but release a rather girly yelp after the wet shock. The coolness of the object soon began to spread across her side, causing a dark moist spot in her yukata. She gathered herself without hesitation and whirled around to see Tetsunosuke standing behind her, with a satisfied look on his face.

"What's your problem?" Katsuke shouted. "I'm soaked!"

"I'm sorry, it slipped." He said in a simple tone while he shrugged his shoulders.

"Go ahead!" Katsuke puffed her cheeks in anger. "Laugh it up!" She then threw her arms over her chest and turned away from the smaller boy. "I'm going to change. You can finish the sweeping yourself!"

She didn't stay to hear Tetsunosuke's reply; no doubt it was a spiffy one. This was enough to drive anyone mad, but Katsuke's temper wouldn't let this go easily. She would get that pup back if it were the last thing she did! That little redhead had it coming to him; it was only a matter of minutes.

XoXoX

Nakamura wasn't such a bad kid; after all he was fun to play around with. They had bonded in some strange way, a way that no one else could understand. There was a lot about the newest Page that was wrong, no doubt, but how could he help that look of helplessness he gave him? So what he wasn't a great swordsman, with some strict training, Katsuke could be at least worthwhile! Perhaps Tetsu had more potential but Souji certainly wouldn't mind training the _both _of them.

In any event, he hadn't spoken with Yamanami's Page that entire morning! How many times were the commanders going to let Katsuke get away with sleeping in? He missed breakfast completely! It was time to pop into the younger man's room and pay him a much-needed visit. It didn't take more than one minute to reach Katsuke's small closet room. Was there a point in knocking? Souji shrugged off the though and placed his hand on the door. With one solid pull, the door slid wide open.

As he expected, Katsuke stood in the center of the room but he was missing his clothes. Souji tilted his head to one side and stepped in further. The sound of his feet dragging across the floor alerted the Page and caused him to jerk around.

His eyes grew wide. What was on Katsuke's chest? No, it wasn't a flat chest…he had breasts! Souji felt his jaw drop open and his back fall against the wall of the closet.

Katsuke was quick to release a loud yip. She wrapped her pale arms around her chest. Upon hearing her scream, Souji also released a squeal of shock. What had he just seen? It couldn't be true, could it? This had to be a mistake!

"Katsuke, you're a woman?"

XoXoX

Brats can't be reformed. A life filled with privileges and luxuries was something that could not be burned from a selfish child's mind. At least, that's how Susumu saw things. And if one brat wasn't enough, now he had _two _to deal with now. First it was that little twit, Tetsunosuke but now there was that idiot, Katsuke. It was enough to make his blood to boil.

Not only was Katsuke disrespectful in every sense, she wasn't even a real she.

She was the worst representative of the Shinsengumi in the entire history of their kind. She was worse than a man. Her loud, boastful rants and opinions were enough to make Susumu want to reach out and choke her. She was a dishonorable, not only as Yamanami's Page but also as a human being.

And to think they wanted to mold her into a Watcher. How disgraceful.

It went against everything that he stood for. Everything his family stood for. She was a ditz, she was loud and she was rude. Nothing could change that. And watching her prance around the HQ acting as if she were a man? It was embarrassing.

He was there that day he 'fought' with Souji. Ha, what a joke. Not only did she treat an honorable fight with the Shinsengumi's best swordsman like a prank, but also she lacked any real skill in fighting. Pitiful, really.

He was going to scare this girl off, if it was the last thing he did.

Susumu sat in his room and allowed the silence of the air to fill his ears. This peaceful environment was the only act that could extinguish is burning rage. He sat with his legs crossed and his eyes closed. He counted the inhales and exhales of his lungs as he sat in the silence. This was just what he needed.

"Susumu?"

He flinched. Ugh, what now? "What?" He returned the call.

"Susumu," Shinpachi's muffled voice vibrated in his ears. "Kondo wants to see you."

What a bother. Susumu allowed his eyelids to open before pushing himself up from the floor. He stood up straight and adjusted his clothing to his liking. He approached the sliding door and opened it without hesitation. Shinpachi's image before him told him this meeting wasn't urgent. The smile on his round cheeks was anything but critical.

"Thank you." Susumu said in a dull tone, shutting his room door behind him in the process.

Shinpachi gave a shallow nod of his head before continuing on his way. Susumu then proceeded down the long hallway. What could this be about? Then again, why would Kondo send for him if that were the reason? Ugh, this better be good.

Before he could think twice, he found himself standing in front of the three commander's meeting room. He leaned forward, toward the door and spoke in a soft tone, "Sir? You wanted to see me?"

"Ah, yes." Kondo's voice answered in reply. "Come in."

He didn't wait a second; Susumu reached out and pulled the door open. Before stepping into the room he made eye contact with his three superiors and bowed. He pulled his torso up and stood straight before entering the room. He shut the door behind himself and took a seat several feet in front of the three commanders.

"Yes sir?"

"We wanted to let you in on a mission we had planned for you." Kondo was quick to the point.

"Yes, of course."

"Susumu, we want you to go undercover and spy on Tora's troops." Kondo continued. "You will portray your female identity and go in as a servant girl at a restaurant."

"That's fine." Susumu said with a dip of his head.

"Tomorrow evening." Kondo lifted his index finger.

"Yes sir." Susumu placed his and on the floor and preparing himself to stand once again.

"Wait, Susumu,"

He flinched. Did Yamanami just ask him to wait? He retracted his arm into his lap and turned his attention to the four-eyed commander. The older male sat in front of him with a gentle smile on his lips. Why was he smiling? Did he know something Susumu didn't?

"Sir?"

"We wanted to inform you that you will not be going in alone." Yamanami spoke in a lively tone.

"What?" He felt his eyebrows fall over his eyes and his upper cheek twitch.

"Now Susumu," Kondo's voice cut in to defuse the situation. "Let Sannan explain."

"We have a new female recruit that needs training." Yamanami said as he lifted his fingers to his glasses. "I would like you to show her how to spy properly." He then adjusted the frames on his face.

"New female recruit?" Susumu felt his cheek twitch harder.

"More like new female idiot." Hijikata spat under his breath.

"You're talkin' about that girl, aren't you?" Susumu's lip began to curl in disgust. "Nakamura?"

Susumu watched the three commander's jaws drop in shock. Yes, he had known about Katsuke's secret, and for a good while at that. It was no surprise to him; it was obvious to anyone who looked hard enough.

"You knew?" Kondo asked his jaw still locked open.

"Not that it matters," Hijikata lifted his hand. "She's not a member, she's a maid-in-training."

"She's helping me Watch?" Susumu asked.

"Yes," Yamanami answered for Hijikata, "We want her to help you and Ayumu as much as she can. We're not sure if she'll be a Watcher just yet, but we're testing her out."

Susumu dipped his chin downward. He looked at the ground and fought back the urge to shout at his superiors. No, there was no way he was going to let an imbecile like that _woman_ come in and disgrace his name. But…what choice did he have?

"And if she fails?" He asked his eyes still focused on his lap.

"Then we have serious problems on our hands." Hijikata replied in a swift manner. "That's why we want _you_ to accompany her. We know you can get her out of hot water, if needed."

Susumu felt his hands clench the fabric of his clothing. Working side by side with _her_? It would be the worst mission he had ever been assigned. She was stupid, worthless and no good! She would never make a decent Watcher, Susumu knew this for certain.

But he couldn't go against his superior's orders. It wasn't in his make up to disobey his masters in any way; this was something he was going to have to do. Whether he liked it or not.

"Yes sir."

XoXoX

"Katsuke, you're a woman?"

Katsuke felt her heart jump into her throat. Her pale hands wrapped around her body in an attempt to hide her identity, but it was too late. Souji had discovered her truth. She was no the man she set herself out to be. She was just a helpless female.

What was she going to do now? Her secret was out for sure! She would be thrown out of the Shinsengumi and put back out onto the streets! No, this couldn't happen, not when she was just beginning to fit in!

"Souji, I can explain…"

Katsuke watched Souji open his mouth to reply when the sound of footsteps interrupted him. Souji turned his chin over his shoulder to ensure the door was shut tight. He then dashed toward Katsuke with his arms extended. She felt a burst of heat hit her cheeks as Souji wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. What was he doing?

"_Yeah, I heard it coming from over there!"_

Wait that was Sanosuke's voice. Before Katsuke could speak, Souji's hand came over her lips and held her jaw shut. He pushed her deeper into his chest and leaned against the exiting door.

"_Are you sure?"_ Shinpachi's voice was next. _"I thought I heard it coming from over _there_."_

"They're looking for us." Souji's warm breath hit her earlobe.

She could feel the burning sensation of tears building behind her eyes. She shut her eyes tight and clenched her fists. How could she be so stupid? How did she end up in this type of situation? This moment would mean the end of her life.

What would happen if everyone found out? Would she be punished? Would she have to commit seppuku? No, she couldn't think about that! It was too painful to imagine. Ending the search for her family just because of an immature mistake? Now her life was ruined.

She released a whimper as she resisted the urge to cry. Her breathing picked up in speed and her chest began to ache. Was that her heart, why was it hurting? Never had she ever felt so sorry for herself in her life. The hole in her heart began to grow as the pain of her depression deepened. She could feel the strength in her legs give way and she began to collapse in Souji's arms.

She could feel Souji holding her with all of his strength. Not once did he release her, he continued to hold tightly to her weakened body. As she became louder with her whimpers, his grip became stronger. "Quiet…" Souji whispered into her ear once again.

Seconds turned into hours as the couple stood together in the small closet. How long was this search going to continue? Katsuke felt her hands lift up from her sides to Souji's hand. She placed her hands over his while she ached. She didn't want to be touched, not here, not now. Everything was done now; she only wanted to be alone.

The sounds of Shinpachi and Sanosuke soon faded and silence once again consumed the area. Katsuke felt Souji's warm hand release her jaw. She dropped to the floor and hid her face between the palms of her hands. She couldn't cry, not in front of Souji but she had never felt pain like this, when would the stinging stop?

What was going to happen now?

"Here."

Katsuke felt her chin lift from her hands. She focused her attention on the tall, slender man who stood before her. He held the fresh clothes that she had planned on wearing in his hands. He bent down to her level and extended his arm toward her. She glanced down at the yukata in his hand before looking back into his large, kind eyes. Why was he smiling?

"Get dressed."

"Souji…"

"Katsuke," Souji whispered in a light voice, "Why are you doing this?"

She refused to look at him any longer. She turned her nose away from him and faced the ground. She wasn't sure how to answer his question. What could she say that would make any sense to him? After all, that had happened in the past two months…? Everything they had talked about, everything they had done together, it was all a lie. Not only was she lying to herself, but she had lied to Souji, the one person who had been nicest to her.

She was a disgrace.

"I'll keep your secret."

Without thinking she jerked her head upward. She locked gazes with the man kneeling before her. He looked back at her with such compassion and sympathy; it was enough to make her heart melt. What was it about his eyes that made her so comfortable? It took away some of the pain that welted in her heart.

"Whatever you have to do here, and the reason why, I'll keep it a secret."

She felt her eyes widen. The urge to cry came to a sudden halt as the smile continued to spread over his cheeks. Why was he so warm? Without even touching his skin, she could feel his warmth.

"I wanted to see you, I missed you at breakfast."

Katsuke forced herself to snap back to reality. Him, Souji? He wanted to see her? For what?

"When you sleep in like that, everyone misses you in the morning."

Everyone? Since when? They cared, since when had they cared about anything _she _did? It wasn't like they were friends or anything! What was this supposed to mean?

Her eyes moved down to herlook at her nude body and squealed. She was nude! Now she was even more embarrassed now. Ugh. She snatched the clothing from Souji's hand and wrapped her body with the fabric. She looked at the friendly male to see that he had stood up straight and was holding back a fit of giggles. The first man to see her nude and it had to be Souji! This just wasn't her day.

"We'll talk more about this some other time." Souji replied with a chuckle. "Right now, let's get you something to eat, you have to be hungry. Hurry and get dressed!"

Katsuke watched as the man carefully opened the exiting door. He looked back and forth, from right to left before leaving the room. He shut the door behind himself, leaving Katsuke to herself.

"Thank you Souji…"

Act End.


	13. Act Thirteen

Searching for Paradise

Act Thirteen

"_You have a new mission tomorrow. You are going to go on a lunch date with Tora. Try to get some information out of him, okay?"_

That part was easy enough. There wasn't anything easier than eating and talking, especially for her! She knew how to do both actions very well. But then why was she so intimidated? Yamanami had chosen this mission just for her, he told her he had! So what was with the sudden attack of butterflies in her belly?

"_Susumu will be accompanying you."_

Oh yeah, _that_. Why did she have to go out on a mission with _him_ of all people? Anyone would have been a better partner, hell even the three jokers! Now she was going to be stuck from the one person who hated her above everyone else? Across from a table? He was going to shoot her glares, she could see it now…

She could feel sweat beginning to build beneath her wig. Damn, why did she wear such heavy wig? Not to mention it was red in color. Ugh, it was enough to remind her of that idiot, Hitomi. Then again…she _was_ using Hitomi's good name and looks.

But no one had to know that.

She stood in front of the restaurant doors, her small bag in hand. Her kimono dragged along the dirt along the way. Katsuke had never worn such a beautiful, elegant kimono in public in her life. It was a bit embarrassing! Not to mention her face was caked with make-up. The thought of sweating now was just horrid.

She was meeting up with Tora. This wasn't the time for dripping foundation. Only if it were the fear of interviewing Tora but no, she would be working beside the Shinsengumi's best Watcher! It terrified her!

Although he would be hidden under the identity of Ayumu Yamazaki, either way it was enough to make Katsuke run in fear. Yamanami had warned her before hand, but it was nothing she could ever prepare herself for. Susumu? He was hell on Earth. And of course there was that death threat he had made to her in privacy…

"_Be sure to stay out of Susumu's way. He may act friendly in front of Tora, but he won't hesitate to rip you apart afterward."_

Gee, what a humbling thought.

Katsuke stared upward at the restaurant with wide eyes. Ah, this was going to be difficult, and she hasn't even _begun_ to think about Tora. Again she was cursing her luck that she had to be stuck with Susumu Yamazaki.

They would both be posing as female entertainers all the while obtaining any information they could gather on the Choshu's next move. Today she wasn't going to be neither the female version of Katsuke nor the male version. Today, she was going to become Hitomi, a completely different person. She needed to be a woman, delicate and gentle. It wasn't going to be easy by any stretch, but she needed to do this. Not only did she want to impress Yamanami but also she wanted to show Susumu that she was worth his time.

Perhaps he would see past her silly 'male' exterior?

"Comin' or not?"

Katsuke flinched. That voice, it was _him_. She didn't want to turn about, not to see _that_ face. He was just too cute! Too cute to ever stay mad at, but of course they're last meeting was still ripe in her mind.

"_I've been trying to get rid of you for some time now."_

Oh how she wanted to stay mad at him. How dare he treat her like dirt! What did she ever do to him? But then she had to look into those deep, dark eyes. That slender, pale face with those sharp eyes…he was almost too sexy to resist! But she had to keep her ground! She had a mission to complete and she wasn't going to let a pretty face get in her way. She balled up her fists and held what air she had in her lungs in her cheeks. She shut her eyes tight and turned around to face the lone wolf that stood behind her.

She could feel her body twirl about but her eyes remained shut. After a moment of holding her breath, she released the air in a small sigh. Katsuke allowed her eyes to flutter open, now she was prepared to face him. When she opened her eyes she was amazed at the figure before her. This wasn't Susumu.

This was the most beautiful woman she had ever laid eyes on. Black, almost blue, hair that cascaded past her shoulders while a pair of perfectly pink lips poked out of her mouth. She was stunning in every way. But it was her eyes that caused Katsuke to stammer backward and blush. Such lovely, yet dark, eyes. This was the lone wolf Katsuke had been so worried over? No, this was a Goddess.

"Su-"

"No," He was quick to cut in and stop her. "Ayumu."

"Ayumu." Katsuke was quick to correct herself. "S-sorry." She stumbled with her words, her mind still frazzled by his appearance.

Susumu approached Katsuke and leaned into toward her ear, "Don't screw this up." He whispered in a harsh tone. "You screw this up and you're dead, meanin' I'll kill you with my bare hands."

Katsuke felt her heart jump into her throat. Was she scared? No, Susumu didn't scare her _that_ much, did he? Perhaps it was that pretty face staring back at her. He was just too perfect…was that the reason her hands became sweaty?

"I understand."

Katsuke watched as the expression on Susumu's face changed. No longer did his brows dip down over his eyes, instead they jolted upward on his forehead creating a shocked expression. Did she surprise him?

"Let's go."

Katsuke felt her head nod before she could realize it. She watched as Susumu stepped past her and headed toward the large restaurant. It was now or never. Katsuke resisted the urge to shrug her shoulders and followed him. He placed his hands on the door and gently pushed the door open.

The smell of cooking food hit Katsuke's nose first. Ah, it was wonderful scent that made her mouth water. It was more than the food that she got back at the HQ, it was gourmet food! Oh, how she wanted to dig into any close plate…

Susumu glided across the floor with ease. It wasn't the same as walking; it was as if he was floating. What was it about Susumu that made being a woman so easy? Why couldn't she be that way? Why couldn't being a woman come as easy to her? He was flawless, perfect in everyway. Maybe she could learn more from him instead of butting heads against him.

Katsuke followed behind Susumu, trying her best to mimic his graceful steps. She shuffled across the hard wooden floor with her head dipped down into her neck. She presented her best puppy-dog eyes as she eyed each older male. She had to make herself look good; she couldn't give anyone a nasty eye or frown.

Katsuke glanced forward to see that Susumu had come to a table. Her eyes scanned over the men that sat at the tables and she was quick to notice that Tora sat at the far end of the table. He appeared the same as when she last saw him at his candy cart, still dirty, rough and gruff in appearance.

She stepped toward the table and looked for an open spot on the ground. Her eyes were quickly drawn back to Susumu. Damn it! Couldn't she do a single mission without gawking at him? This was getting obsessive!

Wait, were his eyes shifting back and forth? Katsuke focused her attention on Susumu's eyes as they moved left and right. She was quick to cock a single brow as she watched him closely. Was he trying to tell her something? She watched as his eyes continued to land back on Tora.

Ah, he wanted her to sit beside Tora. Katsuke allowed her face to relax before she began to approach Tora. Katsuke felt the urge to nod her head but resisted. She had to put on her best face and pretend to be the same caliber woman Susumu was. Katsuke was quick to bat her eyes at Tora before taking a seat beside him. She folded her legs beneath her body and placed her hands in her lap.

"Why, hello Tora." Katsuke was first to break the ice, speaking in her best Osaka accent.

"Why, if it ain't Hitomi!" Tora threw lifted his hand to his unshaven face and chuckled. "What brings you around these parts?"

She moved her index finger to her lower lip and released her sweetest giggle. "I wanted to see you again. After all, I couldn't forget those lovely candies I bought from you."

"Ah," Tora said as he began to scratch the whiskers on his chin. "I see the quickest way to _your_ heart is through your stomach."

Katsuke felt her brow twitch. Did he just say what she thought he said? Talk about rude! She could feel the skin on her nose begin to curl. No, no! She couldn't make a face, not here and now! She sucked in her bottom lip and forced a smile.

"Tora," She then faked another girlish giggle, "To say that about a woman! Isn't that a bit mean?"

Katsuke felt her body grow close to Tora's. This was the perfect time to use her best flirting tricks. They may be rusty, but she was a woman and she knew how to use her body to the fullest extent! Katsuke closed the gap between herself and the older Choshu soldier. She managed to poke out the bottom lip she held in her mouth and puckered her pink lips at him.

"You think so?" Tora's brow arched and he frowned.

Katsuke felt her inner girl scream with fear. Oh gosh, did she just mess this whole thing up? Ugh! No, she didn't mean to be rude, she was trying to be a tease. Katsuke's eyebrows quivered beneath the fear she held in her chest.

"I shouldn't be so cruel on such a delicate flower."

Katsuke wanted to respond but she was paused by the sight of Tora's hand extending in her direction. He reached out to her and wrapped his fingers around her chin. His warm, sweaty hands pulled her chin closer to his own. A wicked smile spread on his face, a smile that caused Katsuke's skin to crawl.

"What beautiful brown eyes you have."

Katsuke felt her extremities grow cold. She couldn't help but allow her eyes to widen and her lips to part. He was staring into more than just her eyes; he was staring into her _soul_. It was if he was reading her from the inside out, reading every thought in her mind. No, she couldn't let him get the better of her! If he wanted to scare her, it was defiantly working.

XoXoX

Susumu felt his stomach twist and turn. Tora was touching Katsuke's face, and not because he was attempting to be romantic, he was _studying_ her features. He knew within that instant, Tora was on to them.

Susumu watched as the distance between Tora and Katsuke's faces became smaller. He was testing her, no doubt. He wanted to see if her fear would engulf her and scare her out of character. No, this couldn't happen, he had to do something to stop it. Susumu lifted his hand to his red lips and cleared his throat.

The men seated around the table were quick to stop what they were doing to turn in his direction. Susumu allowed his eyes to soften in Tora's direction. He then watched as Tora slowly loosened his grip on Katsuke's chin. That was when Susumu's eyes moved from Tora to the small female he held in his hand.

She was looking back at him with a set of large, worried pair of brown eyes. Her lips had begun to part while the dusting of pink on her cheeks began to fade. She was scared to say the least. It was if her innocence had been robbed of her and she was looking to him for some kind of aid. A stray faux red lock on her head draped out of place and over her right eye. It was an image that shot a strange feeling in his chest.

He noted his anger first. His undying hate for the lack of skill in this new 'Watcher' and yet there was another feeling as well. Was he feeling pity for her? No, he didn't, he couldn't! She deserved none of his time or emotion, she was a useless brat.

But he fought back of odd mixture of emotions and spoke, "Tora," His voice flowed from his lips in a delicate, light tone. "You have to gentle with Hitomi, she is a virgin after all."

Susumu watched the expression on Katsuke's face change from scared to shocked. Her lips parted further while her eyebrows skyrocketed to her forehead. Seeing her sudden change in facial expression, Susumu knew he had to act fast. He couldn't let Tora or any of his buddies know that Katsuke's face had changed so drastically. Susumu lunged forward, blocking and distracting the men from her gaping mouth. After pulling the attention away from the younger, Watcher, Susumu pushed his body closer to hers. He wrapped his slender left arm around her shoulders and pulled her face away from Tora's grasp.

"Is that right?" Tora asked with interest.

"It is." He responded without hesitation.

He then pressed his cheek against Katsuke's warm face. His left hand left her shoulder and lifted and landed on her left cheek. Now with each of her cheek's occupied with either his face or hand, Susumu felt Katsuke's temperature rise. His eye glanced downward to see the blush on her face return with vengeance. Damn, why did she have to be so sensitive? She was a Watcher on a mission; no amount of touches should get in her way and change her persona.

"Why Hitomi," Susumu hummed in a melody as he continued, "Try not to be so shy."

"Poor thing," Tora's voice caught the couple off guard. "Where's that flirtatious little thing I met before?"

He narrowed his field of vision at Katsuke before speaking, "I'm not sure, where is she?"

Susumu felt his first four fingers lift from Katsuke's cheek. Waiting only a single moment, he brought down his fingers on her face with full force. He patted her cheek before breaking into a sweet smile. He repeated the process once more before whispering in Katsuke's ear.

"Lighten up, Hitomi."

"Sound advice, Ayumu." Tora said as he brought his hand to his chin.

"Why don't you two get acquainted, hm?" Susumu said as he detached his hand and face away from Katsuke. "Some alone time might do her some good."

Susumu's eyes darted back down to the scared female. He saw that her shocked expression lifted and the fearful one had returned. He felt the ends of his lips begin to curl with frustration but he forced a smile instead. Damn, when was this girl going to learn? She was a Watcher now; there was no time to get her own emotions mixed with her work. He was going to have to stuff the idea down her throat when they returned to headquarters.

"I think that sounds like a great idea." Tora's voice broke Susumu out of his thought process.

He watched as Tora rose from his seat and stood up straight. He took a second or two to stretch out his aging back before turning his attention down on Katsuke. He extended his left hand to the small 'redhead' female while a grin spread over his cheeks.

"Go on now, Hitomi." Susumu nudged his head in Tora's direction.

'Ayumu' watched as Katsuke lifted herself from his seat on the floor with the help of Tora's offered hand. After standing on her feet, she straightened out her kimono and turned her chin up to face Tora. She gave a silent nod of her head before Tora led the way out of the dining room.

She couldn't screw this up. He was giving her the perfect chance to become a skilled Watcher, she better not waste it. _This_ was the time for her to collect information on the Choshu's next movement. If she wasted this, then she would prove that she was a bigger waste of his time than he thought.

He wasn't going to let second Watcher for the Shinsengumi become discovered by the Choshu. He wouldn't and couldn't repeat his mistake twice.

XoXoX

Tora had led her to the back of the restaurant, a secluded area where the two of them could be left in privacy. She looked left then right, watching for any strange activity in the area. But there was only silence, it appeared innocent enough. Katsuke then brought her attention back to the older man that stood before her. Their eyes made contact and before she could even process the thought, Tora's eyes became locked with her own.

That white eye, it was as if he was looking into her real identity. He could see beyond the blonde wig and boyish attitude, he was looking into Katsuke's _real_ personality. The sensation of Tora reading her soul caused small goosebumps to erupt on her arms. She swallowed hard as she returned his gaze. She had to speak; she had to say something to defuse the stare he was giving her.

She parted her lips to begin her first sentence when Tora's arm shot out from his side. He latched onto Katsuke's left arm and gripped her tight. She could feel his warm, clammy hand on her pale skin. It was a sensation she had never felt before in her life, it was a level beyond fear she had never experienced. She was sure she would blow her cover at any moment.

With a strong tug, Tora pulled Katsuke into his chest and against the restaurant's wall. She released a small yip as he narrowed his nose in on her own. The smell of his breath made her resist the urge to gag while the warmth of his hot breath caused her skin to crawl. She glanced up for a short second, only to see that white left eye once again. She couldn't look at him, not for long, she had to shut her eyes tight.

"What's the matter?" He asked, the rhythm of his breath matching the words he spoke. "Do I scare ya?"

Oh how she wanted to reply 'yes'. She knew that if she were in her 'boy' clothing, she would scream 'yes' at the top of her lungs. She had never been as scared as she was feeling in this moment. Her heart pounded in her chest harder than ever before, she was sure Tora could hear it beating away. The burning sensation of tears behind her eyes forced her to squint her eyes further. No she couldn't cry here, not now!

"_Lighten up, Hitomi."_

Wait, what? Why were _his_ words entering her mind? Why now? She could feel her heart slowly return to its normal pace. The tension in her muscles released and her arms fell limp. She could feel her head clear of any thoughts of Tora and a sudden calm wash over her entire body.

Susumu…

Moments ago, his warm face was against hers. He was so warm. It was a warmth she hadn't felt since her father last held her as a toddler; it was a warmth she hadn't felt in _years_. How could someone so cold be so warm?

Why did he have to touch her?

"Hitomi…"

She flinched. That voice, it wasn't Susumu, it was Tora. Her eyes snapped open and she was soon reminded of her situation. The much taller Tora stood, hunched over her and held her pinned against the back wall. He was so close, closer than Katsuke wished he was and he was warm. But his warmth was different, much different than Susumu's. What was it about Susumu's warmth that made him comfortable?

"Hitomi."

Right, that was her name for the time being. Katsuke lifted her chin and looked back to Tora's face. He wore a wicked smile that turned her stomach upside down. She also took note that he had lifted his hand to her face, the tough skin on his knuckles brushing against her cheek.

"Your hair," He spoke in a low pitch, his eyes locked in a gaze. "Its so beautiful."

Katsuke's eyes bounced to the right, watching the weapon's specialist's hand as he continued to stroke her face. Without any warning, his lifted his hand from her cheek and extended his fingers toward her ear. With a single jerking movement, he pushed his longest three fingers into her 'crimson' locks.

"Its so soft…"

The female Watcher's quiet heart suddenly became loud, louder than ever. She was sure by now that Tora had heard her frantic heart and acted upon hearing it. He continued to push his fingers into her hair until he reached her ear. Her mouth had grown so dry while her eyes burned and ached for tears.

"You're one of a kind."

Katsuke kept her wide eyes on Tora's moving hand. He slowly began to pull his hand back out of her hair. She felt a sudden washing of relief come over her body. Maybe nothing would come of this, maybe she would get out of this clean like she planned. If this Choshu specialist were to discover her secret, it would mean instant death not only for her, but also for her Shinsengumi comrades.

But this was almost over; his hands were nearly out of her hair. He took his time as he pulled his three longest fingers out of her red hair. She watched as his fingers grew closer and closer to the ending strands. Katsuke allowed her eyes to shut and a small sigh to exit her lips. At least in a few seconds she would be free of his touch.

A tugging sensation caused Katsuke to flinch. Her eyes snapped open a millisecond after, and her eyes darted down to Tora's fingers. His fingers remained in her hair, now locked by a small knot at the end of the strands. She felt a hiccup of air enter her lungs in the form of a small gasp. He tugged on her hair in his best attempt to free his hand from her crimson locks. He grunted as he pulled his hand, now putting more effort into his actions.

She felt her wig beginning to slide off her scalp. No! Not now! Katsuke reached out and placed her hands on either side of her head. She had to keep it still; she couldn't let Tora find out this way, not like this. Katsuke moved her eyes from Tora's trapped hand and looked into his strange eyes. His eyebrows fell heavy over his eyes while he frowned in disgust. With a final tug, he ripped his hand free from her 'hair'.

"No!" Katsuke felt a squeal leave her lips while trying her best to keep her wig on straight.

She watched as Tora's eyes grew wide with surprise. Moments later, his eyebrows dropped from his forehead, creating a glare. He gritted his teeth and released a small growl under his breath. Katsuke watched as he lifted both hands to her head, ready to strike her. No, he didn't know, right? He couldn't!

Tora slapped away Katsuke's delicate hands with a single swipe. He then sunk his fingernails deep into the wig's fabric. Katsuke felt her eyes snap shut and jaw clench, she knew what was coming next.

Her life was going to be over. This man, this Choshu specialist was going to murder her here, behind a restaurant. Would he make the murder fast, or prolong it for his own pleasure? Then who was going to find her? There was no doubt that Susumu would grow concerned after a few extended minutes and come back to check on her, right? Would he find her body after Tora was done doing what he pleased with her?

Katsuke felt the wig fall from her head. With a single, powerful yank, Tora had pulled the blonde wig from her scalp. Before she could reopen her eyes, Katsuke felt her entire body hit the back wall with full force. She couldn't help but release a small yip of pain as her small frame hit the solid wall. She could smell that he was still inches from her face but she refused to open her eyes, she didn't want to face the man who would kill her.

"What the hell is this?"

She couldn't help but allow her eyes to flutter open. She saw the expression on his face wasn't anger, it was far beyond that, it was rage. Beads of sweat trickled down the sides of his face while his upper cheek twitched fiercely. She opened her mouth, not to speak but to cry out when Tora's right fist slammed against the wall beside her. She flinched, _hard_.

"You're a spy!"

She flinched again.

"You little whore!"

"No, no!" Katsuke threw her head from side to side in denial. "I-I-I!"

"You can't explain this," Tora pushed his face closer to hers and lowered his tone to a harsh whisper. "I'm going to have to kill you."

"But I'm not a spy!"

The sound of a sword sliding out of its sheath caused Katsuke's heart to jump into her throat. She jerked her head and eyes downward to see Tora's sword glistening in the dim light. Her head darted back up and she met Tora's eyes once again.

"You've seen me before!" Katsuke pleaded, her hands thrown up in defense, "I work at Shimabara!"

Silence. Katsuke's wide eyes bounced back downward to see that Tora's sliding sword had come to a halt and the tension in his face had faded. The rapid beating of her heart began to slow and her breathing became shallow.

"I'm Hitomi, from Shimabara." Katsuke cleared her throat and repeated her place of employment in a smoother tone. "You've heard of me. I'm the newest girl."

The silence continued. Katsuke's defensive posture soon dropped. She locked gazes with Tora, trying her best to focus her vision on his. If she were to look away now, it would place doubt in his mind. She had to keep a sturdy face.

Finally the sound of a sliding sword caused Katsuke to exhale the breath she had been holding. She knew without glancing that he was placing his sword back into its sheath. Had her excuse really worked? Was that all it took to convince Tora otherwise? Oh she could only pray it was enough.

"The wig?" He asked, nudging his head in the direction of the fallen wig.

"I use it to get more costumers." Katsuke said in a simple tone.

She stared into his blind eye, never once turning away. Her lips grew dry and her jaw continued to stay clenched. She wasn't going to give up this game of stares, she was going to win. If she gave up now, she would be dead for certain so the serious stare continued.

Silence once again filled the area. Tora pulled his body away from Katsuke, freeing her from the corner she was stuck in. With one final jerk, he pushed his hand off the wall and once again stood straight. His eyes stayed connected with hers, never once fluttering in any other direction.

"You better not be lyin' to me," He said in a low tone. "I'll be keepin' my eye on you."

Katsuke watched as Tora's eyes finally broke contact. He turned without fail and began to exit the way he had came. Katsuke lifted her hands to her small chest and released a small sigh. She turned her nose downward and saw the mass of red hair sitting on the ground.

No one else had to know about this. Not Yamanami, not the three jokers, and _not_ Susumu. This was yet another secret she would have to keep to herself. She could do this. There was nothing to it. She had covered her failure with the perfect lie, right? It saved her for the time being at least.

Act End.


	14. Act Fourteen

Searching for Paradise

Act Fourteen

Her plans for the day? Sleep, go to the bathroom then more sleep. There was no way; _no_ way she could prance around the HQ feeling like this. Sure she hadn't told anyone about her grave mistake but who else _had_ to know? She knew after all! How could she mess up _this_ badly at one of her first Watcher jobs? It was wrong, what had she done to tempt to gods to give her such bad luck? She was a good person, cute and smart, right? Why couldn't something like this happen to Susumu? Everyone knew his karma deserved it.

She laid on her futon, her back to the floor and face directed toward the ceiling. How long had she locked herself up in this tiny closet? Too long anyway. Why wasn't anyone coming to her rescue? Hell, she hadn't talked to anyone in the past twenty-four hours anyway; she hadn't even completed her laundry work for the day! Didn't anyone care?

Eh, everyone was a little distracted anyway, with Ayumu leaving for a job in a day. With Shinpachi assigned to kitchen work and Hitomi doing all of the other housework, there wasn't much time for her. Gah! But damn, a girl needed some attention once and awhile! She _would_ talk to Souji, if he weren't so busy with that whole imposter business. Of course she could speak to her master, but how could she face him after what happened? Damn, why did this have to be so hard?

She rolled to her right side and stared at her blank wall. What was she supposed to do now? There was little doubt that Tora would discover the truth and come after her. Should she tell someone? She wasn't sure which was worse, telling someone the truth or being killed. Either way it was disgraceful. What to do, what to do…

"Katsuke?"

Said woman flinched but refused to sit up on her futon. "What?" She groaned.

The small door slid open to reveal Souji standing in the doorway. The tall, slender man entered with a half smile and addressed her in his usual kind tone. "Yamanami wants to know why you haven't done your chores."

She turned away from the good-looking male. "I don't feel well." Her eyes went back to the empty wall to her right.

"Are you sick?"

Should she lie? Eh, if she were caught in the middle of a fib, she'd only be in bigger trouble. "No."

"Depressed?"

"I guess." She grunted.

How was she supposed to react? If she told _anyone_ about the incident at the restaurant she'd lose her head for sure! Then again, was it worth throwing everybody else's lives in danger? She could handle this on her own; she didn't need to involve anyone else. After all, how could she hurt the people who fed and sheltered her? This was only until she found her father, after that she could leave and continue her life with him.

"I'm sorry you're feeling down but you still have to do your chores, Katsuke." Souji's voice transformed from soft to stern.

Ugh, did she have to? She just got back from a job, right? What was with working her to the bone?

"Get out of bed!" Tetsunosuke's voice followed into her ears, forcing her to look up from her bed. "I'm not doing all the laundry myself!" The tiny Page was standing beside Souji with his arms strapped over his chest.

"Fine!"

If they wanted her to work, then fine, she'd work! But she wasn't going to be happy about it! She was going to be the grumpiest Page the Shinsengumi had ever seen! And forget about working easily along side her, she'd be mean and crude the entire way. No one said she had to be chipper when she folded and hung laundry. If they wanted her so bad, they were going to get her! Katsuke picked herself up out of bed and walked toward the closet exit. After Souji and Tetsu stepped aside, allowing her out, she stepped into the afternoon daylight.

"What's wrong with you?" The redhead pouted his bottom lip.

"Nothing!" She balled her fists at her sides. "Just leave me alone!"

"Hey, I was just trying to help!" He shot back.

"Help? By getting me out of bed to do laundry?" She frowned, refusing to look his way. "I don't need your, or anyone else's, help."

A warm hand on her shoulder forced her to flinch and look left. She was met with Souji's kind and warm stare. "What's the matter?"

Oh so now he wanted to help? She'd only been locked up in her room for a whole day! Where was he yesterday when she _really_ needed help? Even if she wanted his help she couldn't take it, she wasn't going to risk accidentally spilling on the mistake she made on her Watcher job. Not even to her potential best friend.

She tore her shoulder away from his touch. "I said 'nothing'!"

"Is that the Katsuke's whining I hear?"

Oh wonderful. Her shoulders sank at the sound of Sanosuke's voice. She whirled north to see the three idiots standing just feet away. So had they heard her shouting? Damn, was she yelling _that_ loud? Argh! Even if she was being loud, didn't they have work to do? Ayumu was leaving _tonight_; dinner wasn't going to make itself!

"What's the matter, its not everyday we hear you throwing a fit." Shinpachi smirked his trademark smile.

"Its more like once a week." Heisuke was quick his jerk his elbow into Sanosuke's gut.

"I just want to be left alone!" She shut her eyes tight and protested. "I don't want anyone to talk to me, I don't _need_ any of you!"

"Hey," The middle man's voice strained, "That's a bit harsh isn't it?"

Her eyes snapped open and focused on the trio of goofs. "I don't care! I've been by myself since I got here, I don't want any support or help from anyone! Just let me do my chores and I can get back to sleeping."

"You look a bit pale," Souji's voice alerted her to glance over her shoulder. "Have you been eating?"

Ugh! She shut her eyes and stomped her right foot, "What does it matter?" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Katsuke?"

That voice? Her eyes fluttered open to the sound of a light and high-pitched voice, it had to be Hitomi. Following the sound of her pitch, the cross dressing female looking beyond the three jokers to see the smaller female standing with her hands placed on her chest and her eyes wide with what appeared to be worry.

"What?" She curled her nose at the crimson haired girl.

"Is something wrong?"

What wasn't wrong? The last person she wanted to look at or hear from was Hitomi. Just the sight of the former Shimabara worker reminded her of her failure. The red hair, name and said place of employment reminded her that she screwed everything up. Why did she _have_ to be here today of all places? Didn't she have more things to do then talk to her?

"Forget it."

Silence. Where they finally going to leave her alone? It wasn't like they were there a day ago when she needed them and now that they were here? She wanted nothing to do with them. If she wasn't important a day ago, she wasn't important now. What was with the sudden urge to peck into her life? They had never paid her attention before, beyond the teasing aspect, so why couldn't they leave her be?

She lifted her chin and looked to the faces that surrounded her. She was met with arched brows and saddened frowns. Why did they have to look at her like that, like they cared? She knew they didn't care about her, they were just people she was forced to work with. They didn't care if she had locked herself up in her room or risked her life interviewing an enemy. So why did they have to act concerned? It didn't do anyone any good; it only made her feel worse.

"We've been busy."

She stiffened.

"With so much going on, we haven't had a lot of time to stop and talk." Souji spoke in a soft and gentle tone. "I noticed you were missing at meal times but I didn't think you were upset."

"With Ayumu going out, we've been swamped with work." Hitomi spoke next. "Even these three haven't had time to do much of anything else."

"Not to mention we have to worry about Ayumu, we have to keep strong for her." Shinpachi's voice dropped to a pitch she hadn't heard before. "Everyone has things they need to take care of."

"Including you."

She turned to the right to see Tetsunosuke with his hands linked to his hips. A small smile managed to crack across his small features. Why was he smiling? Wasn't he mad at her, wasn't _everyone_ mad at her now? She whirled back around and glanced at the faces before her. In their own unique way, they shot smiles back at her. The trio appeared as if they were on the verge of laughing! But why? Wasn't she just rude toward them or being disrespectful to her superiors?

"We need your help around here, you know." Heisuke's smile spread.

Sanosuke lifted his index finger and began to wave it back and forth. "So don't you wuss out on us."

They weren't mad at her?

"But…"

The mid-sized joker lunged forward and proceeded to wrap his left arm over her tense shoulders. He pulled her into his chest and gave her a solid squeeze. "Everyone gets stressed, but get over it all ready!"

"I…"

"The more help, the better!" Shinpachi shut his eyes and beamed.

"And if you're upset about something," The group turned their attention toward the 'lone' female in the area. "You should tell someone. We can't help you if you keep everything a secret." Hitomi's eyes grew wider with worry.

"So let's get started on the laundry!" Tetsu dashed from around her back to face her full on. "Hijikata will have our heads if it doesn't get done!"

The warmth emanating from Heisuke allowed her tense muscles to soften while the smiles on their faces melted her heart. Why did they have to be like this, like they were actually _friends_ or something? After all this time together, after all the teasing and taunting and now they were treating her like this? They weren't friends, they couldn't be friends and they certainly couldn't care for her.

But…did she care for them?

"Fine." The smile that had been tugging at her heart escaped onto her face.

"Good!" Sanosuke was quick to throw a wink in her direction. "Hop to it, we have more work for you after!"

Without warning, Heisuke reached toward her face with his index and thumb. He proceeded to pinch her cheek and pull her skin outward. "Feel any better?"

Geez, did they have to act…dare she think it? Cute? Ugh, that was all she needed to grow a soft spot for the three idiots that terrorized her from the moment she entered the Shinsengumi HQ. She wasn't going to grow attached, she wouldn't allow herself, she had all ready promised herself that. Not when there was chance she could lose them. Gah! But she couldn't get sentimental now! It was time to get down to business!

Katsuke lifted her left hand into the air and shoved her flat palm into Heisuke's flat chest. She pushed the older male away from her with a smile. He released a small 'oomph' as he took several steps backward. He steadied himself in seconds and regained that cocky smile he was gifted at presenting.

"Thanks…I guess…" She muttered under breath.

A sudden female gasp caused all the males to flinch and turn toward the 'only' girl in the area. As Katsuke focused her attention on Hitomi, the redheaded female had made a dash in her direction with her arms extended. The younger female latched onto her shoulder, grabbing at the fabric on her upper arm.

"You have a rip in your clothes!" She awed as she pulled at the loose strings. "I can fix it!"

The cross dresser rolled her eyes, "Fine." It wasn't like she knew how to sew, might as well let a professional handle it. "I'll change and you can fix it for me."

The smaller woman broke away from the torn fabric and looked at Katsuke with wide eyes. Her pale baby blues stared into her dark cocoa colored eyes and for a moment they seemed as if they were alone. The look of worry and saddens in her eyes made the Page's heartstrings twinge. Why did she look upset? Was it because _she_ was sad, or was it something else?

She had to get away from that haunting stare. "Um, I'll be right back." And with that, Katsuke twirled on her heel and made a dash for her closet.

As she entered the darkened space, she allowed her back to hit the closed door behind her. Things were bad but why did speaking with them, the people she had only met two months ago, make her feel better? Friends made things easier, so were they friends? Or were they people that were forced together by fate, learning to cope with one another and work together? Either way, she was starting to enjoy it.

XoXoX

She stood outside as the evening moved in. Standing alone she gazed up at the stars that had just begun to lighten up the sky. The sun had faded into the horizon and the clouds changed flashed shades of orange and blue. The warmth of the day was still lingering in the air, allowing warm breezes to push her hair back behind her ears. Nights like this should always be remembered. When the sky displayed such beautiful shades and when the air smelled sweet, it was near perfect.

Katsuke allowed her eyes to flutter shut as she inhaled the last part of the daylight breeze. She should be in bed, hell knew she needed it after that hard day's work she had. But what was keeping her up? The vivid memory of her letdown, or was it something different? For all she knew, it could have been the fact that she slept in most of the morning! Either way, this was a sight she wouldn't want to sleep through anyway.

Hm, maybe the pep talk the guys gave her earlier was really helping. Her mistake no longer felt like the life or death failure she had in the pervious day. It was like her entire outlook had changed in a matter of hours! Since when did talking to other people about how she was depressed change her mental status so much? Was that what friends were for? Eh, it wasn't like she had friends in the past to refer to.

The subject of Tora seemed to die down in her mind. Maybe she _could_ do this, that guy couldn't be so strong, could he? And if she had to face him, she could do it no problem! She was stronger, she was faster and she was much more clever and if he wanted to show his face and challenge her, she'd face him head on! As long as she believed she could do it, she would be just fine.

Gripping at her chest she repeated her mental thought aloud, "If I believe enough, I know I can do this."

It was true; she knew that for a fact. If she tried hard enough, she could over come any obstacle, that's what her father taught and instilled in her when she was a child. Words that she had always repeated to herself, she wouldn't doubt them for a second!

"Katsuke?"

She twitched. Ugh, just when she thought she was alone! Releasing a mental sigh, she turned and glanced over her shoulder to see Hitomi standing behind her. The younger woman still wore that worried look on her face, eyes glossy and lips puckered. Was she scared or something?

"Yeah?"

Her head dipped downward, causing strands of red hair to cover her eyes. "I'm finished sewing your clothes."

"Ah," Katsuke returned her attention to the early evening sky. "Thanks."

"Um, Katsuke?"

What now? Was there anything else that needed to be said? Weren't they done here? After all, she had things to do…like sleep. Being alone never hurt anyone either, couldn't a guy get some private time without a fan chasing 'him' down for anything? Sure she was making friends but that didn't mean they had to follow her around all the time!

"What?" She asked.

"Are you all right?" The sound of footsteps in the grass made the cross dresser's ears flicker. "I'm really worried about you."

"Don't." The brunette said. "I'm fine."

"Katsuke, I wanted to let you know," She spoke in a tone just above a whisper, "That I really do care for you."

This again? Wasn't she tired of promoting her love for her out loud? She held back and smart remarks that sat on the edge of her tongue and listened.

"I don't want you to be hurt or sad. I want you to be the happiest person I can make you, not because you deserve it but because I love you." The sounds of her footsteps came to a stop and by the sound of her voice; she had to be standing behind her.

Even if she messed up, would Hitomi love her then? No, she wouldn't love her. No one would; if everyone new the truth about what happened with Tora then they wouldn't respect her. Even if her mistake became fatal for her, then that would be fine only because it was _her_ mistake. But she knew better than that, she knew that she could take on the whole Choshu army just because she could believe she could. She didn't need pity from this girl, the three jokers or even Souji. She could take care of things on her own.

"I don't need you to make me happy." Katsuke said in a bland tone. "I don't need anyone, I have me and that's-"

A pair of warm arms shot out from behind her and wrapped around her torso. Katsuke flinched upon contact and arched her back. She twisted her neck around and glanced downward to see that the redhead had draped her arms just above her hips. She could feel the younger woman place her nose in her back, her forehead making contact with the area just below her neck.

"But _I _need you."

She what? She needed her?

The bond around her trunk tightened, "I want you and I trust you."

The Page felt her jaw drop while her muscles froze over with fear and shock. What the hell was going on? Since when did anyone _need_ her? There was no way that this girl actually loved her. This young woman who had come from Shimabara and ended it all just to work at the Shinsengumi; she did all that just because she loved her? No, Hitomi couldn't love the real Katsuke Nakamura, not if she knew the truth about her gender and her lies. No one could.

"Why?" Katsuke felt the words fall from her lips before she could even think about it.

"Because I love you."

The words were so simple but what did they actually mean?

"I trust you with my life." Hitomi shifted her head to the right, allowing her cheek to rest against her back. "I know you'd do anything to protect me."

Was that even true? How could she make these claims when she didn't even know her? They had met two months ago, how could she be so sure that she'd protect her? It wasn't like she had ever done anything to prove to the crimson-haired girl that she _wanted_ to protect her. In fact, she had done all she could to push her away, so what was with the everlasting trust? No, she couldn't accept it.

She couldn't deal with this right now.

"You should go home." Katsuke said, making sure to not to make eye contact with the younger girl. "It's getting late."

The tight bounding sensation around her torso faded and the shifting sound of clothing began. Katsuke shut her eyes as the footsteps also began. So she was going to leave? Good, it really _was_ late. Maybe in the morning she'd be able to deal with this better, maybe she'd have the right words to say to Hitomi if she had time to think it over. But right now, she couldn't do _anything_ right now. She needed time.

"Good night, Katsuke."

Her lashed fluttered open but she did not turn around. "Good night, Hitomi."

Act End.


	15. Act Fifteen

Searching for Paradise

Act Fifteen

Everyone's lives has ups and downs, some have harder downs then others while the less deserving have spectacular ups. But this? This was something that should have never, ever, happened. No one as sweet, as kind, as perfect as _her_ needed to die the way she had. Any person's life was delicate, Katsuke new this but, could things end just like 'that'? In one instant the world turns black and there is no more laughs, tears or smiles? Within a blink of an eye, their voice fades, never to be heard again. Some people deserved death, horrible and painful deaths but did Ayumu…she did not deserve the pain that was inflicted on her.

Beaten almost beyond recognition, it was something she never wanted to see again. Her face swollen to the point where she did not appear human, then putting out one of her beautiful eyes, it was heartless. How much pain was she feeling when her arm was broken to the point of a compound fracture? Was she scared? Did she cry?

There was one thing Katsuke knew for sure, she died with all the honor of any Shinsengumi soldier.

And now what? What was she supposed to do now that the maid and cook of the headquarters was gone? Sure, Yamanami had trained her for the past few weeks to take care of the household chores in case of such an incident but was she really ready for that? Then again Hitomi was _supposed_ to help out as well.

She sat in her master's room, watching her superior as he worked on some paperwork. How long had she been sitting there, silent? She wasn't sure but it felt like it had been days since the morning started. It had been mere hours since the Ayumu's wake, hours since she was able to say her last good bye to the cook she had deemed perfect.

It didn't make sense, not at all. Didn't Ayumu believe enough? Didn't she believe in herself enough that she would come back safely? Did she not hear her the last night they saw each other when she told the cook to believe? Why didn't her belief in herself save her from those monsters?

"_If you believe hard enough, you can do anything."_

Or was everything her father taught her actually wrong? What if believing wasn't enough?

"Katsuke."

She flinched and stiffened. She glanced up from the floor to see her master addressing her. The bangs beneath his eyes told the story of his stress, no doubt he had been up the night before.

She cleared her throat, "Yes?"

"Its sunset," He lifted his index finger and thumb to his nose and lifted his glasses a few centimeters. Taking a moment to rub the area where his glasses connected, he released a small sigh. "You should go and feed the pigs for the night."

"Fine."

Without a second word, she lifted herself from her seat on the floor and straightened out her back. There wasn't anything else that needed to be said, things were pretty clear from here on out, right? She was going to have to take over for Ayumu, that's what she was here for. Now that the woman that everyone loved so dearly was dead, she was going to be left to bear the weight of passer's work.

An impossible job for sure.

No one loved her the way they loved Ayumu and she could understand exactly why. In nearly every way she was the polar opposite of the elder Yamazaki sibling. Rude, mean, cold, sarcastic and unattractive; she had come to terms with that when she first met the queen but she didn't have to really face it until this moment. How could she carry on the love that Ayumu gave out so easily? She was never going to measure up to it.

In truth, she was scared. But no one had to know that.

Why bother trying to be like her if it wasn't possible? Wouldn't it be more insulting if she tried and failed? So why try? Might as well embrace the terrible person she was, right? To try to outshine the former cook would be disrespectful, it would be best to prove her everlasting kindness by being cold. It would preserve Ayumu's immortal love.

Damn, realizing her own terrible traits had never been harder. Everyone has flaws but at least she used to think she was good at something. The old Katsuke was strong, confident and cocky even when she knew that she was wrong. But now? Things were different that was for sure. Not only had she failed at the only job she was given but now she was supposed to take over for someone that she knew she could never be? It was impossible.

Where was the Katsuke Nakamura who was so sure of herself?

"You understand what is expected of you now, don't you Katsuke?" Yamanami asked in a tone just above a whisper.

She stopped just in front of the bedroom door. "Yes."

"Good."

She lifted her arm toward the sliding door when the sound of her master sighing alerted her and caused her to stop. Instead of turning her chin over her shoulder to meet his gaze, she stood silent in front of the door. She wasn't going to ask him 'what's wrong' and act like she really cared.

Because at the moment she couldn't care less, even if he was her first love.

"You haven't cried yet."

So he was going to ask regardless?

"At the wake, you didn't shed a single tear." His voice did not strain but instead kept its smooth vibration. "Katsuke, you shouldn't keep your emotions hidden, it will make things harder for you."

Cry? Hell, she couldn't remember the last time she cried. Maybe it was the day her father didn't come home, or was it the day she found out the Choshu had taken him hostage for his sword-making skills? Even if she couldn't remember the specific date, she knew that crying was a weakness. She didn't need to cry and she most certainly didn't need to vent her frustrations or emotions. She hadn't cried in the whole time of her living with the Shinsengumi so why start now? She was stronger than that.

"Don't worry about me." She replied without hesitation. "I'll be fine."

She didn't want to spend a second more speaking about it. Things weren't going to get better; things were going to be worse so why talk about it? It wasn't like talking was going to bring _her_ back. Might as well move on with life.

She then continued with her extension of her arm and opened the bedroom door. She stepped out, not saying a word to her superior and shut the door behind herself in silence.

She wasn't ever going to measure up to the goddess that was Ayumu and she wasn't going to try. It was obvious now that being Katsuke Nakamura wasn't going to be enough this time around.

XoXoX

It wasn't long ago when he thought brats couldn't be reformed passed his mind. In fact it was just a few weeks ago but why was his outlook on life now so different. Did the death of his sister make that much of an impact on the men around him? There was no doubt that _he_ loved her but since when had she become so beloved? And more so, why couldn't he appreciate it when she was alive? Not once did he call to her with kindness or open his arms to her and embrace her, how could he have been so cold?

And then that redheaded brat had to come to him in his time of need and make things different. How could one kid make his heart grow soft? Maybe they needed one another more then they would like to admit.

After their encounter on the roof, things didn't feel so heavy. Ugh, the idea of admitting to himself that little twit was worthwhile was something that knotted his stomach. And of course, he would never say it out loud. So they were friends? That was all right just as long as the kid didn't get in his way.

Susumu came around the side of the Shinsengumi house, his hair trailing him much like his scarf. The warmth of the evening air-cooled his all ready sweaty and tense body, he couldn't be feeling lighter all ready, could he? No, he wouldn't feel settled until he met face to face with the man that murdered his sister. Until then he would carry on the way a true Watcher would and then maybe afterward he would live out the rest of his life the way his sister wanted him to.

In the back of the large headquarters, he found himself standing a few feet away from the pigpen. The sound of shuffling and rustling forced his eyebrows to arch. Someone was giving the pigs their dinner this late? Might as well see the face of the person who was doing the job. If he was lucky and if this were a dream, he would see his sister standing in the pen, feeding the hungry gaggle of pigs and piglets. But this was no dream, this was cold reality but his heart could still, secretly, hope.

As he turned the necessary corner until he found himself staring at the person doing their chore. Before him stood a slouched Katsuke Nakamura; she flicked her arm in a rather lethargic manner, spreading out the fed to the small pink mammals. What did this brat have to be saddened or sluggish about? It wasn't as if she had anything important to do, hell, Tetsunosuke completed his works faster and better than she had. She wasn't upset about Ayumu…was she?

"It's a bit late, isn't it?" His voice caused the female to flinch and stand up straight.

Even alerted to the sound of his voice and presence, she did not turn to face him and instead continued to throw out hands full of feed to the livestock. "It's getting done." She said in a tone he hadn't heard from her before.

He glanced away from the female, his eyes narrowing and brows lowering. "If you feed the hogs late, then they won't eat their breakfast."

"I said, its getting done."

Why did she have to argue? She _knew_ it was going to piss him off. Even on a normal day, it would make him angry but today of all days? Why did she have to act up _today_? "Get it done right, or don't do it at all." He snorted.

"Its not like I have a choice in doing it." She responded in a flat tone. "I have to now."

His eyes widened. His then shot his field of vision back in the girl's direction. What was _that_ supposed to mean? What the hell did she think she was implying? This was her damn job and if she had any kind of sense, she'd shut her yap before she said something she was going to regret.

"Don't smartmouth me," He could feel the bitter heat of anger filling his soul. "Don't say somethin' stupid either."

Her hand came to a stop. The final pieces of feed feel from her loose fingers and the small sack she held in her left hand dropped to the ground. Her shoulders appeared to tense as she sunk between them. Now that her hands were free, she clenched them into tight fists.

"Why did she have to leave me with all this work?" She hissed through her teeth. "How am I supposed to do this by myself? Hitomi didn't show up today, you know. I'm not the miracle worker _she_ was."

He felt his teeth grind together in his mouth. What was this stupid, _stupid_ girl saying now? She didn't just insult Ayumu, did she? His sister who died in the most honorable way possible and she was complaining that she was left with the dirty work? It was enough to make him strike her, enough to make him vomit, both of which were a real option. He moved through all the pain he was enduring and stepped closer to her.

"I'm not perfect! She was! I can't do this!" Her pitch heightened.

He stopped mid step. Perfect? Who ever said anything about being perfect? He felt the heat of his anger subside for a brief moment, while the feeling and emotion of confusion splashed over his body. What was this girl saying now? First she was complaining about too much work and now about not being perfect?

She didn't think Ayumu was perfect, did she?

"I'll never live up to her standards," Katsuke's voice took a sudden depth. "You know that, everyone knows that. I can't do this."

So _that_ was the root of it all? His facial features relaxed and the tenseness in his hands and shoulders faded away. Beyond all the cocky confidence, ignorant strength and foolish pride, _this_ was what Katsuke Nakamura was really like? Within the false shell of a 'man' was a little girl? So she _was_ a female after all, with insecurities and fears?

"Why did she have to leave like that?"

The stale air in his lungs finally released in a small, nearly silent sigh. Her question, it was the question that was on his mind non-stop for the past twenty-four hours. How was he supposed to respond to a question when he, himself, did not know the answer? He was far from being God, there was no way he could give an answer that would make any sense.

"Why didn't she believe?" She said, finally turning to him.

His eyes darted to her face to see a set of glossy eyes staring downward. Her brows quivered in fear while her bottom lip trembled beneath the pressure of her emotions. He could see the potential tears that welted in her eyes, threatening to fall at any second. Her face began to grow red, from crying or the lack of tears, he wasn't sure but she was beginning to give in to her feelings.

"I told her," She took in a hitched breath of air, "I told her that if she believed in herself enough, she could do anything. But…she didn't. Why?"

He chewed on the inside of his cheek.

"What was so hard about believing?" She clenched her jaw, her words now coming out as a hiss between her teeth. "I believed in her." He watched as her body began to tense once again, her fists tightening and her shoulders hunched forward. "I believed in her, damn it!" Her chin shot upward and in the heat of her anger she directed her emotions at him. "Why wasn't she strong enough?"

She didn't believe? She wasn't _strong enough_? How _dare_ someone of so little accomplishments and strength say that? How disrespectful could she be to someone who wasn't there to defend herself? Everyone else could remember her in the most positive way except this _nobody_? And still, she continued to stand before him with straight face, glaring at him as if _he_ had killed Ayu with his own hands.

No more.

He released his hand from a fisted position and lifted his arm. With his open palm he brought his hand down in a swatting motion, striking her cheek in the process. The loud slap echoed through the small pigpen, ending any sort of logical conversation they were going to have. With her face forced to her left, she remained silent, even refusing to release a small yelp upon contact. Her dark brown locks draped over her once wide and glazed eyes. He watched as her cheek began to glow with a bright red hue, she still refusing to budge.

"Don't take out your stupid, immature beliefs out on her." He gritted his teeth in an effort to restrain himself further. "She was stronger than you will ever be, you pathetic excuse for a Watcher. You will never replace her."

Silence. Instead of responding in the manner in which he thought she would, Katsuke allowed her head to dip downward, her bangs shadowing even more of her face. He could see that her bottom lip had begun to shudder beyond control by now. Her fists remained clenched while her shoulders finally relaxed. He watched as her chubby cheek swelled ever so slightly. And in the midst of it all, a single stray tear rolled down her red face.

"Don't you think I know that?"

Was she crying because she was struck? Why wasn't she shouting at him in recoil? Fighting back in the way he expected, but instead she stood calm and whispering in a tone that was almost too soft to understand.

"I know that, better than anyone."

Did she?

"It wasn't fair. For someone like her to lose their life, it wasn't fair." More tears began to roll down her face. "Why couldn't my prayers and belief in her be enough? Why didn't she come home safe?"

His jaw relaxed as well as his shoulders. So all the harsh words she said not more then two seconds ago, it was her way of protecting herself from grieving? Again she was trying to be everything she wasn't, she was trying to put up a strong male front when in side she was a broken girl.

She finally pulled her chin up, allowing her bangs to pull away from her eyes. She then locked her large brown eyes with his dark stare. Tears now trickled down her cheeks without any hesitation. Instead of hiding the tears she had tried to choke back she was obviously allowing them to flow for what appeared to be the first time in a long time.

"Did she think about what I told her before she died?" She hiccupped. "How could I say such a thing to her?"

His eyes darted away from her. What was he supposed to say? She knew she was wrong and he knew she was wrong so why throw it back in her face? It wouldn't make things easier and it wouldn't give anyone closure.

"Is it supposed to hurt like this?" Her voice cracked and strained with every word. "How long is it going to hurt? I can't feel this way forever, I can't!"

Yes, it was supposed to hurt like that. And it was going to hurt forever, he knew the answers but why couldn't he bring himself to say it aloud? What was holding him back, it wasn't like she was important to him, right? She was one of the biggest pains in his side and yet, he couldn't say it.

Saying it would make her death real.

He needed to leave. He couldn't deal with this, not here and not now. Reliving her death, the images replaying in his mind, he couldn't do it. She wasn't there when they found her body, she wasn't there to see Ayumu's nude body or the blood that stained the rain soaked streets. How could she know how it hurt? To see someone you love, sprawled out on the ground less than trash. She could never imagine what it was like to see it…and he didn't _want_ her to feel that way.

He turned on his heel and began to step away from the broken girl. She was going to have to deal with her demons on her own. He couldn't help her, no one could. There wasn't anything he could say that would make things easier, things were going to be hard whether anyone wanted to acknowledge it or not. He wasn't God, he couldn't make miracles happen.

Just as he took his third step forward, a warm pressure around his midsection stopped his walk. All of his muscles became stiff and he jerked his chin over his left shoulder. Attached to his torso was a sobbing Page, her eyes shut tight as tears fell from her eyes and onto his clothes. Her nose had begun to water as well, making her face a complete wet mess.

"Stay with me."

Why? Of all people in the Shinsengumi, in the world, why did she want _him_ to stay with _her_? They disliked each other, didn't they? He thought she was the most annoying female he'd come across and she had to think the worst of him, right? Why were things different now?

"I'm sorry!"

He felt his heart slow. Why did things have to be this way? He didn't want her and she didn't want him so why were they embracing? Even more so, why hadn't he shoved her away? When he thought things were going to be different, he wouldn't have imagined that they would be different in _this_ way.

First he was making friends with that bratty redhead and now this? He didn't need this.

Act End.


	16. Act Sixteen

Searching for Paradise

Act Sixteen

Katsuke lifted her basket of clean laundry from the dirt. She released a lengthy sigh as she adjusted to the new weight of the clothing. Things wouldn't be so difficult if her back wasn't so sore! The passed twenty-four hours were killing her! And with the news of movement to Ikeda-ya wasn't making her chores any easier. Now that she was managing the majority of the housework in place of Ayumu, she was briefed on the current state of affairs.

Did it bother her? Scare her? Of course, but no one _else _had to know that. Susumu saw her crying and that by far was enough. In all her time living in the headquarters, she'd never shed a single tear until then. She _had _to cry in front of the one person who hated her more than anyone else. Ugh, it just gave the handsome Watcher more ammo against her if they were to argue again.

Why did she have to act that way in front of him? In her most vulnerable time of need she cried to _him_ and not to Yamanami? She still had lovey-dovey feelings toward her master so why couldn't she go to him with her arms extended and heart open? Hell, she'd rather cry in front of the three idiots rather than Susumu Yamazaki!

"_Stay with me."_

Gah! Why did she have to say that? It could have been _anyone _else!

She shook her head vigorously left and right in her best effort to regain her sanity. After she finished 'refreshing' her mind, she turned her chin toward the sky. Night had begun to roll in and the sky was highlighted with shades of pink and orange. Beautiful. It was nights like this that proved to her that she was lucky to be alive.

_Can you see this from where you are, Ayumu?_

For a brief moment, Katsuke shut her eyes and inhaled a deep breath of air. Fresh and crisp, she could almost taste the scent of flowers on her tongue. The warm wind brushed through her dark brown locks causing the hair along the side of her face to tickle her cheeks. She had to be seeing this…from where ever she was.

"Katsuke!"

She flinched. Nearly dropping her finished load of laundry, she dropped her chin and looked forward to see Souji standing before her. He had a rather relaxed look on his face, seeing as the events currently taking place had almost everyone on their toes. Was he putting on a look of security to ease everyone's nerves? Or was he really not worried about it?

"Oh," She was quick to clear her throat. "I'm sorry, I was…"

"Daydreaming?" He asked with a slight tilt of his head.

She couldn't help but release a small round of nervous chuckles. Ugh, she had to look like a complete nitwit just standing in the yard with her arms clutched to a basket full of clothes. "I guess so!"

She watched as the sword prodigy took a few steps closer to her, a warm smile still stuck to his features. His long, stunning locks floated behind him as he moved forward. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," She managed to cough out an answer while fighting back her embarrassed expression. "I'm just tired, that's all."

He released a small sigh before his lips formed a frown. "I suppose you would be. Picking up where Ayumu left off must be difficult for you." A single thin brow then arched in confusion. "Hasn't Hitomi been around to help? I know she was supposed to be here."

She pouted at the very mention of the redheaded female. So she wasn't the only one to notice that the good-for-nothing brothel worker had been skipping out on her duties at the Shinsengumi? She was conveniently absent the day before and then again today? Hmph, there was no doubt in Katsuke's mind that the little street mouse was having her fun else where.

"I know." She groaned. "I've been working my hands to the bone trying to keep this place going like Ayumu! Just when I needed her help the most, she turns tail and runs!" Katsuke lowered her arms downward and gently released the basket. "That little…ugh!" She then forced her arms over her chest.

"Perhaps something came up?"

"It better have been something _good_." The crossdresser snorted and glared to the left.

The sound of Souji giggling caught her off guard. She stiffened the moment her ears vibrated and turned to the swordsman. She watched as the slender male lifted his right hand to his chin and forced his large eyes shut. He continued to chuckle aloud, as if something was amusing.

Her cheek twitched. "What?"

The soft laughs came to a slow stop and Souji removed his hand from his delicate face. His beautiful eyes reopened and settled on her. She felt a warm blush explode on her cheeks as the captain's warm smile returned with full force.

"Are you worried she found a new love?"

Her jaw dropped. "_What_?"

"Perhaps she found someone else?" His tone sounded _too_ sweet and his smile grew. "After all, she has been rejected by you a number of times."

Katsuke blew the air out of her lungs in the form of a long grunt. She then forced her eyes to the sky and tightened the muscles in her forearms. "No way. She's just slacking off!"

"Hmm…" Souji's angelic voice sent shivers up her spine. "Are you jealous, Katsuke?"

"Jealous?" Her arms dropped from her chest as her eyes refocused on the man before her. "Why would you say something like that? I am _not_ jealous."

The purple-haired male moved his pale arms forward, his hands linking just in front of his body. "Then you're worried?"

Her heart ceased to beat for a moment. "N-no!"

Again her eyes darted away from the skilled man in front of her. She couldn't look at him, not after he asked such a thing! If she looked him in the face there was no doubt that she would blush even further, only leaving him to believe that she was lying. She was not jealous and there was no way she was worried about that rat, Hitomi. She was a pain in the backside; she was more trouble than she was worth! She'd rather die than admit-

"_Because I love you."_

No, there was _no_ way she could be thinking of that moment at _this_ time. Hitomi wasn't worthy of her love; she was a nuisance that hardly earned the right to scrub the dojo floor! That redhead prostitute did not deserve any of the good things in her life, she was a nobody!

With all that thought, why did she miss that strange redheaded beauty?

"Katsuke," Souji's soft tone caused the 'boy' to look in his way once again. This time the taller swordsman had taken a few steps forward until they were just inches apart. With a simple movement, he bent his torso forward and leaned into her ear. "Its okay to admit that you miss her. Even men can indulge in emotions."

She felt her face grow warmer than seconds earlier. What was _that_ supposed to mean? Sure she wasn't a man but that didn't mean she had to admit she _liked_ anyone! She was a woman on the inside but that didn't make her a wimp! She didn't have to admit or confess to _anything_. Katsuke Nakamura did _not_ fall in love that easily! Not even Souji could convince her otherwise.

"I'm not a man." Katsuke whispered in reply.

Souji straightened his back, standing upright. The smile on his face remained even as his right brow arched in the slightest manner. Was he amused, did her blushing expression _amuse_ him? Or maybe it was something else, she could never be sure with the mysterious types. Either way, she didn't need another person to tell her how she felt! She could read her own heart…

…right?

"No matter how you feel, Hijikata is ready to terminate her job." Souji's smile faded as he continued. "You know where she stays, right? I'll put away the last of the clothes if you go and find her."

"Sure." It beat finishing the dirty laundry. "What do you want me to tell her when I find her?"

"Tell her that one more absence and she will not be welcomed here any longer."

She could do that. "Fine." Katsuke nodded a single time before breaking away from the gorgeous man. "I'll be back before bedtime."

She didn't wait for a reply. There was no way she was going to sit around and hear another unneeded comment. Whether he was trying to help her or tease her, she wasn't sure what to do. She didn't need his advice and she certainly didn't need him to taunt her. She could take care of herself; she didn't need a sword prodigy, a broken Watcher or book-loving master. She wasn't always sure of herself, especially not now, but that's all she had.

XoXoX

The cool night wind was enough to make her shiver. The stillness of the empty streets forced goosebumps up her arms. Was the small village always this quiet and soulless at this hour? Everyone had packed their things and huddled inside to sleep away any problems that had come about during the day, and here she was outside in the cold trying to find Hitomi's home.

When she found that crimson-haired good for nothing she was going to give her such hell! Missing two days of work? She might have well missed two years! Not knowing about the tragedy of Ayumu was no excuse; Hitomi knew what she was in for when she applied for the job. There was no way Katsuke was going to let her get away with this one. After this night, it didn't matter if Hitomi missed another day or not, 'he' was not going to save her job again. After this…there was a strong possibility that she would never speak with the former brothel worker again.

Only if she pled and pleaded would they be on speaking terms again. Perhaps a free lunch would seal the deal for them? It wouldn't hurt to try, right?

A round of especially chilly wind shot by the crossdresser's face and in an instant, both arms shot upward and crossed over her nearly flat chest. She held herself for warmth but found little comfort with her dwindling body heat. Ugh, Hitomi had better have some warm tea ready for her to drink when she finally arrived at her doorstep!

Katsuke lifted her chin and glanced at the homes she passed by. She knew that the young working girl had acquired her own home after she had saved enough of the little money she was given at the brothel. It was just enough for the redhead to get by, but it was better then nothing. She had never actually been to the girl's home but through various boring chats, attained an address.

She turned a few corners in complete silence, her mind full of burning questions and future lines she'd throw at Hitomi to make her feel guilty. There was nothing wrong with scripting her own arguments in her head, that's how she always fought! Ah, the things she had learned from Tetsunosuke. She lifted her chin and watched as the houses around her began to deteriorate, turning into small wooden shacks that did not seen fit for living.

_She lives _here_?_

After rounding her last corner, the young Shinsengumi-hopeful found herself standing in front of a small broken down shack. It looked more like a shed as she approached the front door. Her eyes focused in the darkness of the night and soon the front door came into clear view. The large entrance door appeared to have been ripped from its hinges while large puncture marks littered the wood.

Was there a break in? No, no way! If there had been she or someone else in the Shinsengumi would have heard of it! Hitomi had probably locked herself outside then broke her way back in. Right?

The faster she got into this wooden hut and found Hitomi, the better. Then she could blame all of her issues on her and finally go home and get some sleep! Katsuke inhaled a single breath through her nostrils and swallowed the lump of saliva in her mouth before placing her right hand on the broken door. With a small amount of pressure the door fell open to reveal a living area wrecked and torn.

_What… the hell happened here?_

She was met with an odd smell upon first entering the room. She wasn't sure she had ever smelled anything quite like it before but she knew it wasn't normal. Her heart slammed away in her chest as she took one numb step after the other forward. Her feet dragged against the worn floor, her legs lifting every so often to avoid the fallen furniture. The room was a wreck in a way she had never seen before. Thin paper doors slit open by what she could only assume was a knife or sword and personal belongings thrown carelessly against walls and doors.

Katsuke lifted her chin, her eyes moving to the far end of the small house. Was she in the backroom? No, she _was_ in the bedroom, the Page wouldn't not except anything less. Surely the spoiled female would be seated on her futon running an expensive brush through her fine hair, humming a familiar tune. And when she would approach the homeowner to ask what had happened in the house, the redheaded girl would give a stupid yet simple answer.

There was no way anything bad had happened.

There had to be a mistake, perhaps she was in the wrong house? Or maybe Hitomi had taken up sword-wielding while during her absence from the dojo? That had to be it. She wouldn't allow the thought of the young redhead being hurt cross her mind. What could have possibly happened to her? She was no threat to anyone and with that thought in mind, she proceeded forward.

She wasn't sure if her steps had slowed or quickened, all she knew was this moment was happening fast and slow all in the same moment. The strange scent that she first smelled upon entering the shack had begun to grow stronger with each lethargic step.

When she found herself in front of the bedroom door, she extended her right arm outward. She touched the fragile frame of the paper-thin door with the tips of her fingers and slowly pushed the door to the side. After prying open the door a waft of odor slammed her senses. The strong smell forced her chest to tighten while the bile in the back of her throat threatened to come back upward. Her hand detached from the frame and slapped over her lips.

The darkness of the room forced the Page to squint her eyes, all while trying to stop the food from crawling back up her throat. Why did this room _feel_ different? The atmosphere was heavier, the air thicker. What happened here? She took a single step forward only to feel something on her right foot. She glanced down without hesitation to see that she had stepped in something wet. Narrowing her eyes even further, she bent her neck down to clear her vision. She had stepped in something dark, water?

A small glow from the far end of the bedroom caught her glance. She leaned forward and removed her cupped hand from her mouth to see that the light from the moonlight had begun to peer in through the back sliding door. That was it, if she opened the door then she'd be able to see what was in the room!

Before moving an inch she called out, "Hitomi where are you?" Her voice strained while keeping its hush whisper-like tone. "Hitomi?"

Nothing.

She felt her body tense, there was _someone_ in the room, she could _feel_ it. This had to be some kind of sick prank of hide and seek. No doubt Hitomi was hiding in the closet, waiting for the opportunity to jump out and scare her. Right? She'd have to catch her at her own game. So she moved toward the back door.

As her feet carefully crossed the dark room, she could feel her ankles bump against various unknown objects. Every time she'd hit something, she lifted her foot and tried her best to overstep whatever it was on the floor. She moved across the room with little effort and in complete silence, the crack of moonlight shining through the sliding door was just out of reach. She lifted both arms into the air as a nervous sweat trickled down her temple and attempted to feel for the paper door.

She was nearing the door, the fresh nighttime air lingered in the background of her nostrils, she was close. One short, nervous step after the other, she was coming closer to opening the screen and lighting up the dark bedroom. Her heartbeat began to skyrocket as the sound of katydids entered her ears, she knew she was seconds from foiling Hitomi's rotten plan of surprising her. Katsuke allowed her lips to part in the slightest manner, the air from the backyard becoming stronger.

She lifted her right foot and slowly pushed it forward on the anticipation that an open space would allow her to move forward. When her toes hit a solid mass her entire body shifted forward. Her arms shot out to her sides and waved back and forth in a wild attempt to keep her balance. The brunette released a loud squeal of fright as the weight of her body moved to her left leg. Her opposite leg swung out only to be met with the same heavy bulk. She could not retain her weight any longer and the heaviness of her torso shot forward.

As she fell, her knees buckled over the large object she had tripped on. Her trunk hit the hard floor with a loud thud. Her arms landed on either side of her head, fingers falling into a pool of semi-warm liquid. She had turned her head to the right, allowing her cheek to splash against what she believed to be water.

Katsuke groaned and pulled her tired body over what she had toppled over, her fingers stretching outward until they scrapped against the wooden frame of the door. A small grunt passed through her lips as she jerked her index and middle finger against the door. The force she used on the wood was enough to crack it open and the moonlight poured into the once dark room. Encouraged by her first successful attempt, the nerve-racked female pushed again and forced the door wide open.

Now to see what she fell over then sabotage Hitomi's childish plans.

Katsuke placed both open palms on the wet ground and with a simple twist of her neck looked back to what she had fallen over. A pair of pale legs laid beneath her own tangled ones. Her confused stare raced up the foreign body until she was met with a pair of color-drained eyes.

The girl scrambled until she was on her belly, and pulled her own body off of the limp, lifeless torso. Sitting up on her backside, she scooted backward until her back met the solid wall of the room. She could feel her heart begin as if it were going to pop right out of her chest, her sweat pour down the back of her neck and her limps trembling beyond control.

What the _hell_ was this? _Who _the hell was that?

With the help of the flooding moonlight, Katsuke's eyes scanned the body on the floor. A mass of twisted, knotted red hair sprawled across the floor and covered most of the facial features of the dead woman before her. All the Page could see where a pair of pale, cold blue eyes, staring at her. They appeared to be dilated with eyelids that laid heavily over the once vibrant stare she had seen only forty-eight hours ago.

"H-Hitomi?" She gasped for air, her lungs collapsing against the shock.

No, no! This couldn't be Hitomi, not the same Hitomi she had seen a few days ago, the same girl who lovingly sewed together her ripped clothing. This wasn't her, there was no way she could be...gone...

The moisture on her hands and yukata made the living female twitch. She tore her eyes away from the body and glanced down to her open palms. Soaked in coagulated blood, her fingers attempted to stick together as her hand opened. Her jaw began to tremble as she glanced down to her chest. Chunks of blood stuck the cloth wrapped around her chest, the mildly warm liquid easily being sopped up.

Katsuke released a high-pitched scream before pushing her own arms away from her chest. In her haste, she rubbed her hands on the floor then on her pants. No, this wasn't blood...this wasn't _Hitomi's_ blood. This was a joke, a cruel, cruel joke of some sort. Where the three jokers behind this? They had to have been!

Her vision bounced back to the body. Moving passed the blank, dead stare of the female, the Page's eyes landed on a large gaping wound across her neck. A large fatal slit had come across it, allowing all of her blood to pool in the middle of the room. Even in the dim light of the moon, she could see the torn flesh and redness of her throat muscles.

Who did this?

Her blood had leaked down the remainder of her body, drenching her outfit in thick crimson 'water'. Her hands had grown stiff in the position she had been left in and her legs appeared to hang from her waist as if they were ever able to move. She was dressed in evening wear, still wearing a pair of now red socks. She had remained clothed...did that mean she wasn't raped?

No, she couldn't, _wouldn't _think of that. This wasn't Hitomi, it couldn't be! Girls like Hitomi didn't _die_. They were immortal, weren't they? Living out a full life filled with love and harmony. She haven't even turned eighteen yet, hadn't _really _fallen in love or even had any children. There was no way that this dead body, this shell of a human could have once been the beautiful Hitomi.

There was so much blood...on the floors, walls and even ceiling. Could a person really bleed this much? Did dead people really _smell_ like that? The strange odor of copper, was that the scent of blood?

She had never seen a deceased person before, never smelled one before now. Was this how it felt to actually see someone lifeless on the floor? Body pale, cold and limp? Was the air always this heavy when seated only feet away from a person who used to be? No, she couldn't be dead, no way. She had to get up, she had to move. She was _alive_.

A stray trail of tear shot down her round, red cheek. Was she crying? When had she started crying? Her lips grew dry as she inhaled through a open mouth, her jaw loose and quivering the entire time. Her eyes burned in a manner she had never felt before, harder than ever before. The sweat from her face began to drip off her chin, landing in any direction due to her body's convulsions. The urge to vomit washed over her body and yet nothing came.

What seemed like an ocean of blood continued for what appeared like forever. How much blood could the human body hold? She refused to believe all of it was hers. Had the attacker cut himself in the process of taking Hitomi's life? The flow of plasma had moved across the room until it came to a small puddle against the west side wall. Brown eyes traveled up until they read a message written above in the victim's blood.

_'Nibu bitch. Rot in hell.'_

Gathering what strength she had, Katsuke lifted her shivering body and stood on her feet. One slow step after the other, she drew closer to the fallen girl. Once close enough, she knelt down on both knees and moved her arms outward. Her shaking fingers reached out to the cold body, just hovering above the girl she once knew. The Page hesitated for a moment, her mind overloading with thoughts and memories of the former brothel worker.

"_Katsuke, I wanted to let you know, that I really do care for you."_

No.

"_But _I_ need you."_

This was a dream...

"_Because I love you."_

Hitomi's sweet voice echoed in her mind. It was a voice that no one would ever hear again. It was something only recorded in memory, she'd never be able to recreate or play it in real time again. Her voice, touch, kindness, just like 'that' it was gone. Why?

Katsuke pushed through her childish fears and allowed her fingertips to touch the young woman's cold features. With a single movement, the brunette forced the red strands of hair out of Hitomi's face. As the hair was moved out of the way of her face and shifted on her skull, the extent of her beating became clear. Lips busted open, nose shoved to the right all while dry blood crusted around her nostrils and mouth. Most noticeable of all were the chunks of hair that had been pulled from her scalp. Large bald patches littered her head and became the motivation for Katsuke to look around the body for the missing locks. All around her being were scattered pieces of hair, thrown every which way as if it was nothing more than garbage.

Who could have...

"_Just call me Tora."_

"_You better not be lyin' to me, I'll be keepin' my eye on you."_

No. Why would he?

"_What's your name anyway?"_

"_It's Hitomi…" _

No...no! It couldn't be because of _that. _This couldn't be _her_ fault, it couldn't! This, the reason she was slaughtered like a pig, it was her fault? No, she couldn't accept it, she wouldn't. Tora mistook the fake Hitomi for the real one and took her life as if she were nothing. As if she had committed some kind of crime against society when beneath it all..

It was really Katsuke Nakamura.

The former spy removed her hands from the strands of red hair and scooped the deceased woman into her arms. The limpness of younger girl's arms forced more tears to fall from the older female's swollen eyes. She lifted the redhead to her chest and squeezed. This would be their last embrace after this moment there would be no more awkward, unwanted hugs. No more confessions of unrequited love. No more warm kindness. Just silence.

Tears flowed from her like never before. She refused to contain her emotions, it didn't matter if she was male, female or something in-between. At that moment she was just herself. Not a Page, Watcher or housekeeper; just small, frightened, fifteen year old Katsuke Nakamura. Just one female clenching to another fallen woman, an embrace that she would never again feel. Her heartbeat soared as her muscles tightened around Hitomi. This was real, there was no going back, this was _their_ reality. And it was _her_ fault. The brunette moved her neck back and parted her lips. Without any concept of neighbors or silence, she released the loudest scream her lungs could produce.

And after that there was nothing.

Act End.


	17. Act Seventeen

Searching for Paradise

Act Seventeen

Her next plan of action was simple; she knew exactly what she needed to do now. From this moment on she was no longer just Katsuke Nakamura. She was someone else, someone she wasn't sure the old Katsuke would like. Anger, sadness and guilt rattled her mind in a way she had never experienced before. Life was never going to be the same again; the new Nakamura knew that, no doubt. Someone had died because of _her_, someone completely innocent, someone whose only crime was loving the wrong person at the wrong time.

Add to the fact that she had been lying to Hitomi since the beginning, she was not the 'man' the former brothel worker wanted. No, she was a stupid, immature _woman_. But not anymore.

Katsuke approached the Shinsengumi headquarters in absolute silence. Her arms gripped tight across her chest, the howling wind sending shivers down her blood-soaked body. She wasn't sure what time of night it was or how long she'd been gone and she didn't care. Nothing mattered any more, the only thought that passed through her was pure rage. She was going to get that man, that son of a bitch, Tora…if it were the last thing she ever did.

And she wasn't going to wait another moment.

Her legs were numb as she carried along but she walked through the aching pain. Her muscles tired from trembling, she could hardly hold on to her upper arms. Seeing Hitomi sprawled across the floor was a memory that would never leave her, the smell of her blood forever etched in her senses. She had only just left the house and all ready she wanted to forget everything. Why did things have to be like this?

Only if she had never come to the Shinsengumi in the first place, only if she had taken her father's kidnapping like any other girl her age and waited for word from _anyone_, this wouldn't have happened. Hitomi wouldn't be dead. Nothing was right; noting was sane anymore and for what?

Did she really _need_ to join the Shinsengumi to save her father or was it really to save herself? All this time, it wasn't for the safety and protection of her dad, it was for her own all ready swollen pride. She needed gratification from someone, _anyone_ and without her father at home, she had no one else to turn to.

And because she needed to hear praise from everyone else, she ended up ending someone else's life. What kind of person did that make her? It made her just as guilty as the murderer, she was no better than Tora. It might as well been her who cut her way into Hitomi's home and ran the blade over her throat. In some ways…she was _worse_ than the man who had killed the redhead. After all, it was Katsuke Nakamura who had taken Hitomi's identity.

She could see the headquarters in the near distance but her heart did not race as it usually would. Instead, her heart sank deeper into her chest cavity and her eyes burned almost beyond the point of sight. Because once she did enter her home she would have to explain the blood on her face and body then…she'd have to inform everyone that Hitomi was dead.

And when they asked 'why'? What was she supposed to say?

Was this what it felt like to kill someone? Is this what every man went through when he took someone's life? Souji, Saitou, Sanosuke, Shinpachi and even Heisuke, did they go through this when they first killed? This was the Shinsengumi after all; death was a part of that lifestyle. But how could they still manage to get through everyday life after experiencing something so disturbing?

As she neared her home, she glanced up to see two bodies standing at the entrance of the main gate. For a brief moment she narrowed her vision but could still not make out a face. Someone was waiting for her, had she really taken that long after finding Hitomi? To her it felt as if it had been years, in what were probably hours she must have aged an entire decade. No longer was she the young woman she was yesterday. She had seen wonderful life end in a manner that no one should see. And it was all her fault.

How long had she walked around in life parading as if everything was nothing more than a child's game? She had spent fifteen years acting as if she knew everything, as if she was good at everything. Her confidence had lied to her. She wasn't a noble man or even an established woman, she was nothing much than a little girl, lost and cocky. Because she had acted this way in the time she had spent living with the Shinsengumi did that mean she had insulted everyone she met? Was that the reason everyone hated or teased her?

"Katsuke!"

That was Souji. Her ears vibrated to the sound of his voice but she refused to look up. The sound of running footsteps came next but still, she did not look up. Instead she clung to herself, her mind flooded with the thoughts and memory of what she had seen. The footsteps came to a halt about two feet before her and only then did she perk up, her chin lifting high enough to see Souji's face. His large eyes were glazed over with worry while his brows dipped upside down. A firm frown laid over his lips and his hands extended outward, toward her.

"Katsuke?"

She allowed her eyes to bounce away from the prodigy swordsman, looking beyond his shoulder to see Heisuke. The shorter male stood with the same distressed look, the only exception being that his mouth hung open in shock. She couldn't look at them, not when they appeared worried for _her._ If they knew the real truth, they would never feel pity for her ever again. How could she accept their kindness when she had been so wrong?

"What happened, Katsuke?" Souji's voice struck a heartstring, her eyes swelling with tears.

She gazed down to the blood that stained her body and bit her lip. Her right hand then lifted to her cheek and she stroked the skin that was drenched in blood that was once wet to the touch. It had long dried by now and stuck to her skin like some kind of glue. Her fingertips traced over her soft face, nails dragging over the peeling and chipping blood. How was she supposed to answer? After she told them the truth, they would never speak to her again. So why bother?

Because if she didn't tell the truth it would shame Hitomi's name.

"There…" She began her voice hoarse from her pervious screams of agony. "Hitomi…"

Before she could utter another word, her numb legs gave way beneath her. Her knees dropped to the floor with a near silent 'thud'. Her free hand lifted up and attached to the other side of her face. The tips of her fingers touched the top of her forehead and clenched to the roots of her brown hair. Just when she thought she couldn't produce any more tears, water fell from her eyes.

The sound of earth crunching in front of her caused her to gasp for air. "What happened?" A pair of hands reached out to her and latched onto her wrists. "Where is Hitomi?" Souji asked.

"She's dead."

For a moment the pressure on her wrists subsided. She said it loud and clear, the fact that Souji had released her momentarily was proof of that. And even in their moment of shock, no one uttered a word. No doubt they were just as shocked as she was when she found the girl dead on the floor. But what would they do next? Would they ask who and why? And if that happened, what would she say in response?

How could she tell everyone that Hitomi's death was actually _her_ fault?

"Where is she?" Souji tightened his hold on Katsuke.

She managed to pull her wet, clammy hands away from her tear-soaked eyes and met the unit captain's gaze. His eyes had become serious in a manner she had never seen. As if he were a different person entirely, he narrowed his stare while his brows hung heavy over his lashes. His frown only grew from moments before, becoming more define. After a second of silence, he released her arms and fisted his hands.

"She's in her house on the other side of town." Katsuke gulped a large lump of saliva that had rested in her mouth. "She…"

"Shh."

"It's all my fault!" She couldn't take it anymore. Her hands flew to the top of her head and clasped handful of brown hair. She began to tug at the roots as more tears flew from her tired eyes. "She's dead and it's all my fault! My fault!"

Instead of responding to her cries, Souji turned his chin over his left shoulder. "Heisuke gather Sanosuke and Shinpachi as well as your units. We're going to find Hitomi."

Not wasting a second, she watched between her blurred vision as Heisuke nodded his head. "Yes." He then turned on his heel and fled the area.

"Katsuke," The older male turned his attention back to the sobbing female. "Go back inside and get changed. We'll take care of things from here and in the morning, you can tell us exactly what happened."

How could he be so kind after this? How could he worry about her when Hitomi was dead? She didn't deserve sleep, food or even a change of clothes. She was a murderer; she deserved nothing more than death. Her life was over from this point out; she might as well fall to sleep forever right where she sat. What was the point of going on after this?

Her eyes narrowed, forcing more tears to fall from her tear ducts. Her heart didn't _want_ life to end here. No, after all she'd been through, why did things have to end now? She tried to be an honest 'man' and serve her country and _this_ happens? She didn't want this to happen, she didn't mean for it to happen, how could things sour so quickly?

_I'm sorry…I'm so sorry._

She didn't have a family but she was still taken care of. She didn't have any friends but she still laughed. She didn't have a lover but she still loved. What did that all mean? In a life without friends, family or a partner, how could she still feel the desire to live? After everything was said and done she had nothing to lose and yet…why did she earn to carry on? Life had thrown her obstacles and so far she had come out all right, but now? She couldn't dig herself out of the mud this time around. This was where her life ended.

"I'm going with them, I'll be back." Souji lifted himself from the floor.

He left without a good bye. Did every soldier leave without saying good bye? Was that some kind of bad luck, a secret law that no man uttered before a departure? Did that mean that her life was no done with? That would be the last person to ever see her alive, her final words, she couldn't remember them but she was sure Souji would recall them later. She didn't need to say her good byes, she wouldn't be missed.

After all, she didn't miss herself.

There was one last thing to do. She had all ready taken an innocent life, there was nothing stopping her from taking one last life. There was a heavy doubt that she would die in the process but that was fine. If they both were killed during their final battle then at least she succeeded in _something_.

XoXoX

Cleaning up after cutting that stupid woman was almost more hassle then it was worth. But in the end, he had made the right decision, after all his likelihood was at stake. Working under Yoshino was hard enough; he didn't need the excess stress of a hooker spy watching him. Things needed to be taken care of and that's exactly what he did. And five hours after he had taken the young board's life, he was still soaking his clothes to rid them of the crimson stain.

Tora moved about his home with ease. He had eaten until he was full, bathed himself and now it was time for some well-earned rest. Damn bitch was feisty; it had taken more out of him than he thought. She fought back with the little skills she had but holding her down by himself took some strength. But the hardest part? Trying to get her to confess to her misdeeds as a brothel worker; no matter what information he threw at her, she never admitted to seeing him that day at the restaurant.

It was only by sheer luck that one of his men found out that she had been working at the Shinsengumi headquarters as a maid and no doubt spy.

She had even dyed her locks red to hide that disgusting brown rat's nest she called hair. Because no matter how much hair he ripped from her skull, he never found one inch of brown strands. That was proof that she was hiding something. He did the Choshu justice in getting rid of that nescience; after all it would be _his_ ass on the line if she had ratted him out to Toshizo Hijikata.

He had a life to carry on, no matter what little bitch got in his way. He had his own debts to repay and no one was going to get in his way.

He sat on the floor pipe in hand and took a long drag. Ah, this was the right way to end the day; he needed a smoke after all that had transpired. Hell, after this he was going straight to bed, it didn't matter if there were dishes to do or not! No one could ask for better relaxation than on a night as still as this one.

A sudden tapping noise on his door caused him to break from his inner monologue however. Who the hell could be up at this hour? With a grunt and sigh, he placed his beloved pipe on the ground and pushed himself up straight. He took a short second to dust himself off before stepping toward the large double-door entrance. At this time of night, there better had been a good, a damn good, reason for getting him up.

Before he could blink twice, he found himself in front of the front door. He extended both arms out until the tips of his fingers touched the locked latch. With a simple flick of the wrist, the door unlocked.

_Knock, knock_

A second round of banging? "Just a minute!" He shouted in response. "Damn…"

Removing his hand from the latch, Tora moved his fingers down to the handles on the door. He took in a deep breath before he allowed his arms to swing open the double gate. A gust of nighttime wind washed over his body, sending shivers down his spine. The shadow in his doorway hid the person's face and for a moment he squinted his eyes in order to clear his vision. It appeared to be male, standing just as high as his upper chest with hair pinned back in a ponytail. Who the hell?

"What the hell do you want?" He spat.

The weapon specialist moved aside, to allow the stranger to come into what little candle light his home held. As he predicted, the male inched closer, his features becoming highlighted by the dim flame. A younger boy, mid to late teens, stood in front of him with brown hair and brown eyes. Had he seen this guy somewhere before?

"You killed her…"

A single black brow lifted. His eyes then moved to the young man's right arm. It had begun to move forward, into sight, and appeared to be grasping to an object. In the moonshine that poured in through the frame of the door, the ray of light bounced off a sword's blade.

"You monster…"

As the male stepped deeper into Tora's home, the crimson stains on his clothing appeared. His eyes were puffed and red from what he assumed was a heavy round of crying.

So one of that whore's costumers had found his way to his him, had they? No doubt the tiny, pathetic idiot at his doorstep wanted some kind of revenge? He nearly broke out into laughter as he watched the bottom lip on the young man quiver. _This _child actually thought he stood a chance against a veteran like _him_? While it would be a rather large waste of his time, why not amuse the boy? After all taking a life in self-defense was not against the law.

But how in the world did a squirt this find him in his home?

"What do you want, kid?" Tora turned his back to the stranger and took a few steps deeper into his home. "I got to get some shut eye, let's make this thing quick."

"I'll…" The male's voice cracked. "I'll make you pay!"

This time around he could not contain his chuckles. Bending down momentarily, he plucked his sword up right from against the wall. He inhaled through his nose and unsheathed his blade from its protector.

"Go for it, kid." He wasn't going to play, why waste time with formalities? "As your senior I'll be kind and let you throw the first punch."

The boy lifted both arms and stiffened in stance. His sword lifted to chest-level as a threatening glance was tossed across the room. So he _was _serious? Hm, this would be entertaining no matter how it turned out. If he ended up killing this kid, it wouldn't matter, it wasn't the first time he'd finish a challenge first proposed to him.

"I'm ready when you are." Tora couldn't help but allow a smirk to form on his lips.

A tear drop of sweat moved down the boy's pale face. His brows darted down over his eyes and his grip tightened around his sword. His legs parted in the slightest manner, preparing for the first blow. He was an amateur for sure, this wouldn't take long. Tora listened as he exhaled; the wind from his lungs moving passed his dry mouth causing the older male to brace his body for the child's next move.

With speed quicker than he anticipated, the stranger lifted his sorry excuse for a blade into the air and made dash forward. He lifted his sword well-above his head, preparing to make an obvious slash attack. Tora mentally counted the seconds before the knife came down and by the fourth second, his body moved as if it were a reflex. A quick step to the left caused the boy to fly forward, missing him. Tora's arm shot outward just as the intruder passed by and grabbed a fist full of brown hair. The older male made a whipping gesture with his arm and sent the child flying against the back wall.

"Are we done yet?" Tora spoke as the brown-haired male hit the floor. "I'm tired enough as it is."

Knees on the floor and head tilted downward, the boy's shoulders shook and quivered. Was he scared, crying or mad? It was too hard to tell. He watched as the stranger's hand clenched the rock on the dirt floor. Before the skilled swordsman could speak any further, the inexperienced kid turned his head over his small shoulder. And their eyes met.

Brown met pale blue. But what about those angry eyes seemed and looked so familiar? The round, large shape and deep hues of cocoa, he had seen it somewhere before, but where? No doubt he would remember the bitter stare this kid was giving him; perhaps he had seen those eyes only when they were not angry?

In any event the stare of that child, it made the hairs on his neck and arms stand up straight.

XoXoX

Her eyes were burning again and yet no tears came out. Had she become so dehydrated from sweating and crying that she couldn't produce tears anymore? Or had she become so angry that the sorrow took a break. It didn't matter, he, she, or both of them were going to die tonight, there was no more need to cry. She wasn't going to live, she knew that for sure but she wasn't going to give Tora the gratitude of seeing her cry in her final moments.

It wouldn't be fair to Hitomi.

Inhaling a short breath, Katsuke lifted herself from the dirt. Shaking off the dizziness from the fall, she staggered to stand up right. After a moment of adjusting herself, she lifted her chin up high and gripped her fingers around the handle of her blade.

"You that upset over that whore?"

Her heart felt as if it had cracked.

He stood before her with a smug look on his face. "She wasn't what she seemed. Don't worry, I did you a favor."

More sweat gathered on her brow, regardless if she was hydrated or not. Her lips grew dry and her legs began to tremble. Was she scared? Without a doubt but this needed to happen. Even if she hadn't come to terms with her own mortality, there was no time left. If she was going to die here and now then Tora was going to know her name, her family's name. He was going to learn that he had killed the wrong woman and with hope, feel remorse for the remainder of his life. It was the last bit of strength she had.

"I'm Katsuke Nakamura." She inhaled through her nose.

The smug, cocky look on his face vanished in an instant. A frown appeared almost instantly and his muscles seemed to relax. "Nakamura?"

She remained silent.

"The same Nakamura family who produces swords for the Choshu?"

She felt her own muscles begin to grow weak. Wait, so he knew about her family as well? Did he know about her father and what happened to him? She cleared her mind for the time being and nodded her head a single time in response.

"You're the son of that pathetic blacksmith?" The smirk returned to his features. "Ha, no wonder. Now that I know who you are, it makes sense. So," He took a moment to stretch his arms and straighten out his back. "Are you here to avenge your father or whore?"

Katsuke felt her heart cease to beat. What was _that_ supposed to mean? Since when was her father involved in any of this? She hadn't mentioned her dad's disappearance to anyone except for the three captains of the Shinsengumi. Not even the three jokers knew anything about her past.

"What are you talking about?" She hissed through her teeth. "Where is my dad?"

Tora snickered beneath his breath. He shut his eyes and began to shake his head from side to side, as if she were stupid. "That pathetic father of yours had many gambling debts; he had to pay it off _somehow_."

Her stomach knotted and her blood froze over. Her hands grew limp, right palm opening and dropping her sword to the floor. The echoing _clank _vibrated through the paper-thin walls. She could feel her jaw drop open while her brows touched the top of her forehead. What was she hearing?

"He was useful, while it lasted."

A stray tear trickled down her face. Just when she thought she was through with sobbing, when she was done with having emotions, _this_. Her head tipped downward, her brown strands of hair shadowing her crying eyes.

"And that bitch?" His voice once again hit the air. "She was easy to take care of. She fought a bit but nothing I couldn't handle."

"You got the wrong girl." She grunted between tears.

"What?"

She lifted her chin and allowed her eyes to meet his once again. She inhaled once more and exhaled in near silence. The numbness in her arm did not subside even as she lifted it into the air. Her fingers extended outward while her arm lifted higher and higher. She moved her hand toward her head, allowing her fingertips to touch the tie in her hair. She pulled with little effort until the tie became undone. Sweat-soaked hair fell from the air and landed on her tired shoulders. She then pulled back her shoulders and opened her chest.

"I'm the Watcher named Hitomi."

Tora's jaw dropped and his eyes widened.

"I'm the one with the brown eyes. The girl you killed, her eyes were blue." She spoke as tears continued to fall from her swollen eyes.

"_What beautiful brown eyes you have."_

So he hadn't noticed. The darkness of the shack must have hidden Hitomi's true eye color from him. Even as he sat over her, punching her and slapping her, he did not see her beautiful blue eyes. As she cried, pleaded and screamed, he did not see them.

"You bitch."

And just like that her heart rate skyrocketed. The look of pure rage on his face, the hate in his eyes, it was almost more then she could bear. She had seen Hijikata irritated, Susumu angry but never had she seen such malice expressed on someone's features. He wanted to kill her; she could see that but was she ready for it? She was going to die but would she die with dignity?

_Please, let someone remember me._

The sound of shifting clothes focused her attention once again. If she was going to die, she would at least _try_ to defend herself. She bent over in haste and picked her weapon off the ground. She then readjusted her vision toward the male before her, only to see him in a defensive stance. He wanted her to make the first move? Fine.

She lifted her blade and spread her legs apart. She took in one final breath before striking. Her body flew forward in what seemed to be slow motion. Her hands held to shoulder-length she dashed across the floor in silence. As she inched closer to her offender, she exhaled. This was it, her last moments, her last thoughts, her last breaths; this was how it felt.

She brought her blade downward in a slashing motion inches from Tora's right shoulder. Just before her knife made contact with his skin, the older male darted off to the side. He dodged her final attack with little effort and as she fell forward a sharp pain in her gut made her freeze. As he moved to the side, he had drawn his sword across her lower torso. In that brief moment her limbs went numb and heavy, she dropped to the floor as if she had all ready left her body.

After hitting the could earth her arms regained some control and in response to the pain latched onto her wound. She heard a loud feminine scream tear through the air and only when she felt the air reenter her lungs did she realize it was her voice. Every breath afterword felt shallow, as if her lungs couldn't expand to their full extent while a warm liquid began to slip between her fingers. Was that her blood? Was she bleeding?

_I'm dying._

Again she felt the familiar sensation of tears falling from her eyes. These would be her last cries, her last gasps for air. How could she cry here and now? Not in front of this monster, not like this. She couldn't show him that she was really scared but it was too late now. She was going to die alone and scared, like a dog. Was this how Ayumu felt before she passed away?

"_If you believe hard enough, you can do anything."_

All of her father's teachings, they were wrong? She believed, oh how she believed with all of her heart. Why hadn't her wishes come true? She had done all the believing in the world and still, she wasn't able to do _everything_. When did hope become a lie? It wasn't supposed to happen this way, the bad guy wasn't supposed to win.

Maybe after all of this, it proved that _she_ was actually the bad guy.

She did not have the will to live…obviously.

Her body became weaker by the second. It felt as if at any moment her body would lift up and float away, her legs becoming so numb she questioned if they were still there. The trembles of her fingers came to a slow stop and her eyelids grew heavy. Her lungs felt like it was on the verge of collapse, each breath becoming harder to inhale. Is this what death felt like? Was it always this scary?

It was a kind of darkness that she had never seen before. So endless and blacker than any shade of black ink she had ever seen written with. After this, what would come next? Was there an afterlife, would she go to heaven? Would she see Hitomi again?

_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry._

Would anyone in the Shinsengumi miss her? Sanosuke, Shinpachi or Heisuke? That puppy of a Page, Tetsunosuke? And what would her master do when they found her body in the street, would they have a wake like they had with Ayumu? No, she didn't deserve that, she did not earn the same rights as someone like Ayumu. She had fought and died for the Shinsengumi and Katsuke Nakamura? Katsuke Nakamura had gotten someone else _killed_. Mistaken identity, so simple and yet it ended Hitomi's light.

The world around her faded, noises around her muting while her eyes glazed over with darkness, this was it.

Act End.


	18. Act Eighteen

Searching for Paradise

Act Eighteen

She could feel the sweat on her face, hovering just above her brow line. Her lips felt dry as well as her mouth, was she dehydrated? Could a person still feel sweat and dehydration when they were dead? Then again, if she were in hell, she would be able to feel all sort of pain; or so she was taught as a child. So she was in hell after all, what did she expect? She was a murderer, she deserved to burn. But did that mean that she wouldn't see Hitomi or even her father? She needed to see Hitomi, one last time and tell her how sorry she was. How wrong she was.

There was nothing but darkness around her, was hell supposed to be dark? A searing, burning pain in what she assumed was her lower torso made her groan. She could hear the notes leave her lips, so maybe there was more to hell then just blackness? In response to the pain, Katsuke lifted her arm into the air and spread her fingers apart. A cool wind passed through her sweat drenched hands and sent shivers down her spine.

As she extended her arm a pinching, sharp ache again hit her lower belly. She hissed, her arm immediately drawn to the source of pain. She could feel the sensation of woven clothes over the wound and as her fingers searched through the layers of cloth, the pain increased. Her fingers slipped between a pocket of her yukata and she traced her nails against the sensitive skin there. Drawing lower and lower the itching, burning sting found her fingertips. With a mild amount of pressure, she traced her hand along the site of discomfort, only to be bitten back with stabbing ache.

In reflex her body shot upward and her eyes snapped open. The sudden jump and twist of her torso sent more shooting pain throughout her body and caused her to further squeal out. Tears flew from her tear ducts before she could attempt to withhold them. Her vision failed her as the tears welted up. As her right hand remained on her belly, her left hand lifted to her eyes. With a single wiping motion, she removed as much moisture from her face as possible. One tried, trembling exhale later, she refocused her vision on her current surroundings.

She had been placed on a rather large futon in the middle of an empty room. No windows, no small table, nothing. A dim flame from a nearby candle flickered in the darkness and casted a massive shadow on the wall in front of her. Where the hell was she?

The sting from her wound again caused her to flinch. She released a small whimper before moving both hands to her all ready open yukata. She parted the cloth further, exposing her nude chest to the chilly air of the room. The index finger of her right hand traced the invisible line from her bosom to her bellybutton. Her eyes scanned her pale body until they landed on a large slit that came across her lower torso.

Red and swollen she gazed at the black string that had stitched her back together. Did this mean she was alive? That someone had come to her aid and took her back to the Shinsengumi headquarters? Maybe Tora spared her and dropped her at the HQ doorstep or maybe…

Oh she wasn't sure anymore.

So she had lived through that experience with Tora that meant that she even failed at trying to die. Couldn't she even die right? It didn't take extreme talent or skill to die and she still failed. What kind of person was she; she did not deserve any pity. She did not deserve life.

A drop of water to the topside of her palm drew her attention. She watched as a second droplet hit the back of her hand and only then did she realize that the water had come from her weeping eyes. She lifted her hand to her lashes and felt as more tears built up, waiting for release. She had cried more in the last two days then she had in _years_. She promised herself that she wouldn't cry, no one would see her cry, she didn't need emotions.

She needed to be strong…like Susumu.

Susumu…why did he enter her mind now? After all that had happened, _he_ was her first thought? Dare she hope and secretly pray that _he_ was the one that saved her? What would he say, think, about what happened? She wasn't sure if he'd be cold or kind, there was never a define answer to predict from him. Oh but how she wanted him to answer her calls, even if he was a jerk.

A small creaking sound caught her off guard. She slowly lifted her chin and drew her attention to the bedroom door. The wooden frame vibrated and slowly it slid open. A dark silhouette in the doorway slowed her heartbeat. Who was it?

It couldn't be Tora, could it?

And just like that her heart flew into a round of fast beats. As her chest pounded away, more sweat grew on her face and the tears flew from her large, tired eyes. She felt her breathing pick up in pace and her hands clenched to the thin bed sheets. Had he come back of her? Maybe in reality he had kept her as some kind of slave of war, maybe she wasn't really in the safe haven of her home in the Shinsengumi.

The figure moved deeper into the room without a word. She waited in a horrified silence, yearning to see a familiar face. It could be anyone, even Hijikata, just as long as she knew she was safe. She was far too tired to fight back if it were the swords specialist; she was a goner for sure. Her lungs burned from the rapid, shallow breaths and if she was all ready too tired to even breathe…how was she supposed to defend herself?

The dim glow from the candlelight highlighted the features of the male as he approached her bedside. Tall and slender with long, dark locks that danced in the cool wind, she knew this face.

"Katsuke?" Souji spoke.

Her bottom lip poked out while her brows furrowed. Tears exploded from her eyes and a wild yelp ripped through her throat. She tried with all her might to lift her aching body from the futon but was only met with a heaviness in her limps she could not describe. Her heart just about thumped right out of her chest as her blurred vision lost sight of the familiar face.

Upon seeing her struggle, Souji dashed forward. What appeared to be a damp cloth in one hand dropped to the end of the bed and he extended both hands to her shoulders. He applied a gentle pressure to her body, a silent demand to keep still.

"Souji!" She screamed with all of her remaining strength.

"Shh," He hushed her, keeping his determined stare locked with her. "Don't move."

After a moment, the swordsman removed his right hand from her shoulder. He then extended his index and middle fingers toward her forehead. With a soft touch he pushed the sweat-soaked hair away from her face. He then proceeded to cup her red cheek and break into a small smile. His warm features, his smooth voice, it was too much. Her arms shot out toward the prodigy and grasped him. Weak arms curled around his back, drawing him in close for an embrace she hadn't felt in what seemed like decades.

"I'm so sorry, Souji!" Her breath hitched while her nose buried itself in his soft shoulder.

After a short moment the older male complimented the sobbing female and wrapped his arms loosely around her back. His hand lifted from her body and touched the back of her head. With a gentle pressure, he stroked her brown locks. How long had she gone without wearing her hair up in a ponytail?

How long had she been here, like this, _period_?

"Try not to move," He hummed in her ear. "You have stitches."

And just like that, he pulled himself out of her arms. He stood up straight and turned his attention the end of the futon. He plucked the cloth he'd come in with and returned to her. He then began to dab her face with the wet towel, wiping away any sticking or lingering sweat. He ran the moist fabric just along her hairline, cooling down her overheated body.

"Sit back," He commanded with a smile. "Relax."

Relax? How could she relax, after everything that had happened? Didn't he know the truth; didn't he know that she had _killed_ Hitomi? That she was no better than the Choshu he and everyone fought so hard against? She was a monster, it was obvious he didn't know the truth; otherwise he wouldn't be so kind to her.

Just when she thought her ducts were dry, more tears fell from her lashes. Her hands attached to her face and she whimpered. She didn't deserve this, she should be dead. Why did anyone spare someone like _her_, why did God take pity on _her_ and not Hitomi? What made her so special that she dodged death while that beautiful redhead laid sprawled across the floor?

"This it's all my fault…" She muttered between gasps and sobs. "I killed her!"

The sensation of two hands on her wrists took her by surprise. Souji pulled on her arms just enough to remove them from her face. Her wet face, dripping nose was an embarrassment so why wasn't she fighting to hide her face? Was she too tired? The older man retained his warm smile and again began to wipe her tears and sweat away.

"Try not to get worked up." He cooed in a soft tone. "You're dehydrated as it is."

He continued to sponge her face without a single care about what she had just confessed. As if he had heard it before, as if it meant nothing to him, he continued to take care of her…like she actually deserved it. No, she couldn't take this, she wouldn't allow this! She wasn't the same person she was a few days ago, she didn't earn kindness or love. She was a monster. Didn't he see that?

Her right arm lifted into the air and latched on to his moving hand. Stopping him from cleaning her face, she locked gazes with him. Her brows dipped heavily over her lashes while she clenched her jaw shut. She squeezed his arm with what little strength she had, she wouldn't let him continue any further.

"Why am I here? I killed her."

The look of calmness and serenity left his features. His eyes grew small and a define frown came over his soft lips. Just like the night she had informed him of Hitomi's death, he stared at her with a look of seriousness she couldn't believe came from Souji Okita. It was as if his own being shifted, as if he was an entirely different person.

"Katsuke." He whispered in a stern tone.

"Don't you know what really happened? She died because of _me_. It's _my _fault she's dead and I'm still alive? It's not fair!"

"I know who killed Hitomi." He replied almost like she hadn't uttered anything a moment before. "And it wasn't you."

She shook her head back and forth in denial. "How can you be so sure? You weren't there; you don't know what really happened!"

"Susumu informed us of the missing bits of information." Souji said in a hushed tone. "If we had known that you were using the codename _Hitomi_, things would have been different. But none of us, including you _and_ I, double checked."

"But I knew!" She ripped her hand away from Souji's wrist and slapped her fingertips against her swollen eyes.

"Tora killed her." She heard Souji's arm drop to the bed. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was!" She wailed. "I wish I was dead! It should be me, not her!"

"You do have some claim in this Katsuke." He continued, his warmth radiating to her body. "You need to tell us everything that happened, do you understand? What happened between you and Tora where he found out you was working with the Shinsengumi?"

"He found out I was a spy…that day at the restaurant." She paused and hiccupped between words. "But I lied to him, I told him that I worked at the brothel…and because I used Hitomi's name…"

"I see." He exhaled.

He fell silent, the only noise in the room were the ones of her weeping. She couldn't stop it, the tears continued to flow. Her sinuses burned and ached, her head throbbing to the point of a migraine threatening her well-being. Meanwhile the injury to her belly pulsed and itched in a manner she'd never felt before. She could feel the stitches stretching with each hitch and whimper and each time she quivered in pain. But the pain in her head and stomach couldn't match the anguish her heart was enduring.

Would she ever feel anything but guilt and sadness again?

"You should have informed us that he figured you out, Katsuke."

"Don't you think I know that?" She barked back, removing her hands from her eyes. "This is exactly why it's _my_ fault, dammit!" She fisted her hands, grasping to the sheets of her bed. "How am I supposed to live after this? I can't do it, I can't!"

"We've all done this we're not proud of, Katsuke." He spoke in a soft, low tone. "But you didn't slit her throat, Tora did."

She couldn't respond. The exhaustion from the wound and dehydration from the tears, it was all too much. It went beyond tired, it was just absolute fatigue. She wanted sleep more than anything, to sleep forever. To wake up and never experience this feeling again. Why couldn't she go to sleep and wake up like nothing had happened? Was it too much to ask to go back to normal?

Why didn't she die that night?

"We're going to have a meeting with Hijikata, Kondo and Yamanami in the morning." The pressure on the futon eased. "You're going to explain everything to your superiors then."

She lifted her chin and watched as Souji stood up straight. Taking his cloth along with him, he stepped toward the bedroom door. Just before he lifted his arm to open the frame, he paused and turned his head to the right. What was he waiting for?

"What happened that night?" She took advantage of the moment of silence and spoke in a soft tone.

"Don't worry," His voice returned to its usual kind pitch. "You'll know tomorrow. You just woke up, get some rest for now. I'm going to bring some rice for you to eat then you should sleep…okay?"

Food, a warm bed and someone to care at her side? Why was he doing this for her? She didn't mean anything to anyone in this place, so why did _he_ care? Was it all right that her heart secretly hoped that everyone worried about her? No, she couldn't…not after what happened. No one would care for her after that.

XoXoX

"Good morning, Katsuke."

She gave a shallow bow of her head to address her superiors. A few feet in front of the futon sat Kondo, Hijikata, Yamanami and Souji. The four men kept their hands in their laps and proceeded to speak in soft tones. What was with the sudden respect? Since when did anyone of authority in this place give _her_ any respect? Hell, not even the three idiots gave any sort of compliment as they passed by. What had changed? Were things different because she was hurt?

"Katsuke," Kondo's gentle voice caught her attention. "Souji has filled in most of the blanks when it comes to what happened. Am I to understand that everything he's told us is correct?"

It didn't matter what _anyone_ told them, she was still a murderer. "Yes." She answered beyond all the screaming statements that ran through her mind.

"You were discovered by Tora while doing a mission and he proceeded to take Hitomi's life?" Did he have to rehash everything she all ready knew? Even so, Kondo continued. "Then you found her dead in her home and tried to seek revenge yourself?"

"Yes."

"You realize you've made many mistakes?" Hijikata's growling rumbling tone forced her to flinch. "Your rash decisions have had some dire consequences and for that, you will have to be punished."

"Of course."

"First," Yamanami was next to speak, "You will no longer serve as my Page. You will no longer be asked to act as a Watcher for the Shinsengumi as well."

Great. What was left for her to do then? The ends of her eyes burned with the urge to sob and yet she resisted. Her fingers grasped at the bed sheets that laid over her legs. So what were they going to do now? Kick her out completely? She wouldn't doubt it. After all this time, Susumu was right about her. She was a _nobody_.

"You can continue to work here as a housekeeper." Kondo replied.

Oh boy, that was something to look forward to.

"Do you remember what happened?" Yamanami asked, "After Tora assaulted you?"

Her eyes moved downward and she watched her clenching hands. "No, I don't remember anything. How long have I been out?"

"Hm," The sound of Kondo's shifting clothing vibrated her eardrum. "It's been about a week and you've been in and out of consciousness. Do you remember when Souji brought you home?"

Souji had brought her home? So _he_ was the one to find her with Tora. For a brief moment, Katsuke's eyes darted upward and landed on the beautiful swordsman. He sat about five to seven feet away from her, his large dark eyes staring back at her. She couldn't tell if the prodigy was feeling pity or disappointment toward her, both being something she did not want. The last thing she needed was someone to feel for her and her situation, after what _she_ had done? No, she didn't deserve it. And disappointment? To have someone as wonderful as Souji Okita see her as a failure, it was enough to break the little spirit she had.

"No," She answered, removing her eyes from the youngest male.

"I heard a scream and I came after you." Souji's gentle words soothed her broken heart. "Our units just happened to be in the area, looking for anyone suspicious and we found you."

She clenched her jaw and grinded her upper teeth against her bottom ones. Her hands meanwhile, gripped at the white sheets in such a manner she was sure that her hands would begin to bleed. The burning anticipation of tears hung behind her eyes and still, she resisted it.

"He's dead." He said in a flat voice. "You don't have to worry about him coming after you anymore."

She shut her eyes tight.

"Our resident medic took care of your stitches," Yamanami began to speak once again. "Your wound is mostly superficial and you needed a few stitches to keep you healing in the proper manner."

"You should be feeling fine in the next coming days." Kondo added.

Katsuke reopened her eyes in the slowest motion possible. The pain of tears and the fatigue of her entire body kept her from moving in the way she wanted but she had to give in, she didn't have much choice. She then moved her vision toward the man seated between Kondo and Yamanami. Hijikata sat with his legs crossed and chin supported by an open palm; no doubt wishing evil and horrible things upon her.

"I…" She wasn't sure what she was about to say, all she knew was that her lips were moving. "I…"

"The Gion Festival is over." The silent Hijikata found his voice and directed a glare toward her.

"It's been that long?" She said in a hushed tone, almost as if she had run out of breath. "And what happened with…the Choshu?"

Hijikata removed his cheek from his palm and sat up straight. He took a quick inhale before answering, "Yoshida is dead. Souji has taken care of that."

So _that_ much happened while she was 'asleep'? The world had shifted and she wasn't there to see it. Instead she was in bed, nursing a wound that should have killed her. She wasn't there to help…what kind of soldier did that make her?

"You're ordered on bed rest until that wound closes up." Kondo's pitch took on a sudden lift, almost as if he was trying to change the subject.

"Yes."

"Also Katsuke," Yamanami lifted his arm in order to catch her attention. "After Souji found you the rest of the units he sent out helped bring you home. In order to assess the severity of your wound, they all helped _undress _you."

Katsuke felt her heart rate pick up. What did that matter and why bring it up now? She looked to her former commander with a single, tired brow lifted. By this point she was too tired to ask unnecessary questions and continued to stare at him in confusion in order to get an answer.

"Uh," Kondo was quick to cut in, "It seems Shinpachi, Sanosuke and Heisuke were there when our doctor sutured your cut."

A loud grunt left Hijikata, probably tired of the sugarcoating from his comrades. He sat up straight and shot a stern look at her and proceeded to speak, "They saw your chest. They know you're a girl. And if _they_ know, there's little doubt that no else knows."

_Wonderful_.

Ugh, she was way too exhausted to deal with this. If it were any other day, under any other circumstances she would care, but now? Uh, it didn't matter. She was no longer a Page or Watcher; why not strip her of all of her dreams? There was no way she was ever going to be a part of the Shinsengumi so why not reveal her true self to everyone?

At least she had some time of bed rest to think of a few witty comments when she had to become social again. Perhaps they would see her in a new light? Then again, if they found out what happened between herself and Tora, they would probably hate her anyway. Why look forward to a conversation that would never happen? As far as she was concerned, no one was ever going to speak to her again.

Maybe after she was healed she would seriously consider…leaving. Maybe that was the best thing for everyone.

The sound of the four men moving forced her to look forward. She watched as the males got up from their seated positions and stood up straight. They muttered a few things to one another under their breath, things she couldn't make out and by this time she didn't care what they had to say. It was time they left anyway; she didn't need anyone reminding her of her failures.

"Tetsunosuke will be in shortly with your meal." Kondo turned his attention to her once again.

"Yes." She nodded.

They then turned around and faced the exiting door. Hijikata slid the frame open and was first to leave the room. Kondo followed then Yamanami until only Souji remained. The younger male turned to Katsuke with a small smile.

"Rest now."

She couldn't look at him. Her eyes darted to the left and she lowered her chin in shame. There was no way she could take that smile of his, that warm, kind smile. Wasn't he angry with her? He had to be, right?

_Please let him be angry. Just don't let him be disappointed._

The echoing sound of the door closing alerted her. She jerked her head upward to see that she was alone. No more lectures, no more news, no more anything. Silence was something she had to adapt to, she was going hear a lot more of nothing in the future. The silence was punishment enough.

Act End.


	19. Act Nineteen

Searching for Paradise

Act Nineteen

Could it be possible that she was too tired to eat? The mere act of chewing alone was enough to put her into a coma. Ugh, then swallowing came into the picture. It wasn't like she needed food anyway, she could do without. She didn't deserve it after all. But she couldn't go against the words of her elders and superiors. After all, they wanted her to heal up as soon as possible. Not because they cared but because they needed her to help around the large house.

A small tap on her bedroom door made her sigh. Great, more social interaction, what was she supposed to say with that redheaded Page entered the room with a tray of food? Of course there would be questions but what kind of answers was she supposed to give him? Ugh, she didn't want to talk or even eat. Sleeping seemed like the best plan of 'action'.

Maybe if she slept deep enough, she'd dream of the things she should have been grateful for before a week and half ago. Go back to not-so-distant times and relive the simple moments. Even having those three idiots tease her wasn't so bad…now that she thought back on it.

"Come in." She said in a mild tone while trying to brush old memories out of her mind.

The wooden frame slid open in what seemed to be slow motion. She watched as a small dark figure appeared in the doorway, it was Tetsunosuke no doubt. Too tried and sore to sit up from her futon, she continued to lay on her back, eyes directed toward the door. The small shadow picked the food tray from the floor and proceeded into the darkened room in silence. Once in the room and out of sight of his superiors, Tetsu kicked closed the sliding door and stepped closer to her.

"Hey." He spoke in a tone soft enough to be considered a whisper.

She refused to answer his call and instead turned her face away from his direction. Beneath her thin sheets she gripped at the futon, her pride cracking with each second. How could she look at him now? She was a shell of the person she used to be, she wasn't who she was more than a week ago. All that buildup of cocky pride and now he was seeing her like _this_? It went further than shameful, it was downright embarrassing.

"I brought you some steamed fish with green tea." The sound of his fidgeting about perked her senses but she still refused to look his way. "I also snuck you some sweet rice pudding for dessert." A light chuckle left his lips.

Why did he have to be so damn nice? It wasn't like him at all. Were things different because she was a _girl_ now? Before he would have shoved the food in her face without so much of a 'hello' and left without a proper good bye. Why did he have to act like Hitomi's death hadn't happened?

"I have orders from Yamanami to make sure you eat it all."

Any other day she would scarf the food as if it were her last meal, but now? What was the point? Yamanami didn't care, as much as he would deny it vocally, he didn't care for her the way she once did for him. When did her puppy love come to such an abrupt end?

"Sit up."

The sudden command from the younger male caused the girl to flinch. Not having time to resist, she turned to the right. Her eyes met his smiling glance. A smile? What for?

"What?" She huffed through her nose.

"Sit up," He repeated, "You can't eat laying down."

Releasing a quick scoff she turned left, once again hiding from his innocent eyes. He didn't need to act like he cared, she knew the truth. There was no doubt that he'd heard what _really_ happened through everyone else. He'd probably heard about Hitomi's death via demon vice-commander, Hijikata. So why act sweet toward her when she'd caused so much hurt?

"I'm not hungry." She didn't hesitate in telling him the truth.

"You need to eat." She could almost _hear_ that lower lip poke out in his usual bratty pout. "Come on."

"No."

A sudden grunt and sigh filled the air around the couple. By the sound of his shifting clothes, the younger boy sat up and readjusted himself. "You have to eat; it's my job to make sure you do. I'll get in trouble if you don't."

"I don't care."

She could _feel_ Tetsunosuke roll his eyes behind her back. "You won't get better if you don't eat _something_." His tone took on a sudden irritation. "Besides, I got you rice pudding, at least eat that."

"You can have it." She grunted, the desire to turn on her side had never haunted her so much. Ugh, but the pain from her wound wouldn't appreciate it if she rolled over.

"I want _you_ to have it." His tone lowered, almost to a point of a feral growl.

_Can't he take 'no' for an answer?_

"I don't care what you tell Yamanami or Hijikata, I'm _not_ hungry." She hissed through her teeth.

The sound of rattling plates and bowls vibrated through the near silent room. She turned at the noise and watched as Tetsu rose up to his feet. He bent down momentarily and grabbed the tray from the floor. Lifting it to chest level, he straightened out his back and headed toward the bedroom door.

"Fine," He snorted as he pushed open the sliding door with the tip of his foot. "But I'm telling them that I tried."

She again turned her head to the left as the sound of the bedroom door shutting entered the air. A midst the silence she took in a deep breath through her nostrils and held the air in her lungs for a second or two. Trying her best to rid her thoughts of the matter she exhaled and shut her eyes.

Nothing, not steamed fish with rice or even rice pudding was going to make her feel better. That was that.

XoXoX

He ran the wet comb through her knotted hair in silence. Getting through all the knots that she had collected in the past two days was taking more energy out of him than he could have predicted. But she was still upset and depressed, what else was he going to do, watch her fade away? No, he couldn't do that, if she wasn't going to take care of herself, then he'd do it for her.

Pulling the comb out of her locks, Souji turned to the small bowl beside him and dipped the object into the clean water. After a moment he pulled the comb out and shook off the excess liquid and once again turned to Katsuke. With slow, steady motions he pulled the teeth of the beauty tool through her hair, ridding her scalp of any tangles. After all, she couldn't take a bath with her stitches. All he could do for her was gently wash the areas of her body that needed cleaning with a damp towel and run a wet comb through her dirty hair.

If it were up to Katsuke, she wouldn't wash at all. It was like she had lost all will to live, even when it came to things as simple as eating and cleaning herself. But he wasn't going to stand by and watch her waste away. If he had to force feed her to keep her energy up, then he'd do it without hesitation. No friend of his was going to suffer…at least not alone.

The couple sat outside her temporary room, on the deck that faced the small backyard area. There in the sunlight her hair would dry faster _and_ she would get some fresh air. Perhaps that would be enough to make her feel better? She had remained silent the entire time however, what was she thinking of?

Souji pulled the instrument out of her hair once again and repeated his last action. Dipping the comb in the water to clean it, he only waited a moment before removing it from the bowl and shaking off the linger droplets of liquid. As he lifted the brush to her head once more he took in a deep breath. The moment the cold wind from the yard hit his lungs he hesitated and flinched.

How could it hurt _this _much? Just by breathing? He felt his chest swell for a moment as he held that single breath; his hands, legs and arms tightening with each passing moment. He felt his eyes shut for just a second as he kept to himself best he knew how. He couldn't let _anyone_ but his superiors know about his illness. He couldn't bother Katsuke with his troubles now, she was far too sensitive.

He couldn't help but release a small, near silent grunt as he exhaled through his nostrils. The swordsman clenched his jaw in order to suppress the pain and continued with washing the young woman's hair. This would pass, he knew it would. It would just take a moment or two and he'd be fine!

"Hey!"

A familiar voice perked the young prodigy up. It was _almost _enough to make him forget about his pain as he turned to face Sanosuke, Shinpachi and Heisuke. The three males stepped forward with excited looks on their faces. They hadn't seen Katsuke since the incident almost two weeks ago, were they happy to see the former cross dresser?

"Hello." Souji presented a warm smile despite the aching of his chest. "How are you three?"

"We're good," Shinpachi beamed, attaching his hand to his hip.

"We came by to check on Katsuke." Heisuke said as he nudged his chin in the lone female's direction.

"How ya doin' kid?" Sanosuke leaned in with a grin on his face.

Souji turned back to the girl and waited for her verbal reply. Instead she lowered her head and stiffened her shoulders. Even from his angle, he could see that Katsuke refused to glance in the way of the trio. Her now overgrown bangs covered her eyes, which were no doubt looking in the opposite way. The purple-haired man inched his body slightly to his right and took a peek over the girl's shoulder. Her hands clutched to her yukata as if she were to float away.

"She's doing fine." Souji took it upon himself to answer for the young lady. "Her stitches are looking good and she's getting plenty of rest."

"All good news!" Shinpachi released a small chuckle.

"Yes," He nodded in reply, "It shouldn't take but a few more days until she can return to work."

"Good!" Sanosuke lifted his elbow to chest level and proceeded to hit the redhead in the gut, "I was getting sick of his cooking!"

The shortest male crossed his arms over his tiny chest and huffed. "I'm getting sick of making the food! It's not easy!"

"I think Tetsu is getting tired of doing all the laundry too," Heisuke had to be frank, "It's sad to watch that pup carry around the burden of all that work! Poor thing needs some help!"

Souji turned his attention the young girl once again. She remained still and silent, not even twitching once to the small compliments they tried to sneak into the conversation. Even at the lighthearted laughter, she didn't even release the grip she held on her clothes. Perhaps she was embarrassed? Scared? Depressed?

"Do you hear that, Katsuke?" Souji leaned into the girl's right ear. "It sounds like _they_ miss you." He then glanced back to the trio and flashed a wink.

At this she cringed. Her head ducked lower between her tense shoulders while a small trembling in her arms started. The sound of her breathing picked up as if she were struggling for each gasp. There was little doubt that she was biting her lower lip or grinding her teeth together in her mouth.

"You know, it all makes sense now," Shinpachi's voice lighted up the backyard. "How you hated being called a girl."

"Hey," Sano gazed down at his comrades. "It does! It's so strange that you're a girl now! I mean, looking back on it, it was kind of obvious, right?" He then moved his head from side to side, eyes bouncing between each best friend.

"Yeah, I _know_." Heisuke released a round of laughs. "I can totally see it now! You tryin' to protect yourself from everyone knowing! I like you better as a girl though, you're _much_ cuter this way."

The trembles rocked through her body until her hands began to shake beyond what seemed to be control.

"But why were you trying to be a boy?" Shinpachi tilted his head to one side. "We wouldn't have teased you half as much if we knew the truth!"

"Yeah, all that bitchy-ness makes more sense because you're a female." Sanosuke nodded his head with enthusiasm. "You can get away with that kind of stuff, being a girl."

Heisuke leaned in toward Katsuke with an innocent smile on his face. "So, out with it, what was with the whole cross dressing act?"

Souji pulled both hands away from the silent woman and let his arms relax at his sides. He then allowed his brows to settle over his eyes and with a deep set frown spoke, "I don't think we should talk about-"

"I'm sure all the pressure's off you now, what a relief right?" Shinpachi was quick to intervene.

Heisuke whirled around to his two friends and with a smirk lifted his index finger as if he had discovered something of true value. "_That's_ why Yamanami was so nice to her! I get it!"

"Ah," Sanosuke shut his eyes and nodded.

And all at once the shaking appeared to stop. From beyond her shoulder, Souji watched as Katsuke parted her lips as if she were about to speak. Her chest expanded then with what seemed like all her might, she exhaled. Her bottom lip trembled while her back began to curl forward even further. The sound of the trio broke the swordsman's concentration on the girl and he looked once again at the boys.

Heisuke moved both arms outward and opened his palms before continuing, "That also explains-"

"Just stop it all ready!"

A sudden burst of energy erupted from the Katsuke and she sat up as straight as she could. Her back still bent in some places, she rested her right hand over her stitched wound and looked up to the males. Tears had welted up in the corners of her eyes and she clenched her left palm into a fist.

"Don't act nice to me, like you care!"

Just then out of the hall a shadow appeared in the daylight. Upon hearing her shout, Susumu had come out into the back. Perhaps he was worried? Why else would the young man come down this way in such a house so large? As far as Souji knew, the former Watcher hadn't seen the female since getting home, so maybe he was coming to check in on her? The black-haired male stood in the entrance to the hall with one short brow lifted in confusion while his arms were crossed over his chest.

"You don't really care about me!" She shouted as the beads of tears fell from her eyes and trickled down her round, red cheeks. "Before this all happened, you didn't care!"

Souji lifted his arm to the sobbing female and called out to her, "Katsuke."

"Just because I'm a girl now, you think things will change?" She spat as if her words were venom. "No! You can't be nice to me, I won't allow it! I hate you and you should hate me too! I don't ever want to talk to _any_ of you, ever again!"

Her hand still attached to her belly, Katsuke turned on her heel and shoved her way passed each male. Souji could see the tears continue to fall as she dashed into the hall and out of sight. The sounds of her footsteps faded with each passing second until they disappeared. The loud sound of a slamming door followed shortly after and caused the group of five men to flinch.

Souji put aside the items he had at hand and placed one foot on the ground. As he tried to push his weight to his planted foot, his leg gave way. His arms shot out in front of him before he could land face first on the deck. He gave a quick gasp which led way for a series of hard, violent coughs. The burning in his lungs caused him to heave and his right hand cupped his mouth, trying his best to contain his bodily fluids.

Finding a brief moment of clarity from his coughs, Souji glanced up to the three unit captains. "Shinpachi…please, go check on Katsuke…" Before he could speak further the clamping sensation in his chest began again.

Through the blurry imagery of his vision he watched as the short, redhead gave a quick nod then chased after the crying female. The sound of shuffling clothing broke his stare and soon Sanosuke and Heisuke huddled around him. He could hear their voices but he could not make out any clear words.

He needed his medicine and he needed rest. But what would happen to her if he wasn't there?

XoXoX

Susumu pulled himself away from Souji just as Sanosuke and Heisuke plucked the prodigy up from the floor. Seeing that the delicate swordsman was taken care of, the ex-Watcher walked in fast motion down the hall. He trailed after Shinpachi in search of the wounded female. About fifteen feet away from his desired destination, the closed bedroom door slid open and a frightened Shinpachi was pushed against the opposing wall.

"Get out and leave me alone!"

The redhead then ducked as an incoming towel came his way. The damp cloth hit the shorter male and the door to the room that contained the hostile female slammed shut. Now in the company of the unit captain, Susumu approached him with concern.

What the hell was that about? Since when did that little brat think it was okay to throw things at a _unit captain_? As far as he was concerned, she was a guest in their establishment, treating someone of seniority with disrespect was unacceptable! If no one else was going to put this idiot in her place, then he wouldn't waste a second in grounding her himself.

"Eh," Shinpachi released a long, tired sigh. "She's really messed up about this whole thing, isn't she?" He said, turning to Susumu with a disappointed frown.

"I'll take care of things from here." The taller male spoke in a stern voice. "You can tend to Souji if you'd like. I'll see to it she gets what she needs."

The redhead pulled the wet towel from the top of his head and gripped at the seams. "Thanks." He flashed a quick smile at the black-haired male.

Susumu watched as the unit captain excused himself and moved down the hall in a rushed silence. He didn't turn to watch as the smaller man left the area, he only waited for the sounds of his footsteps to fade. Once out of ear range, the former Watcher approached the bedroom door. He lifted his hand and placed his fingers on the frame, gently pulling open the sliding door.

He set his eyes on the female from the moment he entered her temporary room. He was sure to settle his features as solid as he could make them, he wouldn't show her pity in any form. As he looked in he saw the girl seated up right on the futon. Her tears had seemed too dried for the time being as her arms crossed over her small bust. She sat in what appeared to be some kind of royalty, seated as if someone owed _her_ an apology.

He couldn't let this attitude continue any further.

"Get out!" She was first to speak. "I don't want to talk to anyone."

He didn't reply and instead shut the door behind himself. With that done, he stepped deeper into the empty room, his dark eyes locked to her. So now she was going to disrespect _him_? When did having a tragedy require so much attention and tears? People die, that was a part of Shinsengumi life. She needed to _grow_ from this experience, not linger on it; otherwise, Hitomi's death would be almost in vain.

He knew firsthand how hard death was on a person. He knew his heart would never fully heal from the hole of Ayumu's death left in it. Death was never simple or easy but she needed to move on. He would never be the same without his sister but at least Tetsunosuke taught him that he wasn't alone. That his tragedy wasn't his alone, everyone loved the beautiful spy and homemaker. Things wouldn't be the same without her but continuing to cry over her passing wouldn't bring her back.

Ayumu wouldn't _want_ him to be sad forever. He knew this for certain with it came to Hitomi. But this was Katsuke's method of grieving, even if it was wrong. Grieving set aside, he was not going tolerate her disrespecting _unit captains_. She was in for a rude wakeup call and he didn't mind giving it to her. No more sugarcoating for her, he wouldn't be as kind as the three jokers, Tetsunosuke or even Souji. Things needed to change, _now_.

"You got some nerve, girl." He growled as he approached the futon. "That was a unit captain you just threw out of the room."

"I don't care!" Her eyes darted to the right.

"You better start carin'." His feet stopped just inches from the bed. "You're lucky he didn't turn around and throw your sorry ass out of this place. He doesn't have to take attitude from _anyone_ let alone _you_."

She, for the first time, was silent. But he wasn't finished, not by a long shot. She needed more than just a warning, she needed to be ordered. She was nothing, a nobody! She didn't deserve the things she had or the place she was staying at. Hell, she didn't earn the right to the medical care she was receiving from the Shinsengumi. If it were up to him, she'd be long gone by now. She was nothing but a screw up.

"This attitude is goin' to stop, you hear me?" His voice rumbled. "You ain't nothin' and you're never gonna be anythin' if you keep this up. You didn't deserve to be here in the first place and you think I'm goin' to tolerate your mouth now?"

Her nose began to turn a light shade of red while more tears began to pool in her eyes. Her bottom lip turned inward and it appeared as if she began to chew on it. Again with the tears? There wasn't any time for these games; she needed to grow up _now_. She wasn't a child anymore; she needed to be an adult for once in her miserable life.

"I warned you 'bout your mouth before." He said just as he began to turn away from Katsuke. "Don't speak outta turn again. If I see you disrespectin' a superior again Hijikata and Kondo are gonna hear 'bout it."

Before his eyes left her, he watched as the girl lowered her chin into her neck. The small glimmer of a tear shined in the dim light of the room as it fell from her eyes to the sheets. The sound of her breathing became picked up in pitch along with several hiccups echoed in the empty space. As the seconds passed her sobs became louder, almost as if she were calling out to him.

But what could she be asking for?

"I've also heard from Tetsunosuke that you've been refusin' to eat." He managed to ask beyond the cries of the desperate female. "You were ordered to eat, don't waste the food and refuse it. Like it or not, we need a housekeeper and that's _your_ job. Eat and rest, that ain't a request."

With that said, Susumu turned to face the exiting door. He took a single step forward when the sniveling sounds of Katsuke came to a sudden halt. He listened and heard as she took in a single breath.

"She said she trusted me with her life…" She released an extended exhale followed by a heavy round of tears. "I couldn't protect her!"

He glanced over his shoulder. Katsuke's hands had shot up to her face and covered her leaking eyes. Her mouth dropped open as she cried aloud. A mixture of tears, mucus and spit dribbled from her hands and landed on the sheets on her lap.

"She's dead because of me!"

His heart hitched. He gripped his fists at his sides as he watched the once strong female sob her eyes out. What happened to the girl with all that confidence? The girl, who beyond all logic, believed in herself no matter if she was right or wrong? Instead of watching _that_ girl move on with her life, here he was watching a broken _child_ cry out of control.

Why did he miss that cocky idiot?

"I treated her like garbage…" She spoke out again; this time in a tone lower then she shouts she let out moments before. "She loved me and all I ever did was lie and treat her like crap. I'm more of a monster than the man who killed her. It…might as well been me…"

He turned his chin forward once more. "I can't help you."

Again the loud sobs returned, only this time around her gasps for air became more desperate. She gasped and squeaked in mental anguish, her lips forming words he couldn't understand. If she honestly believed she had been the reason behind Hitomi's death, how would have she reacted if she actually killed someone with her own hands? How did he feel the night he took his first life? Sure, he went through a state of shock and denial but internally, did he feel like _this_?

The day Ayumu died…he felt this way. The urge to scream out her name in hopes that she might her him and come to his call, her whimpers and sobs were the voices he couldn't let out aloud until the day he sat on the roof with Tetsunosuke. This was her form of grief, how she was dealing with the death of someone important, so why did he feel the need to stop her tears? It couldn't just be the fact that it was loud and annoying, there had to be more to it. Dare he think he didn't _want_ her to feel sadness?

No one good deserved to feel the sadness that he had felt the night he found his sister.

But what about _her_, did he want to save her heart of the hurt of death? Did she deserve more than to feel this kind of sorrow and if so, why did it have to be _him_ that saved her? He didn't love her, he wasn't her friend, hell he didn't even _like _her. He tolerated the stupid woman and that was it.

Because after all, he was the worst kind of person; he hadn't earned the right to love anyone else. He had his chance to love Ayumu and he wasted it. There was no way he could ever give his heart to anyone else.

And still…

"Take care of me!" She shouted from the bed on the opposite side of the room. "I want you to take care of me, Susumu!"

Before he could consider what he was doing, he turned on his heel and faced her once again. His brows arched to the top of his forehead while his jaw dropped in surprise. _What_ did this woman say? Out of all the stupid things to ever come out of her mouth, did she just say what he heard her say? The once strong, prideful, independent Katsuke Nakamura wanted someone to _take care_ of _her_?

She needed him?

Since when?

"I…"

"She told me…that you needed someone to look after…" Katsuke removed her hands from her wet, red face. "Now I'm asking you, please…take care of me."

_She_? Was the former Page referring to his sister? Ayumu told her that he needed someone to take care of, when did this happen? Was it true? No, it wasn't true, it couldn't be! And if he _did_ need someone, just as much as they needed them, it wasn't going to be _her_. She was an insistent pain in his side, a brat that couldn't be reformed, a disrespectful fool…

…And she needed him.

He felt his cheeks heat up as he stared at her. Watching her as she cried like the idiot she was. What was he supposed to do to remedy her pain, even if he _wanted_ to take care of her? How could he do this when his own heart wasn't fully healed? If she needed him and he wanted someone to look after did that mean they needed _each other_?

"I'll do what I can."

It was the only thing he could think of to say. The only promise he could make and actually keep. He couldn't promise her that she'd be all right or that all the pain she was feeling would go away but he could try. If it was what his sister wanted, her last piece of advice, he was going to act on it.

Even if that meant dealing with more of her tears.

Act End.


	20. Act Twenty

Searching for Paradise

Act Twenty

Her skin never felt so good after her stitches were removed. The skin free from the tugging and pulling from the thick medical string, it almost felt like tearing an old scab off a wound. Katsuke had been told that her cut was superficial and would heal quickly but she would have never thought in a week's time, she'd be feeling better. She didn't _want_ to get back to work; if she could stay in bed forever it would be a dream come true! When she was alone in her temporary room there wasn't anyone around to speak to, no one to remind her of her failure.

Sure at meal and cleaning times she would _have_ to say something to Tetsunosuke but she made certain to limit their conversation. There was no doubt that the little redhead knew about what happened and it was just a matter of time before he started asking questions. Reliving the entire situation…she was dreading it.

But she _had_ to get back to work, now that her wound was healed. Her first round of duties? To tend to Souji. Apparently he had come down with some kind of cold and for the past few weeks had been feeling under the weather. Neither the doctors nor commanders would confirm _what_ kind of cold it was or if it were contagious but did it matter? After a week of looking after her, Souji deserved some love. Even when she was at her worst, he was always there. Always.

She stepped into the kitchen without so much of a hum. Noon had just rolled in and it was time for Souji's nutrition-packed meal. He wasn't stable enough yet to stand on his own to get his food and there came her order to bring him his meal. Kondo had ordered warm soup with a cup of tea, pretty bland but he _was_ sick. How much of an appetite could he have?

Once in the confines of the kitchen, she placed the tray she had been holding on a nearby counter and moved her attention to the soup pot. Still bubbling hot from the wood stove, she lifted the ladle from the warm stew and began to stir the liquid a few times. No doubt the broth's fat and bits had settled at the bottom, for flavor reasons she moved the utensil around the large steel pot. After a moment she glanced to the left and plucked a small bento bowl and lifted it to the pot. Taking a large spoonful, she poured the warm liquid into the small clay bowl.

She returned to the tray with her bowl in hand and placed soup on the platter with a frown. Time for the tea. With a grunt and sigh she moved over to the stove once again, this time turning toward the tea kettle. An empty cup sat beside the stove, no doubt left by Shinpachi for her use. Why would he make things easier for her? After the way she treated him? She didn't deserve so much kindness. She shook off the feeling and with a poured Souji his tea. Once filled to her liking, she moved back across the room to the tray.

This was her first day back on the job and still, it felt like years since she last prepared a meal for a superior. It had only been about three weeks since the incident but in that time she had aged decades. She wasn't the same person she was when she came to this place, would she ever feel that way again? She didn't _want _to stay sad, feeling depressed beyond words and feeling nothing but pain. She hadn't laughed and she missed it but did she deserve to feel joy again?

After what happened? No, no way.

But then there was Susumu. She had asked the impossible from him, something that almost as disrespectful as throwing a unit captain out of her room, she asked him to _take care_ of her. What was she, a baby? No, she wanted him to fill the holes in her heart that Hitomi had left. To take away all the sadness and anger, she wanted him to take care of her _emotionally_. But there was no way he would agree to something like that! He didn't smile or laugh himself, so how could he make someone _else_ feel happiness? Besides, he hated her that much he made clear.

Then again…

"_I'll do what I can." _

Her fingers gripped at the tray while her eyes shut tight. She could feel the heat rise to her cheeks as his voice echoed through her heart and mind. What did that _mean_? He'd do what he could? Did that mean he'd take care of her, listen to her? If she had asked this of him two months ago he would have turned away from her without so much of a snort, so what was different now? Had all the tragedy that had transpired made him softer?

Even if he said he'd be there, he hadn't. In the past few days he had refused to come in to visit her. Perhaps he was embarrassed or ashamed of agreeing to such a thing. But damn, she _wanted_ to see him; it was almost a need at some point. The chilly presence he presented so well, the look of disapproval…even the way he _smelled_, she missed it.

"Be sure to give him the proper medications."

She stood up straight to the sound of a familiar voice. Her eyes snapped open and she released her grip on the tray long enough to whirl around to face the male who was speaking to her. Hunched over behind her stood a blank-faced Saitou. His lethargic eyes stared at her with no emotion and yet he spoke in a tone as if they had just seen one another the day before. She hadn't seen the pale man in at least three weeks so what was with the look of normalcy?

"E-excuse me?" She stammered for a moment.

He cleared his throat before standing up straight. "Be sure to give Souji his proper medications." He repeated himself in a calm tone.

Ah. That, of course, was her next plan of action after Souji was fed. His medications had all ready been prepared and was just waiting for the swordsman to take them, thanks to Yamanami. Why, he, of all people want to help _her_ was something she couldn't understand. After all, she had failed him as a Page.

Why people continued to be nice to her was something she'd never get.

"Yes." She nodded a single time. "Thanks."

The older man drew his attention away from her and once again looked forward. Then one step after the other began to slowly walk back down the hall. Katsuke felt her lungs exhale a sigh of relief as the male disappeared. Ugh, to disappoint another person she looked up to? No, if she was going to stay here with the Shinsengumi, then she was going to be silent and keep to herself until spoken to. She was never going to risk getting another person hurt again.

She began to turn back to the counter when the sound of Saitou's footsteps came to a stop. She paused and waited for them to restart. When they did moments later, she grabbed the tray and turned back around. Just as she looked to the hall, Saitou's image appeared back in the doorway. All the hairs stood up on her arms and a small squeak escaped her lips as the taller, larger man stood before her with the same tranquil expression.

"You should appreciate this." He said in mild tone.

She felt her brow lift to the top of her forehead. "Appreciate?" The words left her mouth before she could control her tongue.

Again he faced the hallway and began to step forward when he stopped and glanced over his shoulder. "The dead don't always get a second chance."

Her jaw dropped and for a moment she felt her grip on the tray loosen. _What_ did he say? Her eyes widened as much as she thought possible and watched as the skilled unit captain went about his business. So he was going to just pop in and say something mysterious before leaving? What did it mean and why did he say it? He wasn't referring to _her_…was he?

Was there any truth to his words? He wouldn't just say something or give a piece of advice if he wasn't sure of what he was saying. Everything that strange man did had a reason so he had to have meant something. But what?

XoXoX

The door slid shut behind her in an almost silent motion. She released a small sigh as she stepped down the hall, leaving Souji's bedroom. He hadn't eaten all of his food, maybe half of it, but he was sick what else could she expect? Was it this hard to get _her_ to eat when she was bedbound? If she had known, maybe she wouldn't have given Tetsunosuke such a hard time. But there wasn't a lot she could do about that at this point, she had business to take care of. After this? There were dishes to do, then sweeping and shining the dojo floors. Ugh, why did things seem so much harder now that she was the main housekeeper?

When she was a Page, she had time to flake off. But now that she was responsible for taking care of the large building, there was no time for 'I'll get around to it'. And to think, this was five hours into her first day of housework! Gah! How was she supposed to do this the rest of her life?

But there were more things to be concerned with, weren't there? Souji was sick. And even the slender, beautiful swordsman that at one time she called her best friend, was too ill to chat with her, even if she actually felt like responding _back_ this time. Again, there was that feeling of regret. How could she treat the people around her, the way she had? She couldn't think about it, not right now. But…

"_The dead don't always get a second chance."_

She clenched her jaw as she stepped down the hall in silence. There was no way she could honestly apologize to them for the way she had acted. After all, what was keeping her here? The fact that they _needed_ a housekeeper? That had to be it, they didn't want her any more then she wanted them! She didn't need them and she didn't need to be nice or apologize to _anyone_. Right?

She found herself in the entrance to the kitchen before she could blink twice. Ugh, she hated doing dishes almost as much as she hated sweeping. But the faster she got that over with the better. And if she half-assed it, maybe it would go faster. The dishes were only going to get dirty again once someone used them! It was just natural for her to-

Her large brown eyes settled on the large sink area to see that it was clear of any soiled dishes or plates. The tray nearly dropped from her fingers as she stared at the clean kitchen counter. Who? And why? Her legs began to move beyond her mind's control and moments later she stood before the cleaned area. She extended her arms to the wood counter and placed the tray down. Her eyes scanned the area to find it clean, even cleaner from where she had left it during the morning hours.

Someone had cleaned up for her? They didn't do this to be _nice_, did they? They had no reason to be kind to someone like her. But then again, why would this happen? There _had_ to be a reason. There _had_ to be a person with a certain intension behind his actions.

But who?

Katsuke could hear her heartbeat in her ears. It slowed to a steady, calm pace. Was she at ease or upset? She wasn't sure which; all she knew was that for a moment she felt a sudden warmth in her chest. A knot grew in her gut almost as if she were nervous, what did it all mean? When did _anyone_ do _anything_ for Katsuke Nakamura? Even when she was a Page, she was rude and disrespectful so what was with the sudden kindness? She was the same person even if her gender role had changed.

Why did being a girl change everything so much?

Damn, she needed advice, _anyone's_ advice. She pulled away from the counter and moved toward the wooden chair placed in the corner of the small kitchen. She allowed her backside to fall into the seat and she sighed. Why did she have to burn all of her bridges, why couldn't she be nice to _anyone_? If she had, maybe she'd have someone to talk to now. But she had to be…she had to be herself. Only if she were like Ayumu. If she had tried to be the one thing she wasn't, maybe she wouldn't be so alone.

Shit, she _hated_ this. She loathed being _alone_.

"_You've got heart. That's all it takes."_

What would _she_ say if she were still here? She'd wrap her warm arms around the fallen Page and whisper into her ear in the kindest, most soft voice that everything would be all right. That she should go out and try again, no matter how difficult or impossible it seemed. But if she _knew_ what Ayumu would say to her, why couldn't she act on her imaginary advice?

"Starin' at the floor won't clean it any faster."

As if someone had touched her with a hot spike, her straightened and she sat upright. Her eyes moved from the floor up to the man standing in front of her. In what appeared to be a laid back manner, Susumu stood with his pale arms crossed over his broad chest and left knee locked in her direction.

"I…" She hesitated.

"Well," He removed his arms from his chest. "Are you gonna start cleanin' or what?"

So _that_ was what he came into the kitchen for? To make sure she was working? Gah, when she asked God for Ayumu why did He have to send _him_. He had all ready gone back on his promise to take care of her. It'd been almost a week days since their last meeting!

"Yeah." She inhaled through her nose while she suppressed all the thoughts cramming her mind. By this point she was far beyond the point of arguing, she didn't have the energy.

He began to pull away from her, "Get to it then."

Her eyes darted away from the ex-Watcher and returned to roaming the floor below. Her back bent forward once again allowing her elbows to rest on her knees. Her open palms gave something for her cheeks to rest upon as she thought to herself. Damn, if she was her old self, she'd have no problem telling Susumu off. No second thoughts, no regrets and now? She was lucky if she could sneeze in front of a superior without apologizing.

How times had changed in such a short period.

"I said, get to it."

"Yes." She exhaled, refusing to look his way. "I will."

The sound of shifting clothing caused her to flinch but she still refused to look at him. The sound of his bare feet on the floor also caught her attention, this time her eyes wandering across the ground until she saw them. Swallowing the spit that had gathered in her mouth she kept still. He wasn't going to scold her, was he?

"What the hell did you just say?"

Shit. What did she do now? Wasn't that the answer he wanted to hear? She was being as submissive as possible! Something that she would have never seen herself doing three weeks ago, so what was the issue? She had even denied him eye contact, like she was supposed to do with someone of higher standards. There had to be _something_ she did wrong to earn a reply like this.

"I said, I will." She muttered just loud enough for him to hear.

"And what kind of stupid attitude is that, comin' from you?" His voice rumbled as if he were angry. "Since when do _you_ take orders without hesitation? Hell, you didn't even curl that nasty upper lip of yours at me as I turned away."

He was mad because she _hadn't_ given him a hard time? When did things turn around _this _much? It wasn't just strange that he felt that way, it was downright stupid. What else was she supposed to do, if she did as she was told she was wrong and if she didn't do as she was told she was in trouble? This was wrong on a number of levels.

"What do you want me to say?" She finally turned to the older male, her eyes narrowed in a glare and her hands moved away from her cheeks.

His angered features settled as she looked upon him. "That's more like it."

"What?" Her right brow arched.

At the sound of her question, he turned to the left. His lips parted and a short exhale of air left him. She watched as his chest lifted once again as he inhaled a fresh breath of wind through his nostrils. Was he thinking and if so, what about? Why the hell was everyone acting so strange? She hadn't changed in the last few weeks, so what was wrong with everybody?

"You ain't actin' normal." His eyes moved away from her and landed on an unknown object to the left. "No one 'round here likes the way you're actin' now. Change back."

Could it be that easy? To just change back as if nothing had ever happened? As if Hitomi were still alive and her belly was free from any scar? It was impossible, wasn't it, it had to be. There was no way she could go back to that cocky brat she once was. But most burning thought of all had to be, why he wanted her back. Of course he uttered no one as if he were talking about _everyone_ but was he actually including himself when he asked?

"Why does it matter?" She gripped at the fabric that laid over her knees. "What do you care?"

"It matters."

"To who?"

"Stop askin' such stupid questions and do as you're told." His vision returned to her, glare included.

The burning in her stomach moved into her throat. She released her grasp on her yukata and tightened her jaw as hard as she could. He was just _trying_ to make her angry at this point. Why did he have to act like such a brat? Getting her mad wouldn't help anyone!

"No!" She shot back. "You don't understand! It can't go back to the way it was!"

His brows lifted from above his eyes and almost arched as if he were surprised. "Why not?" A look of calmness washed over his features as his posture relaxed. "Because she's gone?"

Her heart stopped. Did he actually say that? The way he asked, the tone in which he asked, it was like a slap to the face. A hit that pushed all of the air out of her lungs and left her speechless. It was worse than any punch he could have given to her, more painful than the time he took her by the throat and threatened her. It stung down to her _core_.

"Ah…I…"

"She's gone." He repeated, "Does it hurt to say it out loud? It shouldn't, you've repeated it enough times in that small brain of yours for the past three weeks."

The clenching sensation she held in her jaw subsided and soon it hung open in shock. Her sweaty palms slid down from her lap and down to her sides. What was he thinking, how could he say such things at a time like this? Didn't he know how much it hurt; he had to after what happened with his sister. So why was he saying _this now_?

"You told me you couldn't protect her." He carried on, his eyes focused on hers. "That it might as well been you to have killed her. Do you really believe that?"

Did she have to answer? Her wide eyes burned in a manner she was far accustom to after that last few days. She knew felt her chin lift then lower in a slow nod, why she was answering him at all was a mystery she'd have to solve later. After receiving her response he bobbed his head a single time. He then moved his right arm up and tapped his bottom lip with his index finger.

"Then you're a bigger fool then I first figured." He spoke in a tone _too_ relaxed for her tastes.

She turned away from the handsome spy, her eyes half lidded and lip pouted. "You don't understand."

"No, I think I got this down pretty well." A shift in clothes vibrated in her ears. "You on the other hand, you ain't got a clue."

"And what do I do exactly?" She turned back to the male with a low hiss. "You explain it to me, if you know everything."

He hummed for a moment, his peaceful facial expression remaining without a hesitation. "You can't change it, no matter what you did that night or in the days before, you couldn't change what was gonna happen." His hand fell from his mouth and rested once again at his side.

"It was my fault." She grunted and held her breath in a small attempt to keep herself from crying in front of Susumu _again_. "My mistakes killed her."

"And what are you gonna do 'bout it now?" He snorted in response. "Nothin' you can do now can bring her back." He paused for a short moment only to breathe through his nose. "Mistakes were made and you learned your lesson, didn't you?"

"But I believed…" Her eyes shut and forced the overdue tears to trickle down her cheeks. "I knew that if I believed enough I could change my mistake but…it didn't work. I didn't try hard enough."

"That belief of yours, it's wrong."

Katsuke jerked her chin up and watched as Susumu moved backward to the counter. He then placed his lower back against the edge and leaned against the shelf, his eyes still directed toward her. How could he act so laid back? After his sister was brutally taken from him and after he retired from being a spy, how could he be okay? Everything was taken from him in the blink of an eye; it was gone in an instant. So how was he standing?

"You got it in that thick skull of yours that believin' will take care of all your problems." He sighed as he adjusted himself to his new position. "It can't. Havin' faith can only help you achieve your goals." His eyes darted away from her and landed on the ground. "Sometimes you can't change your fate, no matter how much believin' you do."

Was this how he dealt with his demons? Was this what he told himself on those nights when all he saw was the bloody images of his dead sister? How could something so simple be true, if it were that easy why hadn't she seen it before? It took a damaged, broken former Watcher to tell her that sometimes fate had different plans for your life then you did? Since when had Susumu become so insightful?

"So stop thinkin' like that." His eyes suddenly returned to her.

Katsuke felt her fingers tighten down on the fabric near her knees. Without any control her tears had come to a stop, leaving only a two wet streaks below her eyes. Who had taught Susumu to be so kind? In her time of recovery, someone had to have been there to take care of him the way she wanted him to take care of her.

"You gotta take care of your goals on your own, got that?" His arms lifted to his chest and he then crossed them as he had when he first entered the room. "'Cause you got obligations here. There are people here who need you and _want_ you back."

Need? Want? Who needed her and who could possibly _want_ her? She watched as the black-haired man turned his chin in the direction of the cleared sink area. With a single nudge of his head she glanced to where he had 'pointed'. The clean sink burned into her mind and for a moment her heart ceased to beat. Someone had cleaned it for her just like Yamanami had set up Souji's medication for her, just like how Shinpachi cooked the soup for her, just like how Saitou came to check in on her, just like how Souji washed her dirty hair and just like how Tetsunosuke snuck her sweet rice pudding to eat.

They cared? Since when?

"_Perhaps when we are alone, I can treat you as a woman."_…Yamanami.

"_You look a bit pale, have you been eating?"_…Souji.

"_Hop to it, we have more work for you after!"_ …Sanosuke.

"_I'm sure all the pressure's off you now, what a relief right?"_ …Shinpachi.

"_We need your help around here, you know."_ …Heisuke.

"_Including you."_ …Tetsunosuke.

"_The dead don't always get a second chance."_ …Saitou.

"_You've got heart. That's all it takes_." …Ayumu.

And finally, _"I'll do what I can."_ …Susumu.

They've always cared. From the moment she opened her big yap, since she became Yamanami's Page, they'd cared. How could she not see it, not appreciate their kindness and affection? During her time of need, she refused their love and instead pushed them away but they _still_ cared? How and why?

Before she could contain her emotions, more tears escaped from her eyes. Both open palms jerked upward and covered her watering eyes while she allowed a small whimper to fall from her lips. Her heart ached more than ever before, more than when Ayumu passed away more than when she found Hitomi, it nearly broke in two.

All along she had turned into the one person she didn't want, the kind of person she loathed. Instead of returning the love and gratitude they showed her from day one, she rejected them _every time_. How did it feel for them to be tossed to the side like they were garbage when all they had done was shown kindness toward a cocky, self-assured 'boy'? Why did they keep coming back time after time?

Her heart had been in the wrong place the entire time.

"I'm so sorry!" Her muffled screams erupted in the small kitchen. "I didn't know, I didn't see it and I'm so sorry! I was feeling so sorry for myself that I didn't even acknowledge anyone else!"

"You can still change that."

Her hands dropped from her eyes and she looked up to see the ex-spy standing with his hands now attached to his hips. With his head tilted ever so slightly to the right, she could have sworn for a brief moment that a smile tugged at the ends of his lips.

Could she change it, did she have enough time? There had to be a chance that she could make it up to everyone. If they would give her one last shot at being the right kind of person then she was willing to take it!

"How-"

"Go back to bein' Katsuke." He answered before she could finish spitting out her question. "As I hear, you're loud mouth has been missed. Stop feelin' bad for things you couldn't help, people you couldn't save."

She straightened out her back, allowing the chair to hit her shoulders. Her long overdue smile then formed on her lips. How her cheeks ached for this long missed action, it felt as good as getting her stitches removed, maybe even better! Tears still falling from her wet lashes she gazed up at the cold, rotten Susumu.

"I think I can do that." Her right fist lifted to her cheek and she wiped away a stray tear. "When did you become such a nice guy?"

Whatever light and almost happy expression dropped from his features and he resorted to his usual pout. "That redheaded brat talks too much."

"Ah." She nodded.

"Get goin' then." He snorted. "I'm tired of talkin' to you."

Katsuke pushed her body out of the wooden chair and she stood upright with a new found smile. Her muscles ached beyond belief and her eyes were more swollen from the past few weeks than she'd ever felt before but her heart felt a bit lighter. She knew what she had to do now, she had to show everyone the gratitude she felt for their sympathy and affection.

Things weren't ever going to be the same, after all people had died and others were sick but she was going to appreciate every day after this. Things wouldn't be what they once were and there would always be a hole in her heart but this was a good start, wasn't it?

Act End.


	21. Act Twenty One

Searching for Paradise

Act Twenty One

Her chores could wait; there was a reunion that was long overdue. She could barely feel the ground beneath her feet as she took off down one of the long hallways. Turning every corner in her most clumsy manner, she felt her heart skip faster than ever before. It thumped in her ears louder with each passing moment, fueling every step and giving her giving her some sort of strange confidence. How would she tell them, what would she say? How could she possibly express herself after the last month?

Would they accept her apology and take her back with warm, open arms?

They had to.

She saw the large dojo area within range and the adrenaline in her veins pushed her to run even faster. Her heart had practically crawled into her throat and she felt on the verge of becoming ill. But she couldn't hesitate, not after she'd come _this_ far. Realizing everything really important was right in front of her the whole time.

Her socked feet hit the dojo floor for only a brief moment before she felt the floor nearly give way beneath her. Her arms shot outward and began to move in a circular motion in a pitiful attempt to keep her balance. After her right foot shot outward on the hardwood floor, her left foot grinded as if she had stepped on the brakes. Her body came to a slow sliding stop, both her arms and legs spread wide apart.

Her eyes then scanned across the room, she had to find them, the people she loved the most. Nearly out of breath, her jaw dropped open while she gasped and panted to regain the air that had been knocked out of her. Katsuke jerked her head right and left until her eyes landed on a small group of men standing at the far end of the dojo.

The three jokers and Tetsunosuke had turned to face her after the commotion she had stirred up and stared at her with their brows arched. And just like that, all of the anger and sadness she had harbored in her heart for the last few weeks lightened. It was if the heavy weight on her heart had lifted and she was able to breathe again. Like seeing someone after years of separation, it was as if she had found her light once again.

Even if they did have the stupidest looks on their faces.

Before anyone could ask anything she sprung forward. Arms open and on the brink of tears she flung her tired body toward the largest man in the group. As soon as her chest made contact with Sanosuke's her arms closed around his back. She buried her nose in his chest and gripped to him as if she'd never see him again.

"I'm sorry!"

She wept into his broad chest without any kind of nervous hesitation. This time she would be the stupid Katsuke she was when she first walked into the Shinsengumi, she wasn't going to fake anything any longer.

"What the hell, Katsuke?" The sound of Shinpachi's voice alerted her senses.

Removing her arms and face from Sanosuke she turned to the shorter man and wrapped her arms around him. She pulled him against her chest with all her might, hanging on to the redhead in a manner she never thought possible. His arms were extended outward, most likely still in shock from the whole situation, meanwhile his muscles remained loose.

"Are you okay?" He finally stiffened and gave the younger girl a pat on the back.

She wasn't going to answer, not just yet. She pulled her body away from Shinpachi and flashed him smile among her wet facial features. Tears still streaming from her eyes she turned to the left to see a very confused Heisuke standing behind her with his lips poked outward and his brow lifted. Did he have to be so cute? Again without any words, she attached herself to the middle man, placing her arms beneath his armpits.

An exhale of air left him as her chest met his and he grunted as she tightened her grip on him. She felt her breathing hitch while holding on to him, causing her to dig her fingernails into the back of his yukata. She was probably leaving a wet mess on his shirt but did it matter? Sure, they'd tease her about this later but it was well worth it, for this moment.

She detached her hold on Heisuke and took a few weak steps backward. Through the blurry images from her tear-soaked eyes, she watched as the four boys looked at her in utter confusion. They _had_ to be baffled, having her come sliding into the dojo, crying and panting as if she'd run a marathon then to leap onto Sanosuke? Shit, she was still confused herself!

Katsuke looked away from the three idiots long enough to plant her sights on the smallest, youngest male in the room. Tetsunosuke stood with the highest cocked brow and a curled upper lip. She took a breath through her nose as she approached the redhead with open arms. Once in range, she scooped the smaller boy into her arms and pressed his face to her collarbone. Her right hand lifted and moved up his back until they locked in his hair.

"I'm sorry."

Unlike Sanosuke, Shinpachi or Heisuke, Tetsunosuke moved his arms back until his flat palms rested on either side of her shoulders. With a single jerk he pushed himself out of her chest and shot a nasty glare up at her.

"What's _wrong_ with you?"

Her hand fell out of his tangled hair and she loosened her grip on the youngster. Katsuke removed her arms from Tetsu and took a single step backward. She could feel a second round of tears gathering behind her eyes but she had to resist the urge to cry for as long as possible. After this, they weren't going to see her cry, _ever_ again. They better remember this moment because they'd never see her so open again! This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for all of them.

"Nothing." She felt her heart swell.

They didn't know how much she really loved them, not yet; maybe sometime when they were older, when she was wiser but not now. For now, she would accept their affection and appreciate every day. As long as she didn't take them for granted and cherished each day then she wouldn't regret anything. But did _they_ need to know this? Of course not. She might be a new person but some old Katsuke traits were just too engraved to erase out of her system completely.

"I take it you're feeling better!" Shinpachi moved his hands to his hips.

"Best I've felt in a while." She allowed a small smile to curl the ends of her lips.

"Good to know," Heisuke flashed his trademark grin. "We have a ton of laundry for you to do!"

"And it was getting too quiet." Sanosuke added as he folded his arms over his muscular chest. "After Tetsu developing so much, we kinda miss all the screaming and yelling between the both of ya."

She'd missed it too, oh how she'd missed it. Katsuke looked down to see Tetsunosuke with an angry pout on his face. His cheeks had highlighted with a dim shade of pink, was he embarrassed? That pout with those red cheeks, why did she _almost_ think it was cute? No, there was no way Tetsunosuke was growing on her _that_ much! He was just a rotten kid after all, right?

"What's all this noise?"

The sound of Saitou's deep voice shot goosebumps up her arms. She straightened her back and glanced over her shoulder. Walking side by side, Saitou and Yamanami made their way into the dojo with confused, concerned looks. So they had made _that_ much noise? Geez, she hadn't realized it but it _had_ to have sounded 'different' after she rushed in and hug-assaulted Sano.

The look on her former-master's face settled her beating heart. Still as handsome as ever, she approached Yamanami with a sappy smile on her face. Her arms ached as they moved up and she latched on to the four-eyed male. Gripping at his sides she pushed her forehead into his chest. The warm scent she had always recognized as her master filled her nostrils and forced her eyes to shut. A warm touch to the top of her head caused her to whimper. He began to pet her with the gentle touch she had first fallen in love with. With each slow stroke she clenched her jaw tighter. Damn, he wasn't making it easy not to cry!

"Thank you." She whispered as she pulled her face away from him.

Instead of giving her a verbal reply, he shut his eyes and allowed a sweet smile to spread over his lips. His warm hand left her head and returned to his side. Maybe they didn't end up 'together' but that was okay, wasn't it? She still cared for him in a way that she never thought possible. It went beyond the sexy grin and voice, he was a friend. Someone she could speak with when she needed an ear, someone she could depend on. What more did she need?

Katsuke ended their embrace with a sniffle and then turned her attention to the pale male to her right. He stood, slouched, with his usual peaceful expression. What he could be thinking, she had no idea but the air of mystery around him would do just fine for now. She didn't need to hug him; he knew what he had done for her. _That_ she knew for certain. But she had to thank him somehow. She lifted her chin and allowed a wide smile take over her features. Her eyes swelled with tears but she maintained the warm smirk, they didn't need words, this was enough.

"I have to tell Souji something." She broke her eye contact with Saitou and turned back to the trio. "I'll be back and then I'll start dinner."

"Sounds fine." Yamanami's voice reassured her.

"Keep your distance," Saitou caught her attention. "He's still ill."

"Of course."

She backed away from the group of males but her eyes remained on them the entire time. What more could she ask for? She came into this place with no one, nothing and now? She had more friends, fathers, brothers and uncles then she could ask for. And for the first time in a long time she could admit to herself that she loved someone _other_ than herself. It was something that she never wanted to lose, something that her heart would treasure forever. They were far from perfect, especially the three idiots, but that was okay. Their brotherhood was something no one could replace or understand.

_To never taking you guys for granted again_.

She finally pulled her chin back over her left shoulder and face forward. Things from here on out would be different, that was for sure.

XoXoX

Her curled index finger hit the wooden frame twice. She inhaled a deep breath through her nose and held it. This was it, to say thank you to the one person she considered her best friend, the person who washed when she was sick, the person who she thought the mostly highly of, Souji. He had saved her more times than she could remember and she had never _once_ told him how she really felt. How thankful she really was. Even if she was pretending to be a man, it was no excuse to let his favors and kindness go unnoticed.

"Come in."

She exhaled. Shutting her eyes, her hand gripped at the door and slowly, she pulled it open. As the room's stale air hit her face, she reopened her eyes. Souji was seated up in his bed with a small smile on his pale face. His hair looked as if it hadn't been brushed that morning, perhaps he wasn't feeling strong enough to do it himself? She felt her heart crack as she approached the still beautiful male.

"Hi." She said as she was able to give him a small grin.

"Hi," He replied in a higher pitch then she would have expected from him. "Can I help you with something?"

"Nah," She shook her head and took a seat beside the swordsman. "I just wanted to come in and see you."

"That was sweet of you," His smile grew. "How are you feeling?"

How could he ask such a question? This moment, this conversation had _nothing_ to do with how she was feeling or how she was doing, this was about _him_ and he still made an effort to check in on her. How could he be so sweet? In their short time of knowing one another, he had showed her more kindness then she had ever seen and he deserved more. More of everything.

"Don't worry about me." She felt a giggle tickling at her lungs.

Souji was quick to give her his child-like pout. "Of course I worry about you."

"I'm fine." She reassured the older male with a small fanning motion of her hand. "I wanted to ask how _you_ were doing. So, how are you?"

"Better." He gave a simple nod. "I think the medicine is working."

"Good."

Her eyes moved away from his stunning features and looked to his long purple locks. If he wasn't feeling up to brushing his own hair, then she would be happy to do it for him. He had nursed her back to health when she was sick, after all. Katsuke glanced to the ground to see a small group of personal items beside the bed, one of them being a hair brush. She reached out to the small brown brush and grabbed it. Lifting it up to Souji's head, she stretched forward and took a small amount of his hair in her hand. She then ran the object through his silky, yet tangled locks.

"You don't have to do that." Souji released a small hum as she continued.

"I want to." She answered with a smile.

"Then how can I refuse you?"

Her eyes softened as she watched the strong swords prodigy melt. So something as simple as brushing his hair made him feel better? If that was all it took, then she'd do it for him even on days when he wasn't ill. He had done far more for her than just brushing her hair; he had been there through everything. It was her small token of affection to return the feelings he had shared with her when she was sick.

"Thank you, Souji." She whispered.

"For what?" He spoke as he adjusted himself, allowing her better access to the rest of his long hair.

"Everything." Did she really need to answer him? He should know better than anyone how much he'd done for her.

Did his modesty really stretch that far? How could someone this amazing, this kind exist and better yet, how could she have possible stumbled upon someone so wonderful? It was more than luck, it had to be. Katsuke had heard people in her lifetime talk about destiny but was this destiny's true form? When two people who need each other more than anything meet and take away the pain they'd experienced before meeting? Was this how her destiny worked with Souji? With the three jokers and Susumu for that matter?

This moment, this feeling wasn't something she was ever going to forget. It was something etched in her brain and from now on she'd never reenact. Even if this moment didn't last forever, even if the feeling was never as prominent as it was now, it was something she'd never forget. Ever.

"You're welcome." A warm chuckle left his lips. "You're more than welcome."

XoXoX

Katsuke walked into the dojo with two flowers clenched between her fingers. The orange and pink hues from the setting sun and drowned the large fighting area in a beautiful color. The warmth from the summer air filled her nostrils and made all of her hairs stand up on end. She walked toward the yard that laid just beyond the dojo doors and in her silence entered the patio area. One step after the other, she lowered herself until her bare feet touched the gravel and rocks of the backyard.

She stepped through the grass until she found herself in the middle of the large outside area. She lowered herself to her knees and placed both flowers on the dirt. She then brought her hands back to her chest and placed both open palms against one another. She lowered her chin and pressed her nose against her index fingers.

In her mind she repeated a prayer for her fallen loved ones. Even if she was feeling better about everything and she learned to appreciate what she had, she wasn't going to forget about Ayumu or Hitomi. They had given their lives for the greater good and in the end suffered a fate that many would never dream of facing. They had experienced life and death, something that she, herself would someday endure. In the end, she knew she would see them again. If she went on think she _wouldn't_ see them again, it would be too hard.

She believed she would see them again, she had faith.

"What are you doin' out here?"

Katsuke broke out of her prayer session to see Susumu standing on the patio of the dojo. Beyond her control a smile erupted on her face and she stood up straight. So he was still checking in on her, was he? Even if he denied it to her face, she knew better. Ha, she had grown on him…as he had on her. Hell, if she knew from the moment of meeting him that they would someday be _this_ close, things might have been different.

But…

"_Sometimes you can't change your fate, no matter how much believin' you do."_

The sound of his shifting clothes brought her out of her thoughts. She focused her attention on him as he took a seat on the dojo patio, his legs hanging off the edge. He then hunched forward and rested his chin on his open palm. His once cold and angry stare had softened in the past few days; she could _see_ it in him. Did it make him any less attractive? Not in the slightest.

Katsuke wasted no time and stepped toward the former Watcher. She hoisted herself on the patio and took three or four steps passed him. She then found the perfect spot for sitting. She backed up behind Susumu and took a seat behind him. She turned her nose to the right and out of the corner of her eye saw as the quiet male stared into the sunset. Her eyes for a moment darted down and saw the lone hand that supported him.

Dare she touch him? Would he turn away, pull away or yell at her? She wasn't sure of anything but what the hell, why not? She moved backward until her back made contact with his and she snaked her right hand out to his left. Shaking all along the way, her hand landed on top of his. He flinched for a moment and jerked his head over his shoulder but refused to move other than that. To her surprise he did not pull away or bite her but only released a small sigh through his nose.

"Thanks," She whispered in a tone just loud enough for him to hear. "You know, for everything."

"Don't." He grunted. "I didn't do anything."

"So you say," She replied in a hum. "But here I am…at peace."

"I don't care about your peace." He moved his back and added more weight to her. "I didn't want to hear about your complain' anymore."

"Still," She pushed her back even further against his. "Thanks."

She once again glanced down at her hand which laid atop of his. They fell silent as the sun grew smaller and smaller in the sky, what more needed to be said? Anything further would ruin the moment. Best if she kept her yap shut…for once. Besides how could she tear her eyes away from the hands they held together? His skinny, pale hand didn't look so lonely when it was connected with her.

With one solid squeeze she shut her eyes and inhaled through her nostrils. This was perfection. After this the whole world could crumble at her feet and she was pretty sure she'd be all right with it. Just as long as she was here, like this, with him.

The End.

"_Ah, even if right now you're a tiny girl without any power, I hope that someday you can become strong. Ah, although right now even the smallest dreams can't be granted, surely they will in time."-_ Born to be a Lady (translated), SNSD.


End file.
